In the Box

In the Box

A Chapter by Rose

Ask yourself what would you do if you were trapped with someone who you loved


Small space,

Getting hard to breathe

Hard to move

But too shocked to scream

I am surrounded by darkness

Until I realise

I have a torch

I switch it on

The light came on like a beam


My jaw dropped

I wasn't alone

As the light shined over

A face of a boy

I think I already know


So close we were

Like we attached to each other

With glue

I look deep in his eyes

Desperate to know

What he was thinking inside


Searching more deeper

All I could see was his confusement

Which made me sense

He was lost before

Being squashed in a box


That moment we was still

Standing and staring

Gormlessly at each other

In a tall thin box


I touched his shoulder

Then I was drawn to him

Like a magnet

My heart never felt the same way

When I first saw him on TV


My heart rattled,

Trying to get out of its rib cage

The feelings I felt was indescribable

The box heated up

I felt excitement

Rushing through my blood


I place my hands

On every bit of his body

Then I leaned more

Towards his side


He smiled,

He didn't want me to stop

I leaned too far

The box tumbled

To the floor

I lay flat on his face


Written on his face

He couldn't care less

His hands slowly crept

Uncovering my body


He stopped as he saw

My face so alarmed

But deep inside

I felt calm

He snatched the torch

And switched it off


Leaving me in the darkness

With strange repeated noises






© 2012 Rose

Author's Note

I'm not sure whether this should be mature. Perhaps it's because of the ending.

My Review

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I wldn't worry about the rating. The lines are intimate, but they are also charming and very original. My feeling is that the originality of the expressed passion is more important. I also like some of the words that tumble out of you in the urgency of it all, especially 'confusement' which I love and 'gormless' which I also use being from the other side of the Pennines. The switching on and off of the torch also captures the way that our emotions can be in the real, all to often sometimes.

Posted 10 Years Ago

wow, you have a knack for depth and focus, that really adds volumes to
your work as far as reader appeal, nice form as well, you have talent, keep it up.

Posted 10 Years Ago

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32 Reviews
Added on September 18, 2010
Last Updated on June 28, 2012
Tags: love, box, torch, light, touch, boy, girl, movement



United Kingdom

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