Dear Grandma

life didn't give me the chance

to meet you 

because you're gone

and my body aches with regret

my body shakes with pain

because I never got to hug you

or learn about the foods you like

and hear your stories

and I'm sobbing again

and my fingers feel heavy 

as they hit each letter

I'm sobbing

because of a broken promise

I made to myself

can you hear me? 

can you hear me?

I clench my fists and tremble 

because of the letter I wrote

I thought you'd..

you'd read it

you left before.. 

before I could send it

I needed you to read it

but you're gone

and you're pain is gone

and my pain is strong

but you're pain is gone

it's gone

and it's going to be okay

but tonight

I can hear my heart hit the bottom

of my stomach

knowing that you died

before I had the privilege of knowing 

you

and someone told me 

not knowing you should make this easier

but it doesn't 

it doesn't

because I promised myself I would

I silently promised you too

and I always expected I'd see you

one day

but "one day's" pass too quickly

until one day

you're left with no day's

Grandma, 

rest in the paradise you've been waiting for

a place where you no longer feel pain

until we finally meet

until we finally meet

I love you

Author's Note

Dear readers,
I'm sorry if this was intense
I was crumbling, and writing is how I recover
If you're reading this and you've lost someone you love, my heart goes out to you
And if you're not okay right now, you will be