Unexpected III

Unexpected III

A Chapter by arlery
"

read it to find out =))

"

III

     'ALEXANDRA BRIAN AIDEN, YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!' she screamed at the top of her lungs. This was exactly why I didn't want to tell her; she had already been worried about my late arrival. I was sure she would be hysterical now, and honestly, I didn't even know what to say. So I didn't reply back.
'ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? I don't care what it bloody takes. You are coming to the wedding, AND DON'T YOU DARE GIVE ME SOME DAMN EXCUSE. I don't care how or by what means, but you should be here by tommorow.'
I still didn't say anything. After all, what was I supposed to say? A few more minutes, and my battery would soon be dead. She was still screaming, so I had to hold the phone a few inches back. I mean seriously, all this noise was beginning to get annoying.
      I got that she was angry; I just didn't get why she had to scream like hell about it. I mean, it's not like she would cancel her wedding for me, right?
'Alex?' Grace asked, her tone now finally back to normal. Sometimes, I wonder how someone so soft spoken can make noise that sounds like monkeys screeching.
'Yeah?'
'You will make it to the wedding right?'
'I don't know Grace, I really don't know. I'll try my best, but if I can't make it, I guess you'll have to make Crystal your bridesmaid,' I replied, and with that my phone went dead. I looked at it angrily and threw it in my bag. I looked around. Blue-eyed Guy was still there, leaning casually against the wall ; he was still looking at me. I rolled my eyes and went to the station master. there had to be a solution, right? This situation really reminded me of a movie scene, I couldn't remember which movie, but I do remember that a girl misses her train, so some guy takes her home, they fall in love, the end. I laughed, I laughed at that so-typical cliche. Things like that didn't happen in real life. If someone offered to take me home, I would call the police. With those thoughts in my mind, I walked towards the station master, hoping he could help me.

1 hour later

'So you're telling me the only way I can go to Carney all the way here from Texas is by crossing Arkansas, Missouri, Illinois and Wisconsin? I don't have the time to go on a road trip crossing half of America!' I shrieked.
'I'm sorry, miss, but shouting won't solve your problem,' he replied calmly. Maybe he was used to dealing with frantic and panicking people.
'And following your advice will?' I asked sarcastically, lowering my voice.
'It might. I mean, sure it's going to cost a lot but in your case, I think it's the most feasible option'
I rolled my eyes. Yeah, really feasible, I thought glumly.
'Can I use your phone?'
'Yeah, sure, here you go'
I took it and dialed my sister's number.
'Grace?'
'No, this is Rebecca. Her friend'
Rebecca was Grace's best friend. I wondered why it has her and not Grace who had received the call.
'Hey, Beckie, this is Alex.'
'Alex? I didn't recognize your voice, and did you change your number?'
'No, actually I'm using someone else's mobile because my phone's dead. Anyway, where's Grace?'
'You don't know? Oh of course, you don't, your phone's dead. Grace is with Sean. His uncle Louis just passed away, and we got the news an hour ago.'
OH MY GOD. Uncle Louis was Sean's favorite uncle. He always talking about him, how his Uncle was proud of Sean for having found the perfect girl. He was going to come from- I don't know- Ohio I guess. Sean must be really shocked.
'OH MY GOD, that's horrible. how did it happen?'
'He had a heart attack. He was rushed to the hospital, but by that time it was too late.'
'I'm so sorry. So how's Sean doing?'
'Not so good, actually. The wedding's been postponed for at least two weeks now; he and Grace are flying to Ohio for the funeral.'

I grinned. I mean I know it's sad that his Uncle passed away, but I felt relief.
I quickly said bye to her and returned the mobile back
'I'll take up your offer' I replied to the Station Mater


........
to be continued


© 2011 arlery


Author's Note

arlery
okay I've changed the pink text for readers.
;)

My Review

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Featured Review

What to Work On:

This chapter just felt… Stilted I guess? It’s somehow felt like you were trying too hard. The death came too soon at too convenient a time for me. Why not make her wait a bit longer or go through something that got her really upset only to find out, oops, postponed wedding. That’s probably a biased opinion for the fact that I know what some people’s writing sound like when they’re trying to think of a new chapter, but anywho, that’s basically my only issue with this.

