He lives within you

He lives within you

A Chapter by Rose
"

A poem about losing a friend over a boy... Don't let boys ruin a perfect relationship

"

Your eyes glued to the picture

The picture of him

That's when I knew

I was losing you

 

We always got on well

But that moment

You met him

He changed you

 

Who are you?

Where is that kind person?

I once knew

I feel she is gone from my life

 

He made you change!

Why?

It shows your weakness

I never wanted to hate you

 

It feels like

He controls you with his mind

He ruins my life

He has taken you away

 

And changed you into a monster

You begin to act familiar

More and more to me

Like my worst enemy

 

Everything you liked

Turned into what you hate

I can't believe

There is no strength in you

 

I hate his guts

I wish he would rot in hell

You see nothing

Nothing to what I see in my eyes

 

You say I don't know him

You talk like him

I feel sadness

From every word you say

 

You're not the person

You use to be

You're far beyond that

Death it was

 

Death to the girl you were

I never got to say goodbye

Not a chance

After she was murdered

 

 



© 2012 Rose


Author's Note

Rose
If you read up the 6th stanza slowly and the rest fastly you will start to feel a strong flow from the poem. I have noticed as I was reading it if you read up to the 6th stanza too fastly it makes the 6th stanza sound meaningless.

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Featured Review

i know the feeling
this was expressed smoothly
with wit and intelligence

i experienced this at thirteen
which was 19 years ago
she was my best friend
i had my first boyfriend
she lost her womanhood first
and he left me for her
it destroyed or friendship;
i was still her friend
but then he wanted to return to me
and that's when she wanted to fight me
while he watched us fight
it was all disgusting
nothing was made right
betrayal hurts
women should stick together
but they don't because romantic feelings are more passionate
than the calm and comfort of friendship...

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Being in a love relationship I think does change a person, but hopefully not for the worse but love is all consuming so it can come between friends like this I think. Excellent job describing on the feelings of the friend who is abandoned in this situation.

Posted 9 Years Ago


hope someone isn't selfish here....lol but am thinking, is a boy that powerful? whatever.... well written

Posted 9 Years Ago


All was fantastic. I read this twice, slowly the second time.. Such imagery! Wow! I found this was one many of us can relate too. Myself? Oh yes! Stunning is the word I would use for this.. By now I'm sure you know I LOVED it!

Mags xx

Posted 9 Years Ago


I think a lot of people can relate to this piece, myself being one of them. Once certain girls get boyfriends they tend to change, mold themselves around them, give them everything including who they are. Shame on them, but still, we love them. A great write on your part, the emotions you feel are beautifully portrayed in this piece. Gorgeous work, thank you for sharing. :)
-Cathrine

Posted 9 Years Ago


You certainly make your point about whatever relationship it is you're describing. I get lost with all the shifting between you/I/she... the he/his is always clear but the switch in the 'voice' distracts me. There are a lot of small grammar/spelling/punctuation things I know you'll find as you edit a bit. I think you could do something with stanza six to 'slow down' the reader if that's what you want. Use some words, some spacing, some line breaks or punctuation to slow it down - after all, you won't be standing over every reader's shoulder to suggest a reading pace. On a poem this long, I'd personally try to build in some progression to a conclusion (I don't mean that the murder is not a conclusion, I just don't see the stanzas leading step-wise to the big event). Good effort so far.

Posted 9 Years Ago


I think all stanza's have power here love! Its an intense poem that portrays this situation with honesty and passion! Its a sad scenario but one that will continue to happen, sometimes, we have to step aside and gather thoughts, not easy! Brilliant work love xx

Posted 9 Years Ago


Intense write! I really liked the idea behind this, and the thought that went into creating the perfect tone and flow for the piece. Like you mentioned in your Author's Note, I liked the fact that the pace of the poem changed as the poem progressed, and for me, it almost felt like all the emotion in the first half of the poem seemed to gather speed as it headed towards the climax of the piece. The ending really took me by surprise, but it was a really moving end to such an emotional and heartwrenching poem. Great work,
~PaperHearts

Posted 9 Years Ago


I hear ya, gal.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Tis intense. But then life can be intense during such moments. I wonder if said boy wld have any idea what friction he, just be being he, has caused. Life is cruel in its ways at such times, no more so than when matters of the heart are concerned. i like the poem. you have captured the split well and I especially like the way you place importance on how the poem is read, which shows it matters muchly to you, which makes it matter the more to us, too.

Posted 9 Years Ago


i know the feeling
this was expressed smoothly
with wit and intelligence

i experienced this at thirteen
which was 19 years ago
she was my best friend
i had my first boyfriend
she lost her womanhood first
and he left me for her
it destroyed or friendship;
i was still her friend
but then he wanted to return to me
and that's when she wanted to fight me
while he watched us fight
it was all disgusting
nothing was made right
betrayal hurts
women should stick together
but they don't because romantic feelings are more passionate
than the calm and comfort of friendship...

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 21, 2010
Last Updated on June 28, 2012
Tags: friend, gone, hate, enemy, kind, hurt, bad


Author

Rose
Rose

United Kingdom



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