the tale of sato kazuya

sorry the work is not complete this is the first chapter

The tale of sato kazuya

Chapter 1

centuries ago major leagues of samurai ruled the world. The time was known as the golden era of samurai. Ten major clans rose and broke through human limitation using the sacred power of ‘Kai’. Kai was described as a source of energy in the ancient scriptures of the Indian subcontinent mastered by warriors in the ancient times. The power of Kai was not something that someone was born with, this power was obtained by becoming one with nature, by synchronising your one self with mother earth. 

The ancient scriptures described ‘Kai’ as a force which is harnessed by awakening the Seven Wheels in one's body and that can only be achieved if you become one with nature’. 

The Ten clans of Samurai were divided into 3 alliances based on their swordsmanship:

The first  and the most feared alliance of the Samurais which were known for their mastery in swordsmanship was ‘The Eastern Falcons’. This alliance consisted of Four Clans, ‘the museon ’, ‘the tapperhet ’, ‘the feuer’ and ‘the thunder’. 

The second alliance which had mastered their control over kai and used fencing swords were named ‘the western lions’ and The alliance consisted of four clans ‘the kinzoku’, ‘the ken’, ‘the thamha’ and ‘the Jiāngyào’. 

And the third alliance was named ‘the black dragons’, as per their name, they lived in the shadows and were rumoured to possess great powers, however, no one had known anything about them for sure as they never revealed themselves to the common people of the world and worked undercover. The only thing known about the alliance was that they wore robes and masks while carrying a katana. They were rumoured to be the strongest of the alliances with only two Clan members ‘the Hitohashiri’ and ‘the Senshi’.

After the alliances were made they started to hone their skills to show dominance over the other. 

The eastern falcons started to practice kai execution in which they used kai, to reinforce and strengthen a single point of the sword, increasing the intensity of their attack. 

the western lions started to enhance their bodies and learned kai extension as a technique in which you create copies of your weapon using kai and strike multiple strokes in one swing which proved fatal to the enemies in fencing swords. 

When all of the clans were trying their best to hone their skills a word was spread that ‘the black dragons can use elemental kai’, shocked and intrigued at the same time, by this information, both the alliances sent their spies to know what the elemental kai was capable of and were the black dragons actually using this technique.

The spies looked out for the black dragons for days altogether and when they were about to give up they heard loud noises which sounded like thunderbolts. They were caught with surprise as the weather was clear and there was no trace of clouds anywhere in the vicinity. They followed the noise and finally reached the peak of a mountain, where they saw a boy who seemed to be in his teens and was training on his katana. The spies were left amazed and petrified at the same time to see that the Katana of this boy left a fire trail behind it which seemed like a thunder bolt fell from the sky filling the surroundings with loud crashes of thunderbolts. This boy was from the black dragons alliance and a member of the hitohashiri clan, when the spies got this information they got so scared that they fled the site and went back to their respective alliances and narrated what they had seen. At first the Clan heads found it very difficult to believe that someone could make such powerful use of Kai but then they decided to witness it first hand. The spies led them to the hideout where the boy was training and on witnessing it with their own eyes the clan heads realised the scales of power had tipped way too far. The clan heads heard “hey you there there's no use to hide anymore” the heads tok out their swords and went towards the boy after the clan heads introduced themselves the boy spoke “i am takahashi kazuya a member of the hitohashiri clan and i would love for you all to leave you are disturbing my training.” The guards tried to attack him but the clan heads stopped them and went back.

When both of the alliances went back they formed a coalition to defeat the black dragon alliance and take their techniques away from them. This greed of power caused major destruction for a decade, at last kazuya had enough of the war. He proposed a deal “each clan will send a representative into a group called the pillars. Those clans who do agree to this will be given permission into an academy which will teach the elemental change and those who don't will not” after 2 years of argument the 10 pillar alliance was made finally ending the war. 

