In winter dusk

In winter dusk

A Poem by amarlaksh


In lonely winter dusk I see,
Little a girl of small sobbing,
Sitting saw such fantasy,
What If she’d some for shopping?

What if she had a trifle?
Of cookies in much adore,
If there be a hill,
With rooms full of gold galore,

Merry she’d be much,
If all her roofs had so stars,
Of she’d gaze or touch,
And took dreams to morning showers,

Grains would then her feed,
Amongst with them best,
Every tickle, a new breed,
Would be held upon the desk,

But, in lonely winter dusk I see,
Little a girl of small sobbing,
Sitting saw such fantasy,
Why she had none for shopping?
----------- Amar laksh

© 2012 amarlaksh


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DrD
Amar, one of the great things about this forum is the system itself. When we see 24 visits and no reviews, we should also see a red flag. Sometimes it's good to finish a poem and read it aloud and then ask yourself, "So what?" So what if she didn't have any money? Billions of people don't. What if she could have some? Then she could buy something. The element of something profound, forcing readers into thoughts they never explored is demanded in our work. Please think about it and don't feel like I'm your antagonist. I simply want you to do your best.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

amarlaksh

7 Years Ago

Why??? cause its a question worth pondering upon. I see these stories daily on the road passing amon.. read more
DrD

7 Years Ago

Then write about the cause, not the affect. That's where the drama is and the ability of everyone t.. read more
amarlaksh

7 Years Ago

no, you ARE right, absolutely correct! thank you sir...but still i will not edit it instead anothe.. read more



Reviews

So This is the question I ask everyday when I am walking on the streets!!
A big cause... The sadness of these children affect many hearts! :(
I just wish someday we all would be equal :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

fine

Posted 7 Years Ago


amazing poem

Posted 7 Years Ago


amarlaksh

7 Years Ago

thanks for the review
You are a storyteller from the old school. Giving a lesson in the poetry you write. The story of the small girl is very good. Allow the reader to feel her joy and then her disappointment. Many kind of Poet's. Each of us write in our own style and thought. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 7 Years Ago


amarlaksh

7 Years Ago

Thank you for your honest review
Unusual play on words to tell a basic, but fundamental truth of our world, like this in a different way. Have to read your work slowly.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

amarlaksh

7 Years Ago

thanks for your precise review
hogan

7 Years Ago

See DrD has given you a serious review, all I will say is that sometimes on here people are drawn to.. read more
amarlaksh

7 Years Ago

yes true
I disagree with the previous comment I think that anything is worth writing and thinking about, nice format and use of rhetorical questions!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

nice... but you didn't expressed it well, need to work on the arrangement, the rhythm well done keep writing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
DrD
Amar, one of the great things about this forum is the system itself. When we see 24 visits and no reviews, we should also see a red flag. Sometimes it's good to finish a poem and read it aloud and then ask yourself, "So what?" So what if she didn't have any money? Billions of people don't. What if she could have some? Then she could buy something. The element of something profound, forcing readers into thoughts they never explored is demanded in our work. Please think about it and don't feel like I'm your antagonist. I simply want you to do your best.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

amarlaksh

7 Years Ago

Why??? cause its a question worth pondering upon. I see these stories daily on the road passing amon.. read more
DrD

7 Years Ago

Then write about the cause, not the affect. That's where the drama is and the ability of everyone t.. read more
amarlaksh

7 Years Ago

no, you ARE right, absolutely correct! thank you sir...but still i will not edit it instead anothe.. read more

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273 Views
8 Reviews
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Added on August 20, 2012
Last Updated on August 20, 2012
Tags: life, poems, poem, poetry, agony, sattire, love, poetic

Author

amarlaksh
amarlaksh

Agra, Atheist, India



About
Well i am just a seventeen year old creative kid who likes to read and write more..

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A Poem by amarlaksh



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