Shadowbox

erotica in terms of insects and dinosaurs

Pteradactyl bones tied to my ankles

In my attempt to fly

Everything you do is such bad timing

I caught you staring into my eyes.

Stick pins in my wings

And put me in your shadowbox

A secret marvel�"

You smile to yourself

You trace the patterns

 

I am not your everyday

I am just your every night

A coiled fantasy I stole from another butterfly

A dim lamppost light

Reminded you of me

A wounded dragonfly

Struggles free…….

 

I must say no�"for fear of ripping my wings.

Author's Note

just freeverse. i guess it could be in two stanzas of nine lines but i thought the last two had to combine into one and i had to separate them... ok now im just rambling. ignore this whole thing

Reviews

"A coiled fantasy I stole from another butterfly
A dim lamppost light "

I enjoyed these lines here, this is really good a most enjoyable read.

[Angela]

Wow," I am not your every day I am just your every night" I love this line and the metaphor is brilliant. I am in love with the last line.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

the metaphorical language is absolutely enrapturing~ you create a fantastical world of a very real happenstance of every days where sometimes we are fly by night moths for the catcher and his net~ and little more~ a magikal poetic~

[Tommy]

Ali this is a vision to be seen. I love the metaphors, which play so well with the struggles of love and fear of heart break. I have some small suggestions. I like putting thoughts in italics, rather than quotes. I also played with the breaks a little, and a couple of words; I think it helps the flow, but really this is a nice read... It wouldn't let me use italics so they are pointed out with ()...Here's what I suggest:

Pterodactyl bones tied to my ankles
In my attempt to fly
Everything you do has such bad timing
I caught you staring into my eyes.
Stick pins in my wings
and put me in your shadowbox
(A secret marvel)
You smile to yourself
tracing the patterns

I am not your everyday
I am just your every night
A coiled fantasy
stolen from another butterfly
A dim lamppost light
Reminded you of me
As this wounded dragonfly
Struggles free…….

I must say "No" for fear of ripping my wings.


Great Writing!
RLG,
Tommy