What I Liked:

I liked this, but because of the stilted air I caught from it, this section won’t be as long as it has been in the past two chapters. I liked the fact that she yelled at the guy behind the counter, it made me smile because, I mean, really? Who hasn’t wanted to scream at people behind a counter at some time or another, and I liked the very last line in that chapter for the simple fact that I could almost feel her smiling in it. Go you!

Favorite Line:

“Maybe he was used to dealing with frantic and panicking people.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know! I just was excited about how she yelled at him, but still, these people who maintain their cool even when someone is screaming at them? They deserve a metal!

Okay, I’m seriously contemplating reading the next chapter right now! I must know what happens next!


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Who is Sean? that was a bit unclear to me, but other than that this and the previous chapters interested me more. Definitely work on your commas; you should place more throughout the story.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I liked this chapter! It flowed well I believe and you added some drama to the piece. I also enjoyed her rant to the guy across the counter. That for me was a great part. With the uncle dying... I believe you should have drawn it out more. It all happened so suddenly... but I guess death does happen suddenly. I feel bad for all the people that traveled from afar to the wedding and now have to turn around and go home.
Anyway, great chapter and I'm on to the next.

~Erinne

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This chapter is better. It flows smoother and it seems like you are picking up a rhythmn to your writing. Ok the only real flaw I see in this chapter is the cancellation of the wedding. It was suppossed to be the next day. People have arrived from god knows where to this incredibly isolated place in Michigan and they are going to tell them to go home for two weeks? I even live in Michigan and I wouldn't do that trip twice. Even if he was a favorite uncle, I feel there's to many ducks in a row to stop now. To make this more realistic, and get the wedding actually cancelled, I'd pick on the groom's Mom or Dad. An uncle just doesn't seem like quite enough. Again, no flights out of Carney to go to Ohio.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

What to Work On:

This chapter just felt… Stilted I guess? It’s somehow felt like you were trying too hard. The death came too soon at too convenient a time for me. Why not make her wait a bit longer or go through something that got her really upset only to find out, oops, postponed wedding. That’s probably a biased opinion for the fact that I know what some people’s writing sound like when they’re trying to think of a new chapter, but anywho, that’s basically my only issue with this.

What I Liked:

I liked this, but because of the stilted air I caught from it, this section won’t be as long as it has been in the past two chapters. I liked the fact that she yelled at the guy behind the counter, it made me smile because, I mean, really? Who hasn’t wanted to scream at people behind a counter at some time or another, and I liked the very last line in that chapter for the simple fact that I could almost feel her smiling in it. Go you!

Favorite Line:

“Maybe he was used to dealing with frantic and panicking people.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know! I just was excited about how she yelled at him, but still, these people who maintain their cool even when someone is screaming at them? They deserve a metal!

Okay, I’m seriously contemplating reading the next chapter right now! I must know what happens next!


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The pink print is REALLY hard to read, especially when your eyes are as old as mine!

AHA! So she is a girl! I doubt her sister would have a male bridesmaid or that the ticket dude would call a guy "miss". I like this chapter better. It moved nicely and had a bit of drama. Still wish you'd use the real quotation marks though!

Another plot line that didn't work for me. It sounds good on paper, but in actuality, you can't possible get from Houston to Michigan on a train without going through all those states. If she hadn't missed the train, she still would have been going through all of them. Unless she's in a plane, there's no other possible way to do it. It takes the believability away from her rant. I like a rant there though, so maybe a rant about them not having any trains until morning, or something like that?

Posted 9 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on December 26, 2010
Last Updated on March 3, 2011
Tags: sarcasm, fantasy, fiction, road trip


Author

arlery
arlery

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Sometimes, I just wanna just take up my favorite fantasy book and live in my own fiction world... "I prefer to be dreamer, among the humblest with visions to be realized, rather than lord among tho.. more..

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