And that was how...

10/23/13

 

 

Oh, child...

Has anybody told you a tale of a love once true?

 

 

 

 

Well, it all began one summer

in a coffee shop next town.

It was Friday. It was sunset.

She was writing. He was smiling...

And that was how I met your father.

 

 

Every Friday sunset, we went to the cafe.

In between cappucinos and chocolate cookies,

we smiled and talked

and laughed and dreamed...

And that was how I loved your father.

 

 

Then came winter Fridays

but he still had his summer smile.

I was sure he was "The One"

so I introduced him to my best friend...

And that was how I lost your father.

Author's Note

It's been more than a week since I last wrote a poem. I've been very busy in school these past few days...

This is my first draft.. I think I somehow had forgotten the art of editing... But I like it the way it is so...put up with it. Haha.

Anyway, thanks for reading! :)

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the poem. We do remember the one's we lost. I like the way you led to the surprise ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Prime]

A love story - gone wrong in the form of poetry. Excellent !

[Donald]

Never dismiss your first thought. Sometimes your first one may be your best one. It just like someone second guessing himself after making up their mind. This one was a good one.

[Douglas White]

A good read, and a good perspective throughout the story timeline. I think that what is here is fine as is, and needs no edits. I would suggest, however, maybe building this tale a little bit more. It just seems... too fast. Another paragraph or two to build the depth of the relationship should do the trick. Love the concept, though.

[lovergirl]

lovely piece , amazing love story , a writer is never ready so even after a long time w writing this was and is a good one well done and good luck with your studies ;)

[Vani Jalagar]

a simple and cute love story expressed in poetry:)
awesome:)

[L4rn13]

Very interesting write, beautiful and warm as expressed through the summer smile and a lovely transition to winter, with the sad ending depicting the sad cold of winter again. Very fond of this one. Please do not change this poem. It is wonderful as it is.

[Derek Smith]

I would say don't change a thing, this is how you felt at the time which makes it perfect and real. any editing now is just abstract and causes the 1st real sense of the poem to vanish.. I like this keep it how it is

[Joyce S. Greene]

I really enjoyed this, Blue. What a sad ending, though. Your poem leaves much to the reader's imagination and to my mind the child must not be hers but that of her former love and best friend. Very well done!

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

this has such emotions in it, and such deep meaning.
It really tells a story, that starts off romantic and sweet, but has that sad twist at that end.
very poetic, i enjoyed reading that :)