adieu

adieu

A Poem by amarlaksh
"

it has got a vivid variety of layers

"
An old recluse had,
by the lakeside grown.
Sevenscores and a two took,
haven in his white tresses.
Of reek scent, had tenuity in form,
absurd face and tepid of skin,
rusty to talk, yet chivarlous walk.
With an ochre hat, on head apt.
Reticent he stood, in sylvan wood.
A snitch he was, of nature across,
the lake that lead, many more to dead
---amar laksh

© 2012 amarlaksh


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DrD
I enjoyed this but was also concerned about the word "snitch." Snitch is a modismo, coming out of prison jargon and I think it is out of place in the eloquence of all the words around it. I don't know how it could be replaced without reforming the entire line. Nonetheless, again I enjoyed the concept and the detail was excellent. I will visit you again soon.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

amarlaksh

7 Years Ago

thank you sir.


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Reviews

i have nothing to say...its splendid....

Posted 6 Years Ago


"absurd face and tepid of skin,
rusty to talk, yet chivarlous walk.
With an ochre hat, on head apt.
Reticent he stood, in sylvan wood. "
A very good and descriptive poem...Bravo

Posted 6 Years Ago


amarlaksh

6 Years Ago

I am obliged sir :)
Sami Khalil

6 Years Ago

You are welcome...:)
Amar... Your language man :O
The poem : Beautiful it is!! :)
N language... You Nailed it!! I mean where In Agra did you get it from? :O

Posted 6 Years Ago


This is very good! Frankly that's all I can say. Impressive!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Very interesting! Brief, descriptive and enjoyable.
Great-
~pat

Posted 7 Years Ago


your style, your words, your meaning and understanding of human nature, of reality and imagination is beautiful. I liked your use of the word snitch, cause though it may seem out of place, it gives the poem one of the many layers you told us it would have, its powerful. You are a great writer.

Posted 7 Years Ago


hmmmmm... a thinking man's poem. nice

Posted 7 Years Ago


You must be a great reader. You go in many directions with your poetry. Poem told a complete tale using so few words. Take great talent. I like the flow of the poem and the strong ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 7 Years Ago


you have a better command of the English language than most high school graduates in this country...commendable. one part of this confuses me. it should read...seven score and two, took haven in his white tresses. other than this i think it is a delightful write...snitch...doesn't work very well, does it? perhaps he was a deceiver of man and nature? anyway, great write!

Posted 7 Years Ago


I think the poetry may be hidden in some of your culture. I wonder about the 142 years or days or months or hours, or number of people etc. Usually I would think years. Hints of a natural disaster as well or "not so natural" thanks to man made contamination... I felt like this poem could be helped with a more defined meter as there seems to be a story to tell... Also, for me, I need more information to get anything out of this... You just led me out to nowhere and now I feel lost.

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on August 20, 2012
Last Updated on August 20, 2012
Tags: life, poems, poem, poetry, agony, sattire, love, poetic

Author

amarlaksh
amarlaksh

Agra, Atheist, India



About
Well i am just a seventeen year old creative kid who likes to read and write more..

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A Poem by amarlaksh



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