As kazuya promised an academy was built and was named ‘the 10 pillar academy’. With time slowly the peace started to fade away as elemental kai started to become common knowledge and the clans grew stronger. Slowly the strongest member of the clan was sent as the pillar and it became accustomed to make the pillar the head of the clan. The 10 pillars were no longer considered the beacon of peace but rather the strongest group of individuals and the 10 pillar academy became a big battlefield to train future pillars.

After years of peace another war had raged between eastern falcons and the black dragons. A legend rose in this time period with the name of takahashi haruto of the hitohashiri, it was rumoured that he cleared a whole falcon camp all by himself when he was just 20. After five years the heat of the war slowly went cold but the tension was still very high between the alliances when Haruto was crowned as the clan head. As soon as Haruto became the clan head he stripped the people who didn't match up to the standards set by the clan of their right as a samurai and to call themselves a hitohashiri. Following the rules he even kicked his brother Takahashi Asahi out of the clan as he said “equal rights should be given to everyone”.

 

A few days later Haruto had a son with his wife Sato ichika.When the baby was born, Ichika said “he has such a beautiful smile I’ll name him Renji, takahashi Renji”, (“Renji” means joyous.) As soon as she finished the sentence the birthplace was infiltrated by the eastern falcons. The intruder started to release loads of kai and blood lust as his sword started to glow very brightly and he screamed “this is for my comrades” as he swung down his sword towards renji but ichika blocked the strike using herself. 

Haruto entered the birthplace singing and was happy after hearing that his child was born but when he turned around, he froze in shock and said “this can’t be real, you must be joking. What is this?” as he grabs the shoulder of a nurse nearby and says “why is my wife covered in blood? Why is there a man covered in blood also there? Where is my son?” while shedding tears. The nurse looked down at the ground and said “the birthplace was invaded, lady ichika lost her life protecting the child and the intruder was killed by a kai blast done by her. The baby is safe but his eyesight has deteriorated due to the kai explosion and as we see it with time it will only get worse.”  Haruto said “what about kai healing?” the nurse replied “sir, kai cannot heal it as kai no longer connects to his eyes” Haruto dropped to his knees and started to cry.

After 15 minutes he calmed down and asked “Did she give him a name?” The nurse replied “yes, she named him renji” Haruto picked up renji and said “renji, takahashi renji, a befitting name for the next greatest samurai, the next clan head the one who shall surpass me.” as he raised the child in the air towards the rising sun.

When asahi heard about the disability of renji, he came rushing to Haruto and started to place his argument “Haruto, today your blind child is being considered as a member to this glorious clan  which is respected around the world as one of the strongest clan in the league of samurais, some people even consider him to be the next clan head after you are gone. If this blind child is worthy of all this, then we demand that either give us our rightful place in this clan of extraordinary samurais and if not, then banish your blind son from the clan right now.” When the public heard of those revolting riots started with the slogans of “The law of the clan cannot be different for the son of clan head, Banish him, Banish him” supporters of Haruto were silent and were looking at him, waiting for him to say something.

Haruto can be seen sitting in his chambers and thinking while his right-hand man, Watanabe Akio, stood next to him. Haruto closed his eyes and thought ‘I have reached the crossroads in my life now. On the path I shall have to betray my clan and leave with my son but it would be like throwing my clan into the flames of chaos. However, my son will be safe. On the other path I shall have to banish my son and strip him of all his rights to save the clan from being destroyed by other alliances. It’s either my son or thousands of lives of the people of the clan’ he opened his eyes and looks towards akio and said “Akio call the council meeting, the decision is about my son and as per the code of the clan, I being his father am not eligible to take this decision alone.”

Akio called a council meeting to order to take and declare the decision on the matter, he said “Takahashi haruto the clan head and the representative of the hitohashiri clan in the 10 pillar conference asks, after the vision impairment of his son in the recent infiltration by the Eastern Falcons has asked the council the take the decision as to whether or not to banish his son from the clan. He has recused himself from this decision being the father of the child as per the Code of the Clan. Now the dignitaries of the council have to take the decision.”. After hours of discussion the 16 member council got divided in two exact halves. where 8 members were in favour and 8 were denying the decision. Seeing the situation Haruto had to come forward and say “in situations like this the code of the clan allows the clan head to use his veto. Now I seek permission from the grand council to announce the decision.” The council immediately approved and requested Haruto to announce his decision.

