Truth and Consequences

Some things are better left unsaid best locked in your heart there saved The pain you harbor in your chest is your own, to take to the grave

Life seems a never ending dream

filled with hopelessness and despair

Where we are put to trial everyday

while suffering is everywhere

 

To friends who think they come up short

through transgressions against a mate

Who feel they should confess their sins

then sit back and accept their fate

 

Some things are better left unsaid

best locked in your heart there to save

The pain you harbor in your chest

is your own, to take to the grave

 

Confessing sins to a loved one

while it serves to ease guilt in you

Transfers your pain to the other

who is blameless for what you do

 

Shame is the thing that hurts the most

it teaches us valuable things

Such as what not to do next time

you are hurt and the telephone rings

 

Author's Note

I have given this much thought. Many friends over the years have asked me if they should confess to their lovers. I have come to see it is a selfish act. While most religions and 12 step programs say confess as the Catholics do. I say no. You are crushing the innocent partners soul with your confession. Sometimes it's better to take responsibility for your actions. Live with the pain of what you did. It will help guide you next time. When one laments the wrongs of their life it creates these pains. They are called the conscience. So live with them. And try to be better next time. I have made many mistakes and I shall atone for them in the end. I did these things myself and it is not for others to suffer the consequences. I am glad I will take my own transgressions with me. After all I am responsible for what I do as is everyone. I have spent many years trying to reconcile with myself. I am not saying I did anything truly awful. However I let myself down more than a few times in my youth.

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Tate,

Are you getting better as a writer?! It seems to me that your more recent writes greatly surpass what I've read of you in years past. Now know that I have always thought your poetry to be beautiful from a raw passion sense, and that full continues, but your recent skill in language is so wonderful.

Now in this piece, while I really love the poem, I read the "Author's Note" first, and I found the words to be profound. You and I agree wholeheartedly on this and I didn't think that any other really understood this. But you do. I am gratified. This is profound wisdom, Tate. I don't think I have any serious transgressions either--but you never know what might be serious to a loved one. Nonetheless, swallow it. Don't cause grief. Protect your loved ones. If they don't need to know and the knowledge would cause them pain, swallow it. Don't be selfish. Keep quiet and give them a hug instead. Now I'm not advocating lying or going behind a loved one's back. That is pure selfishness as well, and not in the best interests of family. No, I'm talking about protecting the ones you love, not pulling the wool over their eyes. I'm talking about being an adult and making well thought out and generous decisions. I'm talking about withholding unnecessary pain as you are as well.

Beautiful sentiments as always. I get this one and so fully agree.

Best regards,

Rick

[Lisasview]

Oh my G... do I ever believe in this.... My father confessed to my mother ..several times... and somewhere in my younger years she said this to me..... "Darling, this is your fathers guilt speaking." "Would be so much better if I did not know any of this" "He feels that if he tells me (each time) that somehow it resolves him of his indiscretion." " But of course it doesn't." My mother was so wise...
Your poem blew me away...as it is so so true ... why on earth does one need to to involve their innocent partner... Just live and deal with the guilt and perhaps become a better person...at least I hope so.
I really loved reading this and having a chance to respond by reviewing.
Lisa, so hot here now in Spain

[Tate Morgan]

Hi Lisa I so agree with you and your mother. Alleviating one’s guilt there’s no way to handle this situation. I knew a girl who cheated on every boyfriend every husband she’s been married five times. She kept doing it every time she would then confess as if she were in Catholic confessional felt herself relieved of the guilt by giving it to someone else. So she will repeat the incident over and over again. That may be why people like Christianity it allows them to dump their guilt on Jesus and then do it again without remorse?

[Lisasview]

And, I agree with you... I remember when I was young that it felt important to be 100% open - honest with my partner... for some reason (and they were not religious reasons by any means) I felt this was the right thing to do...but over the years I have understood the value of keeping my lips zipped... about oh so many things. Mainly in friendships...one quick example was when a friend and I were in a pool exercising...we were around 30 years old... A very heavy woman entered the pool and my friend turned around to me and said "Oh Lisa, am I that fat?" the truth was she was even fatter...but why on earth would I need to say that! So of course I assured her that she was not...and so...she continued exercising...happily.. Kindness goes a long way.
Lisa P.S. I was always thin..

[Tate Morgan]

We see through the same lenses here. Just as we fail to see threats to our own health and happiness because we choose to. So are our friends asking us to reaffirm their delusions it is a human trait to want to ignore reality if it doesn’t suit us. Just look at all the people who followed Trump knowing that every other word out of his mouth was a lie but he reaffirmed their worldview so to them he was the Messiah Long as all of them agreed on the same lie they felt content I look at Facebook one thing about that place that really disturbed me everyone blocks the people who do not agree with them and soon all of their friends are just like them believing the same lies. Happy in the thought that they are one of a group that they belong but they’re not face reality

[Lisasview]

I agree again... We lived in California until two year ago... and could not believe the "I LOVE TRUMP" people out there... Now on the site unless you are a Jesus worshipper, etc. you get blocked... really!!! People are so ridiculous... Another quick story. We were friends for awhile in the states with a couple... One day at dinner we were discussing evolution... And, the wife said... "What!!! Do you think look like a monkey!! and she meant it...we are no longer friends..people believe what they have been taught..
Reality is so difficult for most..
Lisa, about to eat dinner

[Tate Morgan]

