A Year Ago

things get better

A year ago I was still holding onto heaviness

holding me down like an anchor

I drowned in the things I couldn't fix

I was fixated on all that was wrong with me

I was so focused on the one day's of life

always hoping it would get better

it does

A year ago I still didn't know

that half of the decisions I made were self destructive

I would throw wood on the fire till it got out of control

then it would destroy the town I worked so hard to build

Each and every mistake felt heavier

I wondered if it would all get better

it does

A year ago I thought I could love

but I didn't see anything in myself as being enough 

it was easier for me to judge

to push and shove until I was alone

I blamed everyone else but it was just me 

I didn't know how to be free

when I tied up my wings and could no longer fly

I wondered if i could ever live a life that was mine

I could

A year ago I held onto those 

who i thought could fix me

a year ago, I was a statue with a crack

so deep that it was only a matter of time until it happened

and it did, I fell apart,I screamed but the anchor held me down

my voice didn't make a sound 

I wondered if I would once again be heard 

if I would once again feel okay

I do

I used to think dreams were something you held

but they are things you become 

you can't always see them or feel them

but then one day you wake up feeling like someone 

someone you never thought you'd meet

a year ago, I didn't know what was to come

I'm so happy that it was a mystery

I wondered if I could ever truly love myself

I wondered what being truly happy looked like

this is it.