He lives within you

He lives within you

A Chapter by Rose
"

A poem about losing a friend over a boy... Don't let boys ruin a perfect relationship

"

Your eyes glued to the picture

The picture of him

That's when I knew

I was losing you

 

We always got on well

But that moment

You met him

He changed you

 

Who are you?

Where is that kind person?

I once knew

I feel she is gone from my life

 

He made you change!

Why?

It shows your weakness

I never wanted to hate you

 

It feels like

He controls you with his mind

He ruins my life

He has taken you away

 

And changed you into a monster

You begin to act familiar

More and more to me

Like my worst enemy

 

Everything you liked

Turned into what you hate

I can't believe

There is no strength in you

 

I hate his guts

I wish he would rot in hell

You see nothing

Nothing to what I see in my eyes

 

You say I don't know him

You talk like him

I feel sadness

From every word you say

 

You're not the person

You use to be

You're far beyond that

Death it was

 

Death to the girl you were

I never got to say goodbye

Not a chance

After she was murdered

 

 



© 2012 Rose


Author's Note

Rose
If you read up the 6th stanza slowly and the rest fastly you will start to feel a strong flow from the poem. I have noticed as I was reading it if you read up to the 6th stanza too fastly it makes the 6th stanza sound meaningless.

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Featured Review

i know the feeling
this was expressed smoothly
with wit and intelligence

i experienced this at thirteen
which was 19 years ago
she was my best friend
i had my first boyfriend
she lost her womanhood first
and he left me for her
it destroyed or friendship;
i was still her friend
but then he wanted to return to me
and that's when she wanted to fight me
while he watched us fight
it was all disgusting
nothing was made right
betrayal hurts
women should stick together
but they don't because romantic feelings are more passionate
than the calm and comfort of friendship...

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

peace my child....destroy the rage....the silent rage...
you could break away from the arms of an iron cage...

Posted 9 Years Ago


This was a great write. I loved the emotions with the poem. I can say I have experienced this as well...with one of my best friends. Me and her have gotten closer again because she is now starting to go back to the way she was...but she is seeing more changes in me...and that scares her...because the changes are starting to pull us apart...but we are trying to save our friendship. I loved this piece as well. Good job.

Posted 9 Years Ago


really amazing poem

Posted 9 Years Ago


*sigh* I know this all too well. I felt what you conveyed, so even if I didn't, I'd get it. This is a great piece.

Posted 10 Years Ago


It reminded me of my school days. :-) Honest work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


A twisted turn of events that sadly turned into a story that I really kinda didn't wanna hear. It's sad. I thought it was (at first) about a girl watching another girl have her leftovers but that wasn't it. It's really sad. I can't get over that!
It was great, really amazing, epic in a depressing way. It's insightful and meaningful and terrific. Great job.
PBP

Posted 10 Years Ago


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TAO
I think you've gotten it, Ms. It's easy enough to see. This a deliberately well done piece. No accidents here, I think. Very, very well done Rosie Crabtree.

Posted 10 Years Ago


You said this well with strong emotion.

Posted 10 Years Ago


I often wonder why its so easy to lose a friend when you get into a relationship with someone? Everything changes and its always so painful.

Posted 10 Years Ago


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Jim
Good poem. You do a good job capturing the intensity of the speaker's feelings. My main suggestion would be to add a bit more detail. You might want to dramatize the meeting between the boy and the speaker's friend, add some description of what happened, how the friend began to change. The opening image of her looking at his picture is something you could expand on as well. Does she sigh, play with her hair, something like that? Some more details about how the speaker's friend is starting to act like the boy would also be good; that would fit in well with the title. I'd also try to find a different way of expressing "I hate his guts/ I wish he would rot in hell" in the eighth stanza. Those expressions get used so much that they have lost their freshness. The speaker could plan some dreadful revenge on the boy--the possibilities are really endless.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on October 21, 2010
Last Updated on June 28, 2012
Tags: friend, gone, hate, enemy, kind, hurt, bad


Author

Rose
Rose

United Kingdom



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