she’s gone

Edited by Richard W. Jenkins.

Did she have a cocktail at the airport,
small talk men for attention at the bar;
did her eyes wander beyond …
sensual fantasies?

Did she do her hair that morning …
were my kind susceptible to stare?
Was her lipstick red and tempting,
the way only I should like?

Who is she without me …
my touch, my rough hands sliding
over her soft warm a*s,
tucking those brown locks
behind her ear?

How will she survive
without my lunacy …
is this really what she wants?

it can’t be!

The flight …
was scheduled for noon;
of course, it didn’t leave until
a quarter after,

though.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is convincingly conveyed from the male point of view & the reader gets a full dose of his mojo & attitude. I feel like I've known this guy . . . after fifty different times (((HUGS)))

[lovelymarina]

Dont we all know him… way too many times!!! Thank you for the review again.
Xx
Marina

[Richard🖌]

G'mornin', Marina 🥀

What could be more enjoyable than sipping on a steaming mug of lapsang souchong, while enjoying one of your amazing poems? Not a question I can answer.
This one lured and embraced me in a, let's say, vividly empathetic "knowing" way, with a frantically panicky guy watching his quarry escape his fixated clutches.
After his insanity and radical abuse, who could blame her for falling into dissolution and catching the first flight out (to wherever), with his dismayed mind playing tricks, "What did she sneak-off to do with one of those bar admirers in that extra fifteen minutes?"
The entire timbre of this work is palpable; but, for me, the following lines exemplify the core essence of his delusions, and their demise … driving her overpowering need to "flee":
"Who is she without me …
How will she survive
without my lunacy …
is this really what she wants?
It can’t be!"

Riveting, Marina -- with your imagination and imagery shifted into high gear.
I can almost hear you giggling at my fumbling attempts to unravel the mysteries of this poetically creative work.

Thank you for another unique treat from your glowing pen! ⁓ Richard 🍃

[critique: pin a fetching picture to the top, center it all for a bit of enjoyable variety, and capitalize "It" in "It can't be!"] : )

[lovelymarina]

Good afternoon, Richard :)

And thank you, for another amazing review. Yes, this poem captures a fleeting moment for a woman who has dealt with far too much, and a man who can't merely bear the rushing thoughts. The narcissist will never rationally understand...Thank YOU for another unique and captivating review!

A picture is a great idea, I will follow up with that critique.

Love always,
Marina

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I like the mystery in the last line...

I do agree with Matt...maybe a bit more perspective that makes the speaker a bit more interesting and interested...
the "a*s" line didn't fit for me.
the rest of the poem hints, it is subtle...in its sexual innuendos...

that line is a bit too blatant for this piece...
But I think the concept is really good.

and just a bit of touch up will really have the reader engaged.

[lovelymarina]

I definitely see where the a*s line could be too blatant- the rest of the poem is kind of mysterious, makes you question and wonder what’s going on inside the speakers head. I really appreciate that feedback. I’m definitely gonna edit this today or tomorrow and post an updated version soon… thank you so much for the review, Jacob.
Means the world as always.
-Marina

[Poetic Beauty]

It is never easy when someone leaves but it isn’t always because they want another. This gives perfect insight to what the mind thinks though

[lovelymarina]

Thank you for the review :)
Marina

[mattavelli]

Hello, Marina! :)
I’m here to criticize. Overall, the tone didnt grab me. The speaker doesn’t seem moved, just blandly asking questions.
A few specific points that seemed off; if her lipstick is tempting, then why does only he like it, why would he refer to his company as lunacy? He seems to refer to men as “my kind”, which reads sort of generic, as the speaker is sort of generic. I liked the soft a*s part.

[lovelymarina]

Hi Matt! Yes, thank you.. I had an idea and couldn’t really execute it well which is why I posted on here for some criticism. It’s completely a first draft. To answer your question, he refers to his company as lunacy because he is tyrannical and abusive. This is supposed to be about a girl finally breaking away from a bad, bad man… and he’s frantically panicking. These questions rush through his head a mile a minute with the threat of her being done. “my kind” refers to the other bad men of the world… thinking of all the possible ways they could destroy her life as she walks past. A good title could be “The mind of my man” or “The mind of a man”… i know this needs a lot of work and changes though- thanks so much for the feedback :)
Xx
Marina

[mattavelli]

My pleasure :)
So, he feels he is a lunatic, and thinks he's a bad man?
I think you could phrase the questions to highlight his mood and personality, and feelings toward her.
Maybe go stand in front of your mirror and play out the character; yell at yourself tyrannically and abusively. See if you can channel his passion into words.

[PlayWrite]

i like the illusion and mystery

[lovelymarina]

Thank you!!
Marina :)