Aftermath;Destiny's Challenge2

Fantasy, adventure, Young adult. Destiny find out what is in store for her.

 

Jumping to her feet, Destiny took the defensive stance that her father had taught her. Dirt and tears streaking down her face gave the young woman an almost crazed look. A shimmering figure stood in front of her.

 

“He expects you to rest and then go on.”

 

Scolding herself at allowing her feelings to override her safety, Destiny quickly tried to assess the situation.

 

As if reading her mind the stranger continued. “Don’t worry, I’m simply a messenger; search your memories and you will know.”

 

In that instant, Destiny did know. It was the same woman she had seen many times before, but always in her dreams.

 

Nodding, the figure affirmed Destiny’s thought.

 

“Am I dreaming?”

 

‘No, this is quite real. What you see around you is what is left of the world you knew. It has been destroyed by hate and disbelief.”

 

“So we are alone?”

 

Frowning, eyes squinting, the messenger looked at her. “You are never alone.”

 

“I know,” Destiny whispered. “I mean, there are no other people in the world?”

 

“No, there are others left in this world, those who believed like you.”

 

“Why?” Destiny, asked the question she had been wanting to for many years. “Why save us when this is all that is left of the world?”

 

“It is not time for you yet. First, you must rest... Rest and cleanse yourself.”

 

“How am I supposed to rest?” throwing her hands up in desperation. “There is too much I need to think about, to much to do.” She exclaimed almost in a panic.

 

Arms outstretched, the messenger approached the tired and faithful young women.

 

“Yes, there is much to be done but first He wants you to rest or you will never accomplish it. You have not slept peacefully in years... It is time.”

 

Engulfing Destiny in an embrace, “You will rest now in His loving embrace... You will rest and be renewed.”

 

Destiny’s final thought before drifting away was that the messenger was right. She hadn’t slept well since the cave doors had slammed shut.

 

Destiny awoke still embraced in the Messengers arms, head in her lap. She felt a new strength flow through her a new determination and purpose coursing through her veins.

 

“How long have I been asleep?”

 

“Four days.”

 

“Four days!” She shouted a little louder than she meant to. Jumping to her feet she continued. “Henry will be worried.”

 

Handing Destiny some bread and juice, the messenger said. “He will be fine. Are you ready to hear what you must do next?”

 

For the first time in a long while Destiny believed in the words that she was about to speak. “I am ready.”

 

“You asked why He has saved you and others like you. He still has hope for the world and its people.”

 

“But how are we to live in this world?”questioned Destiny

 

Handing Destiny a bag she answered. “He has given you a gift.This bag contains dust. It will heal the land, and then its people. When you are not using it, you must keep it safe and hidden in your staff.”

 

A puzzle look crossed Destiny’s face. “How am I supposed to use it?”

 

“Sprinkle a bit on the ground and ask Him to heal the land.”

 

Opening the bag, Destiny started to grab some of the special dust. Quickly the messenger snatched it back.

 

“It is not time. You must wait for the rest of your people.”

 

“Why wait?” Destiny pleaded. “I would love to have the doors open into a beautiful new world. Why not spare them the heartbreak and hopelessness that I felt?” tears brimmed her eyes once again.

 

“Because they would never learn that way. They would not see what had become of the world through their own neglect and disobedience. Nor would they learn,or feel the hope and love that this second chance has given to them.”

 

“I understand.” Destiny replied in resignation... And she did.

 

Thinking a moment, Destiny became puzzled. This test was not as hard as the Messenger implied it would be. Looking into the other’s eyes she asked. “What else?”

 

“The dust can only heal the land as far as the eyes can see. You, Destiny, must travel throughout the land, finding each safe hold.”

 

“My people need me here.”

 

“Henry can take your place. You are the only one to make the dust work. Will you question His will?”

 

‘No,’ she thought. ‘She would not.’

 

“How will I know where to go?”

 

“The staff will lead you. When aimed in the right direction the tip will glow. You will take four others with you. Two of which have already been chosen. Mikeal and T.J.”

