The Black Mercedes

The Black Mercedes

A Story by ashley

     I was spending the hot summer afternoon at my best friend Lauren's house. We were laying out next to the pool tanning. Well, I say tanning, but really I was just burning. My skin refuses to tan - ever. Lauren, of course, already had the perfect tan and was just laying out enjoying the sun.

     While we were outside, we heard a car pull into the driveway. Strange, because Lauren's parents were at work and her sister had just left for the movies. We peeked through the fence and got a good look at the car, trying to figure out who it might be. It was a black Mercedes and the windows were limousine-dark. Neither one of us recognized it. The Mercedes stayed in the driveway a few minutes longer before pulling away. Lauren and I went back to tanning.

      It'd been maybe thirty minutes later when we heard a car drive by. Her street is purely residential and very quiet, so we both looked up at the sound of the motor. It was the same black Mercedes as earlier, going much slower than necessary down the street. In front of her house, it stopped.

     Now, I should say here that Lauren and I have pretty active imaginations that we work hard to keep under check, but when we are together, we tend to let our imaginations go wild.

     Lauren said, "Maybe he's a burgler scoping out the house!"

     "That's stupid, it's like three in the afternoon. No way."

     "It could be! Mom was just talking about this guy last week- he robbed this house right in the middle of the day! He went around the back pretending to be from the gas company and picked their back-door. He took lots of jewelry and stuff, just put it in his bag. They only caught him 'cause the people had a camera set up in their yard."

     "Well maybe this guy is just lost."

     "Or maybe he's planning on robbing us!" Lauren said, "Oh my god, what if he does and we walk in on him! He'd probably kill us!"

     "He wouldn't risk killing us, the neighbors would hear."

     "Not if he used a silencer or a knife! Oh my god, what if he has one of those big knives? Could you imagine?"

     I thought about it for a second and felt the familiar tingling in my stomach. She could be right, you never knew...

     "What if he's planning on kidnapping us?"

     Lauren gasped and said, "You think? But how does he know we're here?"

     "I dunno, maybe he can see through the cracks in the fence. Oh my god, what if he's just watching us right now! We have to go inside so he can't see us anymore!"

We grabbed our towels with a quick glance at the Mercedes still parked outside.

     "Come on," I squealed, "Come on, go go go!" 

     We ran inside, barefoot and dripping from the pool. The house was dark and it took a minute for my eyes to adjust. Lauren slid the door shut and locked both locks.

     "There, we're safe."

     The AC kicked on and I shivered. We decided to change out of our swimsuits and watch TV for a while. Just as we were walking to her room, a loud THUNK came from across the house.

     "Oh my god, what was that?"

     "What was what?"

     "That noise," I said, "You didn't hear it?"

     "What do you think it was?"
     "I dunno... maybe just Cassie?"

     "But I put Cassie out earlier," She said, "Remember?"

     Just to be sure, we looked out the back window. Sure enough, Lauren's poodle Cassie was laying in the sun.

     "Where'd the noise come from?" Lauren asked.

     "Um, somewhere in the back. Maybe your parent's room?"

     Lauren's eyes grew wide.

     In a hushed voice, she said, "Do you think someone's here?"

     A thrill passed over me and I shuddered.

     "The black Mercedes!"

     We looked outside and the car was still there, idling in front of the house. I looked at Lauren.

     "What do we do?"

     She said, "We have to check it out!"

     She started for the bedroom but I caught her arm.

     "Wait! What if there is someone? We can't just go in their unprotected! What if they attack us?"

     "You're right." She thought for a minute then said, "Oh, I've got it! Come on." I followed her back into the kitchen where she grabbed two butcher knives out of the drawer. "This should work."

     As the braver of the two chickens, I led the way to the bedroom, holding the butcher knife tight in my numb fingers. I was ready. If someone was in that bedroom, they were about to get it. Not that two scared thirteen year old girls holding knives were that terrifying, but in my mind, we had the upper hand. Besides, I didn't completely think there was anyone in the bedroom. It was a sort-of game, we knew it was nothing. Still, it was fun.

     Just as we turned the corner, there was another noise. A scraping sound coming from the front door. We spun around and this time, it wasn't a game. Someone was at the door, we could see their silhouette against the window. The doorknob rattled and Lauren and I backed away.

     "Do you think-" I started.

     "It's the black Mercedes?" Lauren finished, her voice barely more than a whisper. "They're trying to break in. What do we do?"