Thanks for that . I have a lifelong friend who I grew up with as a child all of my childhood memories were shared with him. Yet he and I are diametrically opposite. He says to me the other day I talked to my daughter the other day and she doesn’t believe that white men are discriminated against of course he’s a Trump follower and Trump won my state by 9% there are Trump signs to this day flying all over the state. He has managed to tap into ignorance. How he has managed to get people To vote against their own self interest is beyond me but he has done it he’s wrapped it in patriotism appealed to their white nationalism. We saw this happening fascist Germany and we’re seeing it happen here the only difference is here every four years we have a change of government and in this case the Democrats took over the house the Senate and the presidency which meant that all of those wrose up for a coup will now be prosecuted balancing the scale again but next time if the Republicans hold those three parts of the government the coup might succeed

[Muhammad]

"Some things are better left unsaid
best locked in your heart there to save
The pain you harbor in your chest
is your own, to take to the grave"

I paused and read this stanza twice. Very powerful.

In my past life here, I didn't read your material as much as I should have; perhaps because I was much younger (16 when I joined in 2009). However, the impression I get from this beautiful piece is that I will relate to your material more this time around.

I look forward to reading more.

[Tate Morgan]

Muhammad thank you I’m humbled by that welcome back

[Chris Shaw]

There is an old saying, what you don't know can't hurt you. Confessing to a lover is going to cause mighty pain. Don't go there. It might help the one off loading, but it certainly won't help the one who is going to hear it. In fact it is likely to stir up a hornet's nest. Better pledge to do better and take it to the grave. Another fine poem from you Tate.

Chris

[Tate Morgan]

Chris im with ya on this one. lol best to keep quiet thanks

[sonnie ibadah]

"Confessing sins to a loved one
while it serves to ease guilt in you
Transfers your pain to the other
who is blameless for what you do..."

No truer words have ever been written. I can really relate to this. I've learned over the years that even though you may feel like you understand or forgive someone for what they did to you, there will come a time in your life when you will despise them for the person they turned you into. Thanks for sharing.

[Tate Morgan]

Thank you sonnie I do believe we make our own hells

[Einstein Noodle]

a healthy conscience (i believe) will always lead us to kneel in God's presence to admit and ask forgiveness .. our sins always cause pain for our loving Creator ..sometimes (i think) we are required to confess to another human in order to heal a relationship that has been damaged ..but in order for that to be the case we have to have caused pain .. if someone is in the dark about something done .. they have no pain .. revealing it can cause so much more destruction than the "sinner" taking it to the grave with them .. sometimes i wonder if upon my death i will have to reveal those kinds of things to the offended person before passing over .. your poem is so human and engaging .. causes my own soul searching ..
E.

[Tate Morgan]

Thanks Gene You bring up a good point.We haven't been too bad I think Ill let it ride.Soul searching is always good for all of us I think

[Einstein Noodle]

i forgive you my friend! ;))))

[Tate Morgan]

Lol thanks

[Ivory]

I can see your side as far as, is confession good for your soul, or are you destroying someone else?
This a beautiful piece with so must emotion. I too have made mistakes in the past and I will admit that I have spared some from the heartache of the truth.

[Tate Morgan]

It is better to suffer on behalf of our own indiscretions. Much better than to admit them to someone for whom they would injure. Now Christianity would say confess to your loved one. I totally disagree It is the most selfish thing top burden the loved ones with what we do that injures them Thank you

[Deborah Brooks-Langford]

so true my friend... you are so wise...

[Tate Morgan]

Hi deb thank you I know many would disagree but to assuage ones guilt at someone elses expense has to be selfish

[melissa]

Amazing poem keep up the great work and keep them coming

[Tate Morgan]

thank you melissa

[melissa]

You're welcome

[SallyDM]

Assuage your own guilt and hurt another or let it fester inside you and hope you have learned from your mistakes and don't repeat them. This is a difficult choice for me. I really enjoyed your poem, it's thought provoking and a debate most of us will have with ourselves at some point in our lives.

[Tate Morgan]

It was a thought that to me seemed self evident to assuage ones guilt by laying it at the door of To assuage ones guilt by laying it upon the injured is no more a duty than it is a right. I say if one needs repentance find it within themselves or find a priest lol Thank you

[Tate Morgan]

It is that pain inside yourself that will make us not do it again I know a girl who does this all the time she then confesses on herself to gain forgiveness Once freed of the guilt she does it again lol

[SallyDM]

Lol well that's not me but I do have my secrets not many and nothing really awful but I am often tempted to confess I am not good at keeping feelings inside. But of course I do not wish to cause pain to others. Is it a question of right or wrong? Which counts more admitting our mistakes (sins) and accepting the consequence or saving a loved one or friend from the pain of our truth. I simply don't know.

[Tate Morgan]

I do It is to keep them to yourself It is a simply matter to figure this one out Since we committed them we deserve the pain of them The other is blameless and would be injured by our confessions Best to let dead dogs lie

[SallyDM]

You've definitely given me something to think about, so thank you.

[Tate Morgan]

It isnt supposed to be easy for us to take We simply need to learn from mistakes that there are consequences to our transgressions the fact that you feel bad means you have a conscience.That is a good thing it will remind you to not repeat them The inner voice remembers the pain associates it with the act ands stops you from doing it again If you were to tell on yourself you would be burdened with the empathetic pain for the other for the pain you caused them to feel It is worse and it ends marriages

[Tate Morgan]

As side from that this would injure a mans pride and that is what makes a man a man he will not get over it nor forget it

[SallyDM]

I hear you ...