Watch the Sky

I can't tell if it's happy or sad, but I like it.

i fell asleep upon the ocean and
i woke to find i was an optimist
floating on a sunset-slaughtered bay.
i saw i couldn't see the shore
and guessed it didn't miss me
since i barely even missed it anymore.
there was a song that got inside my head
and i like to think it may have just been yours,
you are wind chimes to a hurricane
i am someone else's weathervane
and i can't remember how things were before.

Reviews

[arbitrary jane]

happy and sad are arbitrary. this is slow beauty. i love the way it wends, and we follow the bending and turning of thoughts. and for all the songs that stay with you, and for all the waking to optimism, and for all the leaving behind of things we dont even miss... and for that line 'a sunset-slaughtered bay' (what i wouldnt give for a line like that)... and for everything this poem doesnt say... i'll keep it's slow, deliberate, drifting grace. something to come back to when i begin to forget.

[Robin]

you have me sailing along , in favorable winds , whistling a tune I only know by note by note ..

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

i fell asleep upon the ocean and
i woke to find i was an optimist


it happens to the most pessimistic of us~ it's a wave thing =)~ for me this is beautiful and bliss~ metaphors like sea spray on a smile~

[Hayley]

The rhyming is superb! It's short but I love it. "sun-slaughtered bay" - I immediately was then immersed in your words. I like how you strayed from the image of the ocean for just a moment to say "there was a song that got inside my head" but then got right back to the ocean, mentioning a hurricane. I love how this all ties back to the ocean and the thoughts that seem to be keeping the speaker at bay from the water... a perfect metaphor. Excellent piece!

[sherwin]

Let us decide if its happy or sad, and to have such a black and white description to this poem would be a dishonor. Really great piece, if this feels like a departure to you compared to your other stuff then embrace it.

[.]

You decide if it's happy or sad...but it is simply superb, wonderful expressions:)

[Lilly Negoi]

brief and compact and fluid. and i love the "sunset-slaughtered bay"

[ju]

wow. i like that. sunset-slaughtered bay- is brilliant. so hard to re-write a flaming sunset without cliche- but you did it. the words just feel so natural. stunning.