Fast Forward

10/27/13

Fast forward to the days

when I pack up my suitcase.

I bring my dreams with me

as I take flight to his place.

Fast forward to the days

when he waits me with a grin.

I give him my timid smile,

with a kiss, he pulls me in.

Fast forward to the days

when we walk by the sea.

We voice out our hearts,

sweet lines of poetry.

Fast forward to the days

when he loves me and my scars.

I whisper, "I love you, too."

as we sleep beneath the stars.

Fast forward to the days

when he kneels with a ring.

And all throughout our marriage,

I hear the heaven sing.

Oh, love often contradicts

time's most usual pace

'Cause my thoughts always wander

fast forward to the days...

Author's Note

Some noticed that most of my poems depict sadness. So here's a ray of sunshine for you. :)

Reviews

[Douglas White]

Creative writing of all kinds exposes more about the writer than most of us would really care to admit. In your case with sad poems, the hurt and pain are clear. The circumstances that put you there are uniquely your own, and private, but the feelings that are left behind in your words are the things that people connect with. The emotions coming through are what separate "good" from "excellent". The best poems aren't necessarily about rhythm patterns, stanzas, word count, or anything else. The best poems are the ones you -feel-. That is what the great writers present and past are talking about when they are talking about "truthful writing".

This poem, for example, is a positive write - on the surface. But underneath, I can feel a sad wistfulness behind the words, a feeling that the sunshine is a little forced. A good poem about wishful thinking, but I don't think that you were entirely honest with yourself when you wrote it. Take a good long look at it, and I think you'll see what I mean.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the poem, along with pretty much everything else you've sent my way so far. But I honestly think that if you're sad, you should write sad, until you aren't sad anymore. Don't try to write sunshine when it really isn't in you, even if you think you're writing too many sad poems.

Try writing angry poems, though, if you want a change of pace. Those can be a bit fun. (And they often make great lyrics for death metal songs! Just saying...) :^D

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Doug, Doug, Doug... How come you are so good at things like this? You seem to know me more than I know myself!! Hahaha. Lots of insights that you've taught me today. :)

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

I was thinking that instead of "fast forward" you might consider "pause on the day" for him giving the ring...And maybe even, "rewind the the ring again" or something...just to fully use the metaphor as a device.

[Blue]

Wow. That's a cool suggestion, Robby. That will surely work. but I'm not so fond of editing my previous writings so I think I'll just leave it at that. Thanks a lot!

[Robert Tusitala O'Neill]

Well, I see your point...I carefully consider which poems to leave as they were, and which to work on again after some time.

[Brooke Graco]

I agree with what Douglas was saying. It has a feel of wishful thinking behind the words. Though I still think wishing for something is a type of feeling too...I have a few wishful thoughts as well, it's good to set them free. I really enjoyed reading this one :) It's made me think about what I wish for in the future, which has made me want to work towards the future more. Well done with this piece. Love it

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you, Brooke. :)

[Laura Harrison]

This is a very sweet poem, I had a smile on my face while I was reading it. Thank you for penning :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much. :)

[ayosonolowo]

Nice poem.. This is very interesting

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks a lot! :)

[Donald]

Sadness is a prime motivator for a lot of emotions. But then we all can move beyond that and make it positive. You put a lot of feelings into this one. well done.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much. :)

[Nia Hope]

I love this little ray of sunshine you've given us :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you, Ankara. :)

[Simone]

wow this was really beautiful! i loved this. your a really talented writer :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Simone, thank you so much! :)

[MandaBear]

This is so cute!! I loved it

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Manda, thank you so much! I've read your reviews in my screenplay and you inspire me. :)

[MandaBear]

Well your screen play is awesome! I can't wait to read more. I believe you did a wonderful job on it and more people should read it and appreciate the hard work you put into it =)

[redflutterby]

This is wonderful!! When we are young and in love this is exactly what we do! ;-)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Haha, I spend (or waste) most of my time doing this. Lols. Ahh, to be in love! ;)

Thank you for your review. :)