After this Haruto declared “the code of the clan is the law which runs our community and it gives no room to spare anybody who does not match up to the high standards of physical and mental fitness required to be a member of the hitohashiri clan. Following the code i give my decision after exercising my veto power that the child with vision impairment who’s given name is renji be and is hereby banished from the hitohashiri clan.” loud uproar follows after this decision, haruto again says “noone from the clan shall give shelter to this child, the decision is made” haruto took this decision with a heavy heart the entire council room was filled with noises of people who could not believe what just had happened. Just then a screeching voice came from within the crowd. It was the right hand man of Haruto, Watanabe akio. He said “I will adopt this child, I will take care of this child as my own.”

Hearing akio’s bold statement asahi spoke up “how can you adopt the child didn’t you hear what he just said. He said that no one from the clan shall give shelter to this child.” akio replied “if so then i voluntarily step down from my position and give up my clan name. I also take a vow to raise this child and make him a good person.”

When Haruto went back into his room he started to cry leaning on the wall saying “i wish i could have been there” but suddenly the tears started to burn and his sorrow started to turn into rage. The whole area started to get filled with his anger and the pressure of his leaking kai, the windows started to break while the floors shaked as he screamed in rage “I'll kill those b******s who attacked my family.”

Akio can be seen sitting in his in his house as he took the child in his arms as he said “i'll name you kazuya, sato kazuya just as the founder of elemental kai”

5 years later

Kazuya went towards Akio saying “dad, I am going to become the greatest samurai in the world” with his wooden katana in hand but he bumped into a wall and started to cry. akio came to him in an attempt to comfort him while thinking ‘let's think how can i make him see better’. Later while laying down he saw Kazuya going to a shadowy place and as soon as sunlight stopped falling straight on his eyes he stopped bumping into stuff. Akio got an idea he called kazuya and gave him a pair of shades and said “take care of them” as he put on the shades on his eyes. 

A month later Kazuya can be seen swinging his wooden katana at a tree but hitting a different spot every time as his pure white hair drips from sweat. Akio called kazuya and said “don't push yourself too hard.” as he wiped the sweat from kazuya’s head but kazuya replied “but if i don't train hard i will not be able surpass the pillars” Akio said again in an attempt to make him understand “kazuya but rest is also important it helps your muscles to grow and get stronger” kazuya replied “but i think a good night sleep is enough” akio sighs and said “i can't explain to you, go continue” kazuya scratched his head in confusion and went back to training. When kazuya finally got tired and came back into the house, Akio saw many parts of the tree a little shaved, in reaction to the scene he smiled and said “this guy, he shaved the tree using a wooden katana, what a little monster”.

For the next 2 years Kazuya trained hard in swordsmanship in an attempt to perfect his skills but in the meantime he got to know about different sword styles. Kazuya went to akio and asked “father i read in a book about different sword styles. Can you tell me about them?” akio looks towards kazuya and says “yes kazuya but i think you should first perfect the style i taught you first” while smiling. Kazuya replies “ok dad” and leaves to train.

Late at night kazuya can be seen reading some books but as soon as akio came in the room he closed it and hid it behind him. Akio said “time to sleep kazuya” pointing towards the clock, to which kazuya replied “coming” he leaves the book there itself. The title of the book can be seen as ‘learn the eastern falcon sword style’ with a katana with the falcon symbol imprinted below and the title with fire all around it. 

Next day Kazuya picked up his katana and went to the forest and started to hit the trees and suddenly remembered a technique in the book as he changed his footing and lowered his body striking the tree from below. The sword can be seen stuck in the log, he went rushing to akio and said “dad my sword got stuck” akio went towards the tree and saw the sword stuck half way through it and thought ‘did he practice slashing his sword from the side this much to hollow the tree or did he do something else’ he looks towards kazuya and thinks again ‘like a kid can do something at this level’ and takes out the katana and gives it back to kazuya saying “next time use it with care” kazuya replies enthusiastically “yes!”.

