He says hello and walk in

He says hello and walk in

A Chapter by Rose

I am trapped,

I am locked in,

For years

I have twisted and turned

The stiff handle

Sticking out of the door

Dripping with sweat

From my palm

I have pulled

With all my strength

 

The door,

As heavy as a rock

My life has gone

Spent on trying to open the door

I have had tears

I have had pain

But no one has ever heard me,

Screaming and yelling

From the other side of the door

 

Never have I given up

Not while my body breathes

To say I'm still alive

 

Then I suddenly hear

An echoing voice

Coming from behind the door

A loud and beautiful voice

The sound of a man

Asking me to open the door

And walk in and say hello

 

I spoke but no reply

After that it was a voice

I heard often

When I felt like giving up

 

Trapped,

With no light

Starving with no food

I often feel

I am going to die

But my hopes are still strong

I know I am still alive

But I feel dead inside

 

I wonder...

If my hopes are strong enough

To break down the door

 

I think I know

What's behind it

The voice I have been hearing

I guess it's the door to his life

 

I wish to walk in and say hello



© 2012 Rose


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Reviews

stirring from the first line to the last as we watch this woman struggle through binding threads of self~

Posted 9 Years Ago


This has a very dark desperate feel to it, like someone trapped in a horrible situation just holding onto life by a sliver. Awesome.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Impressive. I got the feeling of someone struggling with perhaps a disease and the voice they hear is the person who is trying to help them. And its that voice, that hope, that keeps them alive and keeps them trying. Great write, I love it!

Posted 9 Years Ago


A very powerful poem. We question our self often in a life. Being caged up with no where to go. I like the emotion and the story in the words. I like the ending. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

Posted 9 Years Ago


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Jim
You do a good job of describing the struggle for happiness. That's certainly a universal concept, something everyone can relate to. I like the irony of the part where the voice tells her to come in. The speaker tries with all her might to open the door, and the voice tells her to come on in, but the owner of the voice apparently doesn't try to open the door from his side. I also like the ambiguity of "out" versus "in." At the opening the speaker says she is locked in, but the voice from the other side of the door tells her to walk in, not out. So what is "in" and what is "out" is all a matter of perspective; her "out" is his "in." The inability or unwillingness of the man to open the door also raises other questions. Is he real or is the speaker imagining him? If he is real, can he open the door himself, or is he as powerless against the door as she is? One can imagine another poem from his perspective, in which he describes how he hears a woman's voice on the other side of the door, but he cannot open the door. He is as powerless as she is.

I am a bit new to poetry, so take my advice with a grain of salt. On the constructive criticism side, you might want to come up with a different way of expressing that the door is "heavy as a rock." That expression gets used so often that it has lost its freshness. I'd try to come up with some other heavy thing to compare it to. Or maybe you could extend the metaphor and compare the door to some specific kind of rock, or maybe even to those old stone sarcophagi in ancient cemeteries, something like that. Also rather than having the speaker just say that she has had tears and pain, maybe you could describe her hands bruised and bloody from clawing on the door, the stairs of her tears on the floor, that sort of thing.

Posted 9 Years Ago


It seems like salvation is on tge other side. But maybe you just need to look for the key?

Posted 9 Years Ago


I could feel the struggle of the writer in this poem. To hear a voice but never being able to reach it would be hard and trialing. This is a great poem.

Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on September 16, 2010
Last Updated on June 28, 2012
Tags: love, emotion, happy, stuck, trapped, life, hell, waiting


Author

Rose
Rose

United Kingdom



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