Attack Me Now?

An email i wrote to an attacker of opinions.

I'm sick to f*****g death of your stupid mind games.
How are they teaching me anything?
Your the reason I can't sleep at night.
I lay in bed, processing your words in my head.
And I still can't work out how your helping me in any way possible.
If anything, you make me feel worse.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
I'm that someone.
I get hurt over and over again.


Could you not see that f*****g attack on me?
When you were under the doona,
I looked at Ben and mouthed;

I'm sorry. he's not really doing anything. He's just stirring.

And he mouthed back;

I know, don't worry - as he shook his head.

Then when we were up, sitting on the couch,
It started.
HE started on ME.
I didn't do anything.
Why doesn't he ever attack you for anything.
Why am I the blame for everything.

Uhh you left last night because of me and Keifa mucking around and you do it to me.
Errrrrr WRONG! I left when she was texting,
Texting you.
Thats why I left.
You had been gone ages,
And I thought you weren't coming back cause I was there.
I thought you didn't want to talk to me.

So I made it easier for everyone and left.
Why will no-one listen to what I have to say.
You are all to quick to judge me and tell me why I did this and why I do that.
How about everyone f*****g takes a look around.
Maybe even take a look at themselves,
How f*****g dare you all tell me what I'm doing wrong.
When you's are the people adding to how I'm feeling.
I'm sick of being put in the spotlight for all the wrong reason's.
I never get praise for anything.
All I ever hear is how bad I am.
How mean I am.
How immature I am.

WAKE THE F**K UP!!
I'm 17 for f**k sake.
I'm not an adult.
I have no need to act like an adult.
I can chuck a tantrum when the f**k I feel necessary.
And I can also apologize when I feel it is necessary.

But at this point in time, I don't feel like anyone is worth it.
I don't exactly feel like I'm worth it anymore.
I thought, I actually thought our talk meant something last night.
When you told me how pissed off you were when i said a certain something,
I knew you weren't angry about it.
Deep down you really cared.
You hugged me so much last night.
So much that i thought i meant something special to someone.
How f*****g wrong I was,
All I'm in your life for is for entertainment.
Some f*****g sick way to pass your day.
I fell for you.
I fell so f*****g hard.
Now, all I want is to fall 6ft f*****g under.

Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand.

If everyone is able to attack me.
Then shouldn't it be my turn.
This is my attack on you.
Enjoy!

Author's Note

I'm not sure why i posted this. Probably for the fact that the person i sent this to soon rung me and toldme how great my writing is. He said it stung his heart.