After Akio left Kazuya thought ‘these sword styles are broken but why is my sword style so weak? Let me check’. He went to the library in his house and started to read about the hitohashiri style. After hours of studying he found out his footing was wrong and it was holding him back. When he went back to the tree he started to breathe differently and suddenly pushed all of the air out of his lungs. He looked towards the log with serious eyes and slashed the sword downwards while stepping forwards and saw a deep slash in the wood and was amazed that he could do so much damage with just a wooden katana and got excited.

For the next 7 years he worked on his sword styles and perfected the hitohashiri style and the eastern falcon style. He also learned kai contro in the meantime. When he was reading a book about the senshi sword style akio barged into the room and said “someone important has come to meet you” kazuya hid the book and said “coming” he hastily dressed up in a formal attire with a black tie white shirt and black pants. He came rushing in and asked “what happened?” and he saw a man sitting in front of akio while he tried to collect his breadth, akio said “meet mr. akira'' kazuya composed himself and said, offering a hand, “good evening i am sato kazuya son of watanabe akio. May I ask what might be your business with me?” Akira replied “I am here representing the ten pillar academy of samurai” Kazuya got curious and asked “So you are from the prestigious academy, what may a person represent a place made for the gathering of the ignorant-'' akio pulled his ear towards him and apologise to akira for kazuya’s rude words. Akira replied as clam can be “no need to stop him, let him continue '' and developed a look of mischief on his face while completing the sentence. Akio let kazuya go and he continued “what business does that place make for the gathering of those ignorant claned fools have for me? Is the claned nobility so deprived of worthy samurai that they are looking towards the clanless? And i thought those noble fools knew better than to just bully the weak and clanless while feeding off them turns out they also when to give their pride and look towards the people they bully themselves” akira’s eyes light up with excitement and he thought ‘interesting’ and said in a commanding tone “i didn't come here to ask for help i came here to invite you to the 10 pillar academy. Enter if you can and show your so-called fools their place or learn yours.” as he slammed a file. Without even looking at the documents Kazuya screamed and replied “challenge accepted!”. 

Kazuya stood up all night and read the 100 page document given to him by Akira and got more and more excited as he went through them. While reading, only one thought went through his mind: ‘I will show those noble b******s their place.’ ‘Like hell I will lose.’ ‘Once I get into the academy I will climb the chain and reach the top at a speed no one has ever climbed.’

Sometime later, Akira can be seen sitting on a table with around 20 people on it. The words “my bet is over Sato Kazuya” could be heard from his mouth. The voting went on for a while after her cast and arguments rose. After the votes a man spoke up “why are you supporting a clanless there are hundreds of royals participating in the tournament?” Akira replied with an excited face “you would know if you spoke to him, he will be the real deal in the future you better be prepared he will be a real asset.” 

After a few days Kazuya went to the given address with his documents. When he submitted them no one believed for a while that he really was a participant due to him being clanless but after a call from akira he was let in. When he walked in he saw a horde of people in front of a stage where a host was standing. The host introduced himself as “hello everyone welcome to the 10 pillar academy scholarship tournament. I am Akihiko, a professor at the 10 pillar academy and your host for today. I wish all of you best of luck for the tournament.” 

Kazuya was allotted the D block due to him being a clanless and a low bidded contestant. While Kazuya was sitting there reading a book about the senshi sword style. A person with brown skin tone approached him and said “hello i am rana from the senshi clan” cheerfully, kazuya showed no interest in him and replied with “sato kazuya”. Rana, still trying to make a conversation, tried to find something in common but everything in kazuya was the exact opposite from his, from the behaviour to the attire everything was different. Just as he was about to give up he spotted the book on senshi style and got excited by finally finding something in common. Rana said curiously “you seem to be interested in the senshi sword style. Should I help?” with a huge smile on his face. Kazuya replied, still disinterested “no way.” and thought ‘why would i train with my first opponent’. Hearing the harsh words from kazuya got shocked as he had never faced such a rejection before and got petrified from it.

