Out of you I sigh

a Fives and Eights experiment -- thanks to Richard for the form and the inspiration

 

Into you I slide,

Nowhere I can hide ...

Pounding against your beating heart,

Warm me nice and slow,

Knead me like your dough,

Tenderize me in every part.

 

Out of you I sigh,

Your breath I live by ...

Revel within my deepest bliss,

Feel words unspoken;

Our truth unbroken,

Love created from our first kiss.

Author's Note

Fives 'n Eights (or) Doubledown Style 3

Original form created by

Richard W. Jenkins

© 4 May 1987



Any number of 6-line verses about anything:

Aligned left or centered.



Syllable counts per verse:

5/5/8/5/5/8



Rhyme scheme:

xxxxa

xxxxa

xxxxxxxb

xxxxc

xxxxc

xxxxxxxb



xxxxd

xxxxd

xxxxxxxe

xxxxf

xxxxf

xxxxxxx



From

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

So nice ... there is some love going on. Loved this write, KL:)

[Lyn Anderson]

Truth told it started out a little naughtier, and Richard suggested I tone it down a little prior to publishing it.:) I enjoy working with this format.

[Lydia Shutter]

An erotic yet elegant write, KL. The form was spot on. Think I need a cold shower this morning! :) Lydi**

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you, I appreciate it. It is a nice format to work with.

[LastMonth]

I don't really understand formats.
Nor do I really get them. I mean, the point of them.

Maybe I'm just a bad poet.
Or a bad reader.

But format asides--
I liked this. It's well written and conveys the emotion and desires quite well.
As you always do.

Good job.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. I only do formats if I can successfully convey the feelings without forcing it into a box.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

form works, but even so...the focus is on the content...and it is rich in romantic feeling...
the spices are all just "write"----

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks. I can't do form unless I feel it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

that's why my only form poems are haiku, senryu and once in a while the acrostic.

[andrew mitchell]

Very very nice. Beautiful work and thanks for sharing the format.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you very much, try out the format, it is fun.

[Sami Khalil]

A gorgeous poem with a glorified style and form. Multifaceted talent...:)....................

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you kindly for your lovely review

[Sami Khalil]

You are kindly welcome.......:))))))

[Richard🖌]

Ohhh, it's beautiful, KL!
You've done an exemplary job with my form, making it completely yours with its double-entendre metaphors, vivid imagery, smooth as silk flow, near spot-on counts, and rhymes to arouse the most accomplished poet's envy.
How honored I feel to have my form blessed by your skillful pen.
Check the count in L6 (ev-ry).
Like Rascal Flatts said, "I like the sound of that!"
Not too naughty … juuust purrrfect! ; )

Whatever, I love it … what else!
Hugs 'n smiles, KL! ⁓ Richard

[Lyn Anderson]

Ev-er-y is how I say it, but ya, I guess that is open to a bit of interpretation based on enunciation. I really like this form, and I hope some other people go to your poem and try it out.

[Richard🖌]

Me, too, you're one of a handful who've tried one of the many I've posted, and the interesting part is this form will make most anyone seem accomplished with very little effort … of course, you're already a master, so that's almost like cheating! ; )
Yes, many words are mispronounced, "every" is one of them, and it is actually correctly pronounced "ev-ry" — not interpretively … it's actually two-syllables.
It's one of those odd words in the English language where part(s) of it are silent. … wouldn't ya know, nothing comes to mind in the moment! :/

[Lyn Anderson]

I realize it may be correct, yet difficult to correct to my ear. :)

[Richard🖌]

Tenderizing my every part. : )

[Richard🖌]

Many thanks for promoting my form, KL, and most of all for inspiring others to try something different and skill expanding … you're a brilliant star! ⁓ RJ

[Lyn Anderson]

There. This one works for me.

[Richard🖌]

Goodness, KL!
I love it, and knew (with your creative juices) you could make it sing juuust … good stuff!!!

[Richard🖌]

"juuust right!"