 

“Mikeal,” she whispered irritated. “Why him... he can’t be counted on. And T.J.? T.J is only a child.”

 

“He will decide that.” The messenger said firmly. “There is more.. Evil has not been destroyed but simply hiding as it does. Not everyone in the safe havens are true believers. Some are honestly still undecided, yet fear drew them to you. Others have been quietly waiting for this time. They want to spread evil, destroy the world and devour believers and unbelievers alike.”

 

Just as Destiny, thought 'not in my place,' the messanger said, “Yes even here!”

 

“It is time for you to return and prepare them, by dawn on the third day of your return you should bring them out.”

 

Then the messenger faded away.

 

************************************************************************************

 

Pushing open the final door to enter the safe haven once again, Destiny was surprised to find Henry slumped over in a chair. Gently she leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. Since her father’s death, she rarely showed affection to anyone, except T.J. Looking upon Henry now, she realized how much she cared for the man and how much she hated the thought of leaving him.

 

Watching as his eyes fluttered open, she asked the surprised man, “How is my absence suppose to remain a secret with you sitting about in front of the door?” she said with a smile.

 

“The better question is,” he asked, embracing her. “How did we ever think we would be able to keep it a secret with you missing? We never took in account how visible you are in the community every day. It took all Mikael and I could do to keep this place running... So after a quick rest we need to have a gathering.”

 

Then he looked at her, a pleading in his eyes. “Is there still hope?”

 

“Yes, Henry. There is.”

 

With his tired eyes gleaming back at her, she didn’t want to ruin the moment by telling of what she needed to do.

Author's Note

Any help would be grateful. :)

Reviews

[Surrealstorm]

The dialogue is very good in this chapter, but i think perhaps even more descriptions in the first part about setting and time would be good. This sets up the rest of the story well and the emotions are still strong. I also now want to know more about Mikael and T.J. since they have been setup to be important characters. This is a really good piece and i hope to read more :)

[Renee Hubert]

This seems to be a post-rapture piece. An interesting topic to explore.
I agree with Surreal, there is not much setting or indicators of time. The issue of time could be solved through dialogue, how long has it been? Year? Month? Do they even keep track of time here? The environment is unclear, "cave", "safe haven", very generic. Don't be afraid to describe setting just make sure your character is interacting with it in accordance with what is going on. Is there painting on the cavewalls, she touches? Are there stalagmites or stalagtites she has to maneuver through? Outcroppings the character leans onto? Ancient carvings? Ancient sacred items? This all might give the reader an idea of where they are.

So far it's working for the story being in third person POV, but you can still show inner dialogue, reactions to the conversation, to what the "Messenger" is saying. Also in this POV it is much easier to describe the main character, Destiny, her physical state can give the reader info on what's happened, because we do not know: is it right after or has been long since society crumbled?

I noticed the line "No,' She thought. 'She would not." Sounds sarcastic. Thinking in third person POV does not work here because she is thinking to herself, unless this is a characteristic, in which case you need to make it more obvious. You might want to try italicizing her thoughts, if she is going to be thinking through out the story, to avoid redundant usage of "Destiny/she thought".

This character is going through major spiritual, psychological, and physical trials, as a "chosen one" and leader, this is cause for much questioning and thought on her part. Why was she picked? How did this come to be? The world in shambles? She the leader? Does her faith ever faulter? What makes her different from everyone else?
It helps me to ask questions about my character, even list them: How are they going to change? What events have or will change them? Where might this relationship go with this character? Is it a very important relationship? Sometimes I don't need this at first but it's good for generating ideas and being attuned to my main character.
On another note, the name Destiny, no offense, is cliche for the obvious angle of the story. If the name Destiny keeps you writing though, it's worth keeping, for the time being, but I would change it later on to an obscure but meaningful name from the Bible or even a regular name to play on the fact she is an average person.
Hope I was helpful, good luck, I'm interest in seeing where you go with this.