I had an itch I couldn't scratch or maybe it was an egg I couldn't hatch ...
A ringing in my ears I could not place ...
An ugly pimple kept appearing on my face ...
I tried my best to make it better took everyone's advice to the letter -- counsellors, exercise, weight loss and meditation once I even took a vacation ...
Jumped on the bus and an old lady looked at me, in an instant she knew exactly what was wrong with me
"HUN", she said, "I know just what you need, go home, don't be late, don't hesitate, nor vascillate, you can take my gun, and make sure it's done with expediency, a radical man-ectomy!"
Oh hell yeah! This is hilarious & lighthearted & tongue-in-cheek to the point where you're looking a little like a chipmunk! *tee! hee!* I love the rhymes. I love the clever expressions for every suggested diagnosis & the first 3 stanzas are zinging full force! I love witty made-up words in general, but your final line takes the cake and ice cream too! I can only aspire to write something so clever & playful, when in the midst of something that bugs the crap out of me! *smile*
BTW, I just reamed two new members to this website, which compelled me to turn to more lighthearted pursuits (in an effort to shake my foul mood), and the lovely boomerang effect led me to this! Now if I could apply such a hilarious analysis (as yours, here) to my recent newbie issues, I'd be conquering all my woes!
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
Well thank you my lady. This was a very fun piece. I wish my ex would have read it at the time. Now .. read moreWell thank you my lady. This was a very fun piece. I wish my ex would have read it at the time. Now that I have had that 250 pound growth removed, I am much lighter.:)
8 Years Ago
I love it when we get to the point of laughing at the biggest mistakes we've made. I love "250-lb gr.. read moreI love it when we get to the point of laughing at the biggest mistakes we've made. I love "250-lb growth"!!!
Chuckling to myself, as I read your poem, KL. Am left wondering, does your radical man-ectomy work, as SRS, if so, could you do it, to me? Am about $30 k (US) short of paying for it, myself. And could you send that kindly old lady, in my direction, maybe she has a cheaper solution, for a SRS, than the medical community wants, with an arm and a leg, from each trans patient, they operate on. Thanks for the laugh, am feeling, a tad sad, today. Think it's the weather and the coming snow storm.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Well, this one would not exactly be the kind you want, however, I get it. To your knowledge has any .. read moreWell, this one would not exactly be the kind you want, however, I get it. To your knowledge has any preop transperson tried crowd funding?
10 Years Ago
I have seen a few people do it, but it's something, the government should be paying, without any res.. read moreI have seen a few people do it, but it's something, the government should be paying, without any restriction to access. Currently, the government of Ontario only pays for a limited number of SRS, every year, and you have to go, to a clinic, in Montreal, which gets so-so rating from those, who the operations. I feel, it's a private thing, between a patient and the doctor, and not the entire world. This means, going through CAMH, which in its previous life, as the Clarke Institute, it was very transphobic, in its open hostility to the transcommunity. These scars run deep within the transcommunity, as a result.
Wow am I glad I am not the source of the pimple that kept popping up. I had to be excised in such a brutal fashion as to be evised. Yes I said evised, I made it up, what of it? This is truly an interesting and funny piece. I really like it. Evised: the less commonly used form of eviscerated.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Ha ha very funny. No worries, my friend, glad you liked.
Amen. sometimes you have to cut it of at the source. Very Funny!
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you, I appreciate it.
10 Years Ago
Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us.. read moreBe sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/
OUCH indeed!! Hilarious too, KL - I'm glad you encouraged me to check out your latest work. And those captchas...they are really starting to freak me out. They're *so* on point sometimes, that it's as if someone is watching you write the poem, and then manually types it in. but probably not.
Thanks so much. I loved writing this one, sadly, the title seems to be off-putting and people are mi.. read moreThanks so much. I loved writing this one, sadly, the title seems to be off-putting and people are missing out on the fun.
10 Years Ago
Oh...I didn't find it off-putting - based on some other things you've written in the past, I can see.. read moreOh...I didn't find it off-putting - based on some other things you've written in the past, I can see why you would write something with this theme, and I take it with a grain of salt. But I do think it works better with the hyphen in there. I enjoy most of your poetry, and even if it sounds "anti-male," I don't take it personally.
10 Years Ago
Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us.. read moreBe sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/
It wasn't directed at you. My aim is pretty good. :)
10 Years Ago
I was hoping it wasn't, thank you KL.
10 Years Ago
Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us.. read moreBe sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/
Hahaha of course that's the cure lol.Loved this cat and as I said "if you need help burying the body or body part ".I 'm your angel lol.This was great :)
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thanks so much. You know, it goes both ways, cats are good at burying their sh*t, lol
10 Years Ago
Lol you crack me up Kit Kat .Deal if ever I have sh*t that needs burying I'm calling you yes ?
Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us.. read moreBe sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/
Be sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us.. read moreBe sure to go to the contest and vote for your favorite: http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Make-Us-Laugh/50735/
I write under a pseudonym.
I don't do Read Requests, but you can PM me if you want me to read something specific. I make friends with people who I read and interact with. I won't accept random reque.. more..