Lonely

Lonely

A Poem by Imperfection
"

Not much.

"

 

 

 

At the end of the day

Alone in their abode

She sits in loneliness

Where his love once flowed

 

She sips her drink in silence

The taste lingers for a little while

Unlike his everlasting love

And the sunshine in his smile

 

As she lights up to unwind

Circles of smoke rush upwards

She watches the rings disappear

Like an incomplete love affair

 

An hour later, the smoke filled room

Smells of the past; the past is her home

His love continues to haunt and the memories still hurt

Only in this darkness can she find comfort.

© 2008 Imperfection


Author's Note

Imperfection
Looks unfinished to me. Needs work.
Suggestions would be helpful.

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Featured Review

well if it's unfinished it's an excellent start. Very relatable to many.. sitting with your drink of choice, a smoke, and thoughts... for me it's coffee, cigs, computer and thoughts :)

I like how you've used the taste of the drink and the smoke from the cig to reflect the love that has faded in the one that was lost... very nice!



Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I personally enjoyed reading this poem, I am sure that most of us can relate to this rather well. Nice write.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

As always, beautifully perfect.

You express perfectly and painfully, as "She sits in loneliness". Searching for comfort in the darkness that she finds before her, wondering where the time has gone, as "His love continues to haunt and the memories still hurt."

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A good poem but it's not a clerihew.

Sal

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A good poem but it's not a clerihew.

Sal

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A good poem but it's not a clerihew, which this contest requires.

Sal

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Beautiful poem. It had the real taste of "loneliness" all the way through and you have captured the contest theme well.

Good flow, descriptive and the picture just topped it off nicely.

Thank you for submitting this to my contest!

~ Helena ~

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

well if it's unfinished it's an excellent start. Very relatable to many.. sitting with your drink of choice, a smoke, and thoughts... for me it's coffee, cigs, computer and thoughts :)

I like how you've used the taste of the drink and the smoke from the cig to reflect the love that has faded in the one that was lost... very nice!



Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ha, I've been tired all day. Just sat down and said, "I need some caffeine" to myself. Because I say stuff to myself when I'm tired, apparently.

Taking my break and came to the cafe, saw your profile, thought it was a somewhat funny coincidence.

This did wake me up a bit.

It does invoke a feeling in me, so that's good. Hmm. Not sure what else to say because everything else has already been said.

I like the way it ends. You think it sounds incomplete, but I think that kind of works for it. Works with the entire tone. It gets cut off a little, but so did the relationship in the story, and that's what loneliness kind of is. She keeps remembering some guy in a happy light, but the whole thing just sort of got cut off, just like the poem. Right? I dunno. I'm not a very good poet.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Caffeine, cigarettes and thoughts. All too familiar. Loved it.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Caffeine when you are finished writing a poem what do you do? Tell me exactly. Do you rewrite poems? Your right it needs work but hey every poem needs work. First I would leave the first line out and start with the 2nd. I'll stop before you end up hating me. Tony

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on July 25, 2008
Last Updated on September 12, 2008

Author

Imperfection
Imperfection

India



About
�Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds� - Douglas Adams. I am a woman in my 20's. I love writing...sometimes it doesn't.. more..

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