The Dark World

Sorry I haven’t posted any new material! Here’s a quickie that I just thought of:) feel free to express thoughts below

this world has become nothing but acid
society is painted black
splashes of color appear but are soon consumed by tempting mundane anomalies
etched in is exalted ignorance
no more differentiation is visible
but that doesn’t mean some people will just fall into this trap
I will not let society poison my mind
these negative realizations will always be here
phenomenon of the unknown invites me
I willingly accept it and follow
what I see is the raw truth
we must put an end to a black canvas
and put some color into this dark society
radiating color so bright it takes over the black
magnetized force of new knowledge will become etched into humanity
and this world will become undefinable

Author's Note

Opinions?

Reviews

[Rynn]

"this world has become nothing but acid
society is painted black " - I found this to be incredibly jostling. I enjoy the acid imagery, but felt that the society being painted black reminded me a little too much of an angsty punk band.

"splashes of color appear but are soon consumed by tempting mundane anomalies
etched in is exalted ignorance " - again I am sensing a kind of teenage rebellious type spark to the text.

"no more differentiation is visible
but that doesn’t mean some people will just fall into this trap " - I observed these lines to be especially aggressive.

"I will not let society poison my mind
these negative realizations will always be here
phenomenon of the unknown invites me
I willingly accept it and follow
what I see is the raw truth" - I find the idea of society as a whole against the one who sees truth, is hard to convey without seeming either angsty or preachy. I am finding that to be the case here. I find it hard to relate to.

"we must put an end to a black canvas " - the consistency of color imagery, specifically the color black, accentuates the kind of mess of emotion that that I can only identify as anger.

"and put some color into this dark society
radiating color so bright it takes over the black" - I didn't find this imagery pleasant, only because it was hard for me to imagine color on a black canvas that isn't tainted by the black that was already there.

Overall, It was a bit of a tough read. Although the ideas themselves are just as well, the fashion with which they were written made it difficult to understand. I would take another look at word choice. While your use of language is good, the larger words in a continuous string are a bit hard to swallow, and don't roll off the tongue very well. I can feel the emotion there, but I think a little editing could be helpful for your readers to understand the ideas you're trying to get across. Well done, write on.

-Rynn

[J. Hampton]

Colors would breakthrough darkened days

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree.
"we must put an end to a black canvas
and put some color into this dark society "
The above lines. True and needed. You made your point and I liked the hope and thoughts in your words. Thank you Anna for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[wordman]

i believe you touched on something out of our control,at least for now,society has gone down the tubes,,a quickie,but a great one

[Locke Redwyne (night sy..]

This reminds me of a poem Peregrinator7 did, called Sociey Makers

[audacious]

A feeling I'm sure more and more of us feel everyday, I am captured by the realness painted in the poem.

[Someones]

Really good writing and realistic

[Gejodi]

To see all of societies faults and not be detered you are either an innocent or have amazing will or guidance...dark yet light at end of the tunnel great job