When Rana finally looked back where Kazuya was, he had already left. Later in the match he was still frozen from the shock as Kazuya walked into the ring and looked at him with surprise and thought ‘did my words hurt him that much? How sensitive is he? Is he a girl or something.’ as a kazuya who was deep dived into his thoughts and a petrified rana stood in the ring the commentator started announcing “hello everyone! I am Akihiko here, commenting on the match for the D block. The first match is between a senshi, rana and a clanless kazuya. The match will be a single round fight and the winner will advance to the next round” Kazuya’s face went expressionless as he thought ‘one round; let's make this quick” while pointing his swords at Rana, still partially petrified.

Akihiko announced “Now that the announcements are done, let the swords clash!” As soon as the match started Kazuya dashed towards Rana knowing that his mind was not present at the moment. Just as the blade reached inches away from his face, Rana snapped back to reality and dodged the blade and made Kazuya’s katana get lodged into the ground delaying his actions as Rana took out his katana. Kazuya who now had his back towards Kazuya grabbed him and put him in a lock making Kazuya immobile for the moment. Akihiko commented “a wonderful comeback from rana. Now will Kazuya force his way out of Rana's grip or will he give in.” Kazuya, struggling to claim back his control, tried to reach his katana desperately but could only reach the saya. Rana took out his katana and just as he was about to point it at Kazuya, he luckily knocked Rana out using his saya and laid on the ground tired, realising his weakness. Akihiko announced the end of the match by saying “sato kazuya has beaten all odds and made a comeback, sato kazuya is now declared the winner of the first match of the ten pillar scholarship tournament!” Kazuya and the decision was made. He won which made him relax on the ground but it's not like the people would let him rest. People started to accuse him of cheating, false tactics and many bad things which made Kazuya’s resentment for the clans even more severe. Kazuya screamed in the stadium “all of you claned fools accusing me of such bad things today will regret every single bit of this when this clanless kid beats each and every samurai in existence and then becomes the strongest in the world you all will not be able to even reach my feet. So diss me all you want just be prepared for the future.” and stormed out of the arena leaving everyone silent in there. Even from a distance Akihiko noticed the look in his eyes and thought ‘so this was your reason akira, nice hand. He really can be useful, his dedication I like it, especially his dream. It's exciting to say the least.’

After the match

At his house Kazuya came back and laid on his bed frustrated about the match. Thoughts like ‘am i really so weak?’ ‘Why did I struggle against a zoned out enemy?’ but was interrupted by akio, who came in and asked “so how did the match go?” Kazuya replied with just a hmm, not interested in the subject and still laying on the bed upside down. Akio got irritated from the undisciplined actions from kazuya and shouted “you sit and look me in my eyes when you talk! Got it?” Kazuya quickly sat and knew a long lecture on discipline was on the way.

After hours of lectures and a full explanation of what happened in the match Kazuya started to leave. Akio said with a commanding voice “did i tell you to leave?” Kazuya turned around and gulped, replying “n-no” . Akio said again in a commanding tone, “Then come and sit back down.” when kazuya sat back down akio asked “are you not forgetting to tell me something kazuya?” Kazuya shaked his head and replied “no, not that I remember”. Akio asked “you all will not be able to reach my feet, ring a bell?” Kazuya started to sweat a lot suddenly and he replied “o-oh about t-that-” akio cut him off and shouted “what about that huh! How many times do i tell you not to openly challenge claned people? They can end up hurting you.” Kazuya nodded in agreement and again started getting scolded.

Later Kazuya started training for his next match which was in a month. Kazuya could be seen standing in front of a training dummy trying to charge Kai into his katana. Kazuya was able to access an unreasonably small kai pool and did not have major amounts of kai at his disposal. After many failed attempts kazuya thought of refining his sword techniques through kai before he had decided to make his sword techniques as physically strong as possible for him.

