Goodbye, San Francisco

I’m alone and standing on the edge of the golden gate bridge,
please come home with me.
We can bathe in the warm banks of the river,
to be one with nature,
to lay on linen in alamo square,
and watch nothing
and everything at the same time.
I need you home with me…

Blue visions of that little girl,
A death mourned,
at a table for one,
where the hot tea burnt your tongue,
with under heated croissants…

To not live thinking your neighbor is going to rob you,
or your boyfriend is about to leave,

A life sentence,
that never ends…

life was glorious before attachment.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

attachments and fears, fears of attachments...
we all feel these, we all feel very alone at times, and we all feel on the edge.
you gave us a scene, one we can relate to in our own way...we have our own alamo square, and at times we all watch nothing...
and live in fear of the negative.
deep enough...
seen through Blue vision...maybe some cannot.
j.

[lovelymarina]

Attachment could drown us, and bring us back to life. One of the most painful aspects of this life, in my opinion. I'm really grateful to hear you could relate to this melancholy piece I came up with... and that you indeed have your own blue visions. You are always greatly appreciated on my page...

Marina

[Unspoken poet]

Blue visions of that little girl,
A death mourned,
at a table for one,

I like these lines here, "Blue Visions" of that little girl
sad feelings for the little girl,
This is wonderful

[lovelymarina]

Thank you very much for your kind review!

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful poem shared dear Lovelymarina.
"We can bathe in the warm banks of the river,
to be one with nature,
to lay on linen in alamo square,
and watch nothing
and everything at the same time.
I need you home with me…"
I did like the above lines. Good to relax with nature and enjoy the day. Thank you dear poet for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[lovelymarina]

Thank you dearly Coyote. Your reviews are always deeply appreciated on my end!

Much love,
Marina

[Coyote Poetry]

I loved the poetry dear Marina and you are welcome.

[JayG]

• We can bathe in the warm banks of the river,

Seriously, have you dipped a toe into the water by that bridge? It's COLD. And it's San Pablo Bay, not a river.

In this, you reference things that have deep meaning for you, but which are meaningless to a reader. Without context, your message is opaque, and has little emotional content for anyone other than you.

My point: Make the reader care and feel. Invite them in. When you say, "Blue visions of that little girl," what's in it for the reader who doesn't know who "that" little girl is, or was to the speaker." You know. The one being spoken to knows. Shouldn't the reader? Don't tell them that you're sad, make THEM sad.

[lovelymarina]

I didn’t think that deep into it. I was just using synonyms and trying to reference how bad my attachment issues have gotten and make the poem sound pretty. Sorry you didn’t feel the vibe I was going for..Thanks for the criticism

[lovelymarina]

Wasn’t supposed to be that deep.