Crumbling Dictionaries and the Beds You Leave Behind

The longest word in this poem is cigarettes.

look at you now:

sliding off this mattress so goddamn deftly
you might be able to convince a less observant stranger
that even a single one of the rooms
your tattooed feet have touched in the last 20 years
had a floor that was made of lava.
you know that there's no name for the silence you keep
while you escape through every furniture labyrinth
that the morning dark of random motels has to offer...

...right?

either way, i bet you realize that i know my way home
less well than your lies know their way around the cigarettes
you smoke down to the filter, and then some,
but i guess i just wanted to show you
that it wouldn't take more than a match
and three syllables at a time
to nail you to a page and set you on fire.

these dumps charge me by the hour.
these nights charge you by the sin.

Reviews

[Jeanmarie Flaherty]

Okay. The phrase that slipped from my lips when this was done was simply

"Good lord."

If wow wasn't such a undeserving word to use towards your writing then I would just write that and leave. But it seems your brain would simply be insulted...it would have to be.

This is laced with disgust, with the painted vision of a woman who believes, due to her own insecurities or simply disillusions, that she is better than a pay by the hour room...despite the fact she dwells there.

It's dark and dingy, there's spit laying across your words, it's the color of rust and has the scent of stale smoke at 3 AM. Nicotine stained walls and you captured everything...

I can almost hear her voice.

Brilliant, Darlin'. You've caught my attention.

~Jeanie.

[frankie sanchez]

Wow. Where to begin. This blew me away. It reminds me of a collaborative series I was working on about a prostitute and the men who need her. But this... man, this is incredible. Even the note at the top. This is a seriously stellar account, a moment captured perfectly, simply and profoundly. I almost wish it was a little longer, it left me wanting to know more about these two characters and the room they are in.

[Emily B]

look at you, all these incredible reviews lining your page, and every one incredibly well-deserved

[Collette Paige]

I agree with what another writer said.

tHe disgust of a woman who has that "holier than thou" persona is ever present as she speaks to what I believe is a hooker (I'm a child, a bit naive at times so just clarifying).
That makes this both beautiful and thought provoking.
Great job, sorry I couldn't write more but I would hate to insult your intellegience ^_^

~critique because I love~

[JewelsGold]

Hey now, you might just be as angry as me in this one. Kudos to anger, it is a passionate fire for inspiration, yes? It has lots and lots to tell now doesn't it?
Loved it, good work.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

press them into paper in the morning like an ink version of the flower drying between pages~
a glimpse into a night where body is as body does with heart bleeding and mind bending~

[arbitrary jane]

serious grit.
although i feel like a few of the lines are chunky, rather than razor-edged.
the match and three syllables, though. that stuff's aces.

fine, fine, i'll subscribe already.

[Kerry O'Connor]

This is like a glimpse through a curtain into the shabby room of unloving love-making. You have captured that sense of satiated regret with the style of a great writer.
That's two oxymorons for you and one round of applause.

[Ebs Newman]

Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Powerful words. Powerful.

[Daniel Atkinson]

The last two lines were freaking genius. Brilliant write, my friend, like always.