While Kazuya was out in the training ground working out he felt a gaze on him and looked around but due to being unable to find his shades was not able to recognize the person. As soon as he was about to call out to akio he heard glass being crushed and the voice of a person saying “what does a clanless kid need shades for. The little kid tryna look cool” as he heard a loud stomp and more glass being crushed. Kazuya’s rage could be seen in his eyes, his aura started to darken. the man scoffed “oh the little kid got angry?”. Kazuya said with a killer’s voice “how dare you!” standing up while picking up his katana, only those three words sent chills down his spine making him grip his katana. Suddenly kazuya disappeared along with his katana, the could be seen looking around as he suddenly felt a kai signature behind him and barely blocked a heavy strike from the below using his own katana. The man heard the words ‘ hitohashiri second strike’ as kazuya’s katana which was on the offence started to radiate a blue aura nicking the katana of the man. The man took a stance of his own trying to shake off the kid but couldn't because wherever he tried to shake him off kazuya just changed his stance and maintained the strike’s power at full force and kept the man locked down and not letting him escape. Slowly  the man started to notice that the boy’s katana was radiating a very light amount of kai and thought ‘I can overpower this kid with my kai.’ as the man started charging his katana with kai making it sharper.

Kazuya sensed the kai and said with a faint voice “that’s all you got. My warm up is harder than this” with a mocking tone while forcing the blade back up and still not giving up his advantageous position making the man pour all of his strength in the strike to just keep kazuya down. Kazuya said with a very calm tone as his face went expressionless “samurai code, rule#1 - never lose your cool. Hitohashiri counter attack : rotating vortex” kazuya in a swift movement rolled outside of the clash of swords making the man’s katana slam into the ground and get stuck in the ground. The man thought that kazuya would be done from his offence and started to relax but when he looked over the kid was still in motion with a killer’s eyes. Looking at the scene the man panickingly tried to take out his katana from the ground. Kazuya spun around and swung his katana down towards the neck of the person. The blue aura around his katana got heavier and became dark as he slashed down, the man did his best trying to save himself but he couldn't, rather could only look kazuya in the eye as death approached him. 

After a few moments Akio came back from the market and saw a blood stained kazuya with his face facing the ground, slowly his gaze turned towards the ground as he saw a katana covered in splatters of blood next to a severed head. When akio went closer to kazuya he noticed a katana radiating large amounts of kai in the hands of kazuya and heard “don’t you ever again disrespect my father’s gift again or the outcome isn’t going to be just death. UNDERSTAND!?” and witnessed his son’s rage for the first time.

Kazuya looked up, sensing high amounts of blood lust, he saw a man and could make out a faint image of akio in front of him. Akio came closer to kazuya and slapped him across the face and shouted “Do you know how much trouble killing a branch clan noble can get you?” Not responding, Kazuya just lowered his head which enraged akio even more and he shouted again “i asked a question. Do you know how much trouble this can get you in?” Kazuya responded with a faint voice “yes” . Akio ordered him to raise his head and look him straight in the eyes. When kazuya raised his head even with his poor vision he could see the rage in akio as he spoke up “now tell me. Why did you kill him?” to this kazuya responded “he destroyed the shades you gave me” hearing this akio’s anger got even more and he shouted “you killed a real person for some dumb shades!” kazuya tried to explain saying “but h-” akio interrupted agriely “i am making your katana blunt on both edges so you can't do dumb s**t like this again” kazuya tried to argue “dad a blunt katana wont cut through the air” akio shut him down by just saying “doesn’t matter” and went away with kazuya’s katana.

In the evening akio came back with the blunt katana and handed it to kazuya saying “practice hard you have a match coming up.” Kazuya was left looking towards the blunt piece of metal in his hand thinking ‘is he crazy you cant even call it a katana anymore’ and got up and went back to his room leaving his now blunt katana outside and went into his room disappointed. Next day when he woke up he picked up a metal rod instead of going for his katana outside and went to his training grounds. 

In the training grounds he started to swing his katana trying to get used to wind resistance but no matter how many times he tried he just couldn't balance his swing without ruining his positioning. He kept swinging the rod over and over until it dropped, leaving Kazuya with a scarring realisation. The only reason he could swing straight was the sharpness of his katana leaving him disappointed with himself and a new drive to improve himself.

