Letter in a Bottle

This lovely bottle that I found at sea

I opened it up

And found a long letter

From my ex-boyfriend

 

“To whom this is concern,

I hope that you find this

Letter hopefully not weird,

Or strange…..

 

I am going to start off with one thing.

My girlfriend is crazy!

There is no way I can please her,

Without her yelling at me,

Like crazy!”

 

That is not true

 

“I go buy her a really special gift

For Valentine’s Day

And she rejects it

She stomps on it

Screams at me”

 

That was because you got me a necklace

With another girl’s name on it

How was I supposed to not get mad?

 

“I thought it would be really cool to date her,

But I thought wrong….

Don’t get me wrong or anything,

The memories that we have

Are really cool.

But most of the time,

We were at each other necks…..”

 

I do agree with that

I did fight with him on a regular base.

It seemed like that the relationship

Was forced.

I feel really bad about it.

I should’ve taken it easier on him.

I do have to admit,

Some were my fault.

I did apologize for the ones

 that I know I had to.

 

“I guess I should start

To where it first started

 

She was such cute girl,

And she was new,

So no one knew much about her

 

One day I had to courage

To ask her out

I was so happy

Because I really like her

 

The first couple days,

We did things like every couple does,

We go on dates,

Kissing,

Learn more about each other.

She seemed like the perfect match…”

 

The memories come as I read this.

It was amazing,

It was the first time I kissed a boy.

I enjoyed it a lot

That was my favorite time.

 

“The day that we had our first argument

Came like this.

We walk each with each other to school

Since we live pretty close….

So I went to grab her hand.

She let go.

She looked at me,

You didn’t say ‘Good morning’

‘And?’

‘You always do……’

‘Good morning.’

She looked as she got smacked in the face.

‘I’m sorry, I expect too much.’

‘No, I’m sorry.’

‘Please don’t blame yourself for my doing.’

‘Why do you do that?’

‘Do what?’

‘You keep on blaming things on yourself.’

‘I’m sorry..’

‘SEE!!!!’

She started crying with constant apology.

I like how she has never yelled,

And never taken a tone with me.

But I guess I can see that I was the one

Who took it wrong.

She never meant anything

I was her first.

I fixed that argument with a kiss

And hold her hand.

She smiled afterwards.’"

 

I never thought of it like that.

It always intrigued me, seeing others perspective.

I guess that I was always the one that can easily change.

 

"I don't know what caused

to be so different,

but I realized that

we were not meant for each other..

So, I'm looking for a new girl now...

I hope that I can find someone that

matches me,

Please write"

 

Wow... This is different,

but now I understand his feelings..

I threw the bottle back

and walked about my way

Author's Note

Ok, the last part was what I wrote quickly... so if any addition needs to be taken, thanks!

Reviews

[Owlgirl]

Woah. That took me by surprise. The ending seemed a little abrupt, but I like how you ended it, with them both leaving. That was excellent. Great job, very well done.

[deepblue04]

thanks!

[Samantha Lynn]

Well, that was kind of.... depressing. They both can just walk away from each other like that? If so then they didn't really like each other to begin with. That is just my opinion though.
Otherwise good. :)

[Pencrafter]

This piece should probably be constructed as a short story rather than a poem. Although it is an interesting story there are many places where it would benefit from a careful proofread, possibly re-arranging some sentences and lines to make more sense. Keep nurturing that imagination and write it all down.

[deepblue04]

thank you!

[EYES OF MY SOUL]

I love how one gets to actually imagine what the other person was thinking even thought the memory happen in the past,nice work.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed this tale. It is cool to look at the past and understand why some people did not fit into a life. I like the letter and the ending. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poem.
Coyote

[deepblue04]

thanks!

[Aehr]

i totally agree with Coyote.

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

Interesting take on the letter in a bottle! I enjoyed this, I agree with Tai though, not your best, but still good!

[deepblue04]

thanks, do you know how it could be better?

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

No, I really don't know. I'm not to good with editing or correcting other's writing. I'd probably just make it worse XD

[deepblue04]

thanks though

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

not a prob :)

[Tai Ryens]

Hmm.. I'm not quite sure what to say regarding this poem. To be honest, it was not your best; but I can see that you tried real hard on it. Your hard work will not be in vain, this could use improvements, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Don't stop trying!

[deepblue04]

it's only the start, it isn't done lol

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

amazing :-D