A Battle for Love

Love is it a fight worth fighting for?

Soldiers armed

With weapons

The bullets are loaded

They march

An army of them

Anything in thier way

Won't see another day

I ran with my shaking legs

I stumble and fall

I then began to crawl

Through long thin grass

I try to hide myself

Their footsteps heavy

They shake the earth

Thier faces full of terror

Unpredictable in thier eyes

Thier helmits rock hard

They don't look heavy

But I bet they are

 

One man spots me

The leader high up on a horse

I hear bangs of bullets

They fly past me but miss me

My ears couldn't take the bangs

The leader screams

He instructs his men to surround me

 

The battle for your love

Oh why has recieving your love,

Turned into a heart pain?

I bet all this battling

Makes your love worthless, empty and weak

When will I earn it

When will you realise this is no game

Of losing and not recieving anything back

I promise I will love you too

 

 

Reviews

[zombiikillah666]

awesooooommmmeeeee poem xD

[Sasha]

I absolutely love the way the first stanza is set up. It has very short, but very descriptive lines that create amazing (and almost frightening!) imagery.
"Anything in thier way
Won't see another day"
Come on. That's just sexy.
In the second stanza, I'd change the line to "They fly past, but miss me". It flows better and it's kinda implied that they're flying past you. The last stanza confused me a bit at first, but with a little help from Devons' review and reading over it a few times, I gotcha. And I agree. Love is not a battle meant to be lost. Great job on this, lovely.

[Ruth]

Awesome work love
The battle of love and the self in a war, nicely infused!
xx

[Undying Glory]

methinks everyone should read this. this is just awesome work. the first two stanzas are just so visual, and the third stanza really ties in with everything though at first glance it seems a little strange. the only fault i see is that you misspelled "receiving", or was that intended? anyway brilliant

[Devons]

Clearly stated and described, this has a nice flowing rhythm and imagery. The metaphor of the army and being taken works quite well, despite its being separated somewhat from the object it refers to.
"Of losing and not recieving anything back"
..I like that line. It's a nice way to phrase and observe something which on the face of it seems obvious, yet it is made to seem less so. ("losing" the heart or the battle of love, and not being loved back...)
A good love poem.

PS. there are a couple of errors, you might want to look at it again to check thoroughly.