Kazuya started to swing the pole on a daily basis and from day to night he just kept going on and on with his training. In 2 weeks he could almost swing straight making kazuya know that he is improving but he couldn't train anymore because the tournament was on his head forcing him to stop training on his swing. Still, Kazuya was confident in his control over his katana now and knew he could control his katana better than ever.

On the day of the second match Kazuya could be seen standing in front of a blond girl with short hair, fair skin and a white armour with gold patterns. Kazuya bowed and greeted her as “I am Kazuya, Sato Kazuya, a clanless person. I will be your next competitor '' Without letting the introductions complete, Akihiko announced the start of the match. None of them moved, giving the blond time to introduce herself “ I am Alex of the ken clan. It's a pleasure to have you as my opponent sato kazuya” while taking out her fencing sword.as soon as the introduction is done alex dashes towards kazuya to attack kazuya. Kazuya swiftly draws his katana but still attempts to dodge, doubting his skill but due to Alex's accuracy has to deflect those attacks. While Alex keeps on thrusting her blade at him continuously not letting him gain footing no matter how many times he tries. After a few minutes Kazuya starts to realise that the weakness of a fencing sword is its thinness. He swings his katana to strike the sword at the base saying “let's finish this quick” but the katana gets blocked by kai projections of the blade as making him annoyed and think ‘she can already project kai extensions she seems to be a prodigy in kai control” as he stepped back and saying “you're pretty good” putting his katana back in the saya as he took a defensive stance with his hands in front of his face without his katana. Alex, seeing this as an opening, rushed in saying “bye” but Kazuya grabbed the sword from the base saying “too slow” while elbowing her in the face. Alex almost got knocked out by the impact, immediately Kazuya started to leave the ring saying “looking forward to meeting again someday and i hope we are on good terms” Alex replied “yeah for sure. But remember, I will win next time” while giggling a little just before fainting. Kazuya smiled while walking outside thinking ‘maybe not all of the claned people are that bad, i hope to see her in the future’.

Author's Note

i would love a review of anything that comes to your mind.

especially does this make you excited to read the rest of the story

Reviews

[JayG]

Well, you did ask for comment. So if you need someone to blame….

You’ve worked hard on this. That’s obvious. And because you have you have a deep emotional connection to the work, which will make this harder. But bear in mind that what I’m about to say has nothing to do with your talent for writing or storytelling. It’s about the lack of training in the necessary skills that your talent has been given.

Here’s the deal. This is a history lesson, presented in exactly the same format a textbook would be. Look at the line: “Kai was described as a source of energy in the ancient scriptures of the Indian subcontinent mastered by warriors in the ancient times.”

But how many history books have you read for fun?

That aside, This is a sourceless and dispassionate voice, lecturing the reader on the past...providing information the reader has not been made to want. It's called an info-dump, and is to be avoided. Backstory should be given where needed, and only what's needed by the protagonist, in-that-moment.

From beginning to end, this is presented in overview and summation by the only one on stage, the narrator. And because only you know how that narrator would perform, the voice contains only the emotion suggested by punctuation (which is seen after the line has been read. So, we’re not on the scene, being made to live the story as it happens, we’re reading a report on it.

The section before the birth of the baby is 1065 words long, or four full standard-length manuscript pages. Four ages in which nothing happens, and no scene begins.

Why does the reader care what happened before the story began? It’s irrelevant to the story, which takes place in the moment the protagonist calls “now.” But do you have a protagonist?

The thing that all of us miss when we turn to fiction is that the goal of fiction isn’t to learn the details of fictional people’s lives. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” And in all your years of school, no one told you that, or, gave you the tools and knowledge needed to do that, because their job was to ready you for the kind of writing needed by employers: nonfiction.

Look at what happens at the birth of the child.

• Haruto entered the birthplace singing and was happy after hearing that his child was born but when he turned around, he froze in shock and said “this can’t be real, you must be joking. What is this?”

