A Taste of Heaven

I saw an angel today,
He fell from the sky,
He landed in my arms,
As I was walking to my car,
I looked above me,
He must have fallen so far,

His wings were torn,
He can not fly back,
To where he belongs,
My sweet angel,
Stay with me,
Let me fix your broken wing,

Trust me,
I will put together,
The broken pieces of your wing,
So then you can fly agian,
Oh my lovely angel,
I do fear one day,
You will never return again,
Oh how upset I will be,
Longing for you forever,
Not ever again in my life,
Will another angel,
like you,
Fall and crash into my life,
I will keep your broken wing,
So you can't fly out of my sight,

Oh my fallen angel,
I have finally met you today,

Reviews

[Max Murphy]

My experience with poetry is very limited, but I shall do my best to help. As stated previously, nothing is personal in my critiques.

There is often very little room for error in poetry, by its very nature; a concise combination of the absolute perfect words. This means it's either good or it's not, no middle ground. This is good.

To be picky, in the second stanza 'His wings were torn', wings is plural, but from there onwards you refer to only a single wing.

Second line, second stanza 'He can not fly back' I would change it to 'cannot', the addition of an extra word when using 'can not' breaks the nice pace.

The third stanza feels a little long, in context with the previous two. This is just a preference but the switch from two equal stanzas to a much longer one is a bit off putting.

I'm sure I read in one of the reviews about overkill, this is often the point with poetry. To take a small selection of words and squeeze the absolute most out of them. In a book, this may well be overkill, but for poetry it is simply...poetic.

The regular reference and return to the subject of his broken wing is a nice metaphor, whether intentional or not, for humankind's tendency to hang on to the smallest glimmer of love, often against its will.

A nice piece, well written with some nice imagery and a unique twist on two popular subjects; longing for love and the fallen angel. A good job with very little to correct.

[Iota]

I guess you decided to keep the angel after all at least so it can't fly out of site. I see this poem meaning that often someone does fall into our lives and they are broken in some way. We often chose to extend ourselves in an effort of healing them because healing someone makes us feel useful and good. Then we realize even thou they needed our help we needed them to feel useful and we don't want them to leave. I like this write it is a deeper message in it.

[Abdul Aziz]

Well, I think Max Murphy has said everything that can be said about this poem. It is written with passion, with love, as all your writes are, and it is eminently enjoyable because of that very reason. As is your style, you use repetition to impart a steady flow to the poem.
Overall, another well written poem. I liked reading it!

[MissWordSmith]

u can do much better than this! the words are nice and the idea is cute, but u definitely can do better.

[River Wilson]

It reminds me of Peter Pan, Im not that sure why.
This is a sweet poem, i would have loved it EVEN more if it flowed a little more between lines.
such passion.

[Tina Kline]

I could see all that was happening as I read the poem. What to do, that is the question. I really like this.

[Shalini Dinesh (Poet's ..]

i have always imagined an angel as a girl, love should never be forced, you can fix its wings and send back, if at all he really loves you and is meant for you, he will surely come back to you, you neednt keep the broken wings to prevent him from flying..... the poem has got an innocent feel and like a child's dream... well written.

I feel that you need to make a small correction in the poem, i might not be right so just check out, you first described the angel as IT and then changed from IT to HE, which is kind of distracting, i feel it would be better if its "HE" from the very start...

[Charles]

This sounds a bit like lyrics for a song... there's a lot of repetition (which suits song lyrics but not poems as much) and more rhythm lines than figurative language. there are two distracting issues from a technical point. First, you do an abrupt shift from it to he in stanza 1 and second you abruptly emerge the reader in the broken awing thing (a bit incongruous if it/he fell into your hands (and you intend to keep the broken wing... has it separated from the bird's body that you can do this). The extended analogy here works well. :-)

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Max Murphy touched upon many of the same things in his review that I was about to write as well. Suffice it to say, your passion is the foundation upon which great poems can be written. Nurture your soul, protect your heart, live, laugh, and love. These are all things that will turn your petals into a bouquet.

[Tony]

Your passion for poetry is highly inspirational. I really enjoyed reading your work-- and I've always been fascinated with angel symbolism. Well done.

- Makosica

[NCSsworld]

Touching, its something thats in all of us to want to keep someone or something even when it could be hurting them