Here, you have him enter, but then, place effect before cause, which is impossible. He freezes before we learn what he’s reacting to. So from the reader’s viewpoint, and as they read, he does so for no known reason. But then… place yourself in his place:

1. He walks through a door. And doesn’t see the dead bodies? He only sees them when he turns around and looks behind? You didn’t mean that, but it is what you told the reader.
2. There are dead bodies. But before we know what he sees, he reacts to them. So again the reader is saying, “Huh?” effect before cause.
3. If you saw your wife—the woman you love, and the mother of your child—lying dead, and the floor covered in blood. Would you say, “You must be kidding?” And say it to no one? An emotionally devastating moment, the man has discovered his wife, murdered, and the reaction is THAT mild? And afterward, the brave warrior cries for fifteen minutes? Naa. can't buy that as a human reaction.

• as he grabs the shoulder of a nurse nearby and says “why is my wife covered in blood? Why is there a man covered in blood also there? Where is my son?” while shedding tears.

So the man, a warrior, experienced in battle, sees his wife on the floor, with a huge wound, dead. Near her is another man, also dead. And he calmly asks this? Would you? Hell no. No emotionl reaction. Not even a small, “Oh no”? Were I him, I'd assume there are more killers about and think in terms of defense, first. And were you seeing the situation through his eyes, in his situation, not your own, so would you.


When you use lines like, “Haruto can be seen sitting in his chambers…” you're distancing yourself from the reader. He “can be seen?” By whom? No one cares what CAN be seen, they want to know what matters to the protagonist.

You’re thinking cinematically, and focusing on the visual. But we can’t do that. In person or on film, everything is parallel. In an instant, we see everything in the room. Bang, and we know who’s there, the dress, the ambiance and setting—even the dress, body attitude, and social position of the people. And sound-wise in little more time than that, we’re on the scene live.

On the page, though, everything must be spelled out, one…item…at…a…time. But we CAN’T waste pages of text that only describes furniture. No one would read it. So, if we can’t place the reader on the scene as it happens, that way, we need another. And that alternative is to take the reader where film can’t go, into the head of the protagonist. It’s the reason the film and print versions of a novel are, and must be, so different.

But how much time was spent in your school days on how to do that? Zero, right? They never explained what the elements of a scene on the page are, or how to manage them. They never gave you even the basics, like the three issues we must address quickly on entering a scene, so the reader has context. And no one mentioned the goal of fiction, which is to make the reader feel as if they ARE the protagonist,living the story minute-by-minute, in real-time.

So, because they don’t kow that, we pretty much universally either write the story as a chronicle of events or transcribe ourselves talking about it. Unfortunately, neither work on the page. So you have a LOT of company.

But… you have the desire, the story, and the perseverance. All you lack is the tricks of the trade. And I can help with that.

The most sensible way to begin is with the basics, via textbook. You work at your own pace, there’s no pressure or schedule, and, no tests. And because you’ll be learning something you want to know, what’s not to love?

The fun part is that because the fiction-writing approach to writing forces you to literally live the story as the protagonist, taking everything he would into account and using his resources and his needs as your guideposts, it will feel as if he’s your co-writer, whispering warnings and suggestions into your ear. And that makes the act of writing fun.

Of course, after the tenth time you’ve been made to say, “But that’s so obvious, I’m an idiot for not seeing it myself, you begin to wonder if you actually are one. But that passes.

The library’s fiction-writing section is a huge resource. It contains the views of successful publishers, writers, and teachers. Personally? I’d suggest starting with Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, which recently came out of copyright protection. It's the best I've found, to date, at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. The address of an archive site where you can read or download it free is just below. Copy/paste the address into the URL window of any Internet page and hit Return to get there.

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

So try a chapter or three. I’ll bet by the end of the third chapter you’ll have hit three of those, “I must be an idiot,” moments.

For what it may be worth, the articles in my WordPress writing blog are meant as an overview of the issues involved. And to show that I’m just as cruel to myself as I just was to your writing, the latest article rips apart an early version of my novels.

So jump in, something like this hurts. I know, I’ve been there. But we’ll not address the problem we don’t see as being one, so I thought you’d want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing. If nothing else, it keeps us off the streets at night.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/