     "I don't know," I whispered back, "Hide?"

     Lauren shook her head.

     "No, we have to scare them, make them go away."



     We held our breath as the knob rattled harder. This was it. The game turned real. My heart was pounding in my head and suddenly the temperature dropped another fifty degrees. Beside me, Lauren held her knife in front of her body, sticking out towards the door. I did the same with mine, preparing myself to use it.

The rattling stopped. We both involuntary steps back as the doorknob turned.

     "Ready?" She whispered.


     Just as the door slowly opened, we charged, screaming at the top of our lungs.


     The stranger at the door stepped back with a look of horror on her face. Lauren's sister, Lindsey. As soon as we recognized her, we stopped, gasping to catch our breath and calm our hearts.

     The three of us stood there, staring at each other in silence, trying to figure out what'd happened. Suddenly, Lindsey burst in to a fit of laughter. Lauren and I frowned and looked at each other.

     "What's so funny?"

     Lindsey couldn't answer, she was laughing too hard. Tears streaked her face and she grabbed her stomach. I didn't think it was that funny. Maybe a little, but not that much. She was exaggerating.

     "What-" She finally gasped, "What are you doing? Why do you have knives?"

     We started explaining, talking over each other.

     "There was this noise-"

     "We were swimming-"

     "-coming from the back-"

     "-we saw this car-"

     Together, we took a breath and said,

     "The black Mercedes-"
     "Wait-" Lindsey stopped us. "You mean Mark's car?"

     She pointed to the black Mercedes, still parked outside. Leaning against it was Mark, Lindsey's boyfriend.

     "He came by to talk but I wasn't here, so he waited. Who did you think he was?"

     "We thought-"

     "he was a burgler-"

     "-or worse."

     Lindsey cracked up again.

     "A burgler? Are you serious?"

     Lauren's face turned red and she said, "Well Ashley thought he was gonna kill us!"

     I turned on Lauren and said, "So did you! And it's not like we could see in those windows, anyway. He could've been some serial killer, you never know!"

     Lindsey shook her head, still laughing.

     "You guys need to stop watching so much TV. I'm going out again, I'll be back later. And please don't attack me when I get back." As she started down the driveway, we heard her say, "Mark, you won't believe what they just did..."

     After we watched Lindsey and Mark drive away, Lauren turned to me.

     "A serial killer? Really? Ashley, you have to stop freaking me out like that."

     "You never know..." I said darkly, "And what about that sound we heard earlier? In the bedroom? What if it's - "

     "Somebody still in here?" Lauren grinned and gripped the knife in her hand. "Let's go see."

© 2011 ashley

Author's Note

Okay, so I'm embarrassed to say this is completely true... Lauren and I shared the same vividly unrealistic imaginations and we were always scaring ourselves. I just free-wrote this, so there are probably tons of errors, but I don't really care. Just something fun to post.

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register

Featured Review

Haha, awesome. :) I could just imagine. I love how you guys still want to investigate the bedroom even after the sister and her boyfriend leave. I would say "kids always have wild imaginations" but I'm guilty of thinking the worst when I hear weird noises in the house. I've never gone investigating with butcher knives though :)

Posted 12 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Great story telling. This did justice in the realm of getting the message across. Great message. There's lot of times where a story can have a great message to aim for, and have a lot of under lining things but then no one gets it, and if no one gets it, then the point has failed. But in my opinion this did well to get the message across. You made it clear, which is why I think it's good. Keep up the good work. What was also great was that I could imagine the story as I read it, and that is also a strong point of stories. The ability to have the reader imagine it because after all we're reading not watching it, but it was as if I was there as I read this, and that is great. Great visuals and great story telling. It had plot and substance. When you add substance to writing it gets that much better. It gets the reader hooked on it and make them feel as if they are part of it. As long as their is that emotional connection between the reader and the story then it's good. The connection you were able to established in the writing gives the reader a sense of comfortably that they are in tune with the writing. So that way when the writing is over, the reader wants more, and wishes it didn't end. I feel the same way when I watched a movie or tv series that I get so attached to, I never want it to end. And for this writing, I didn't want it to end. You had me hooked, and I am sure everyone else who read it was hooked as well. That is good, that is what you want for people to keep wanting more. The way you put the story together makes me feel like my life is different for that moment in which I read your story. I love it, and it was beautiful. Just keep posting stories like this, and you'll have a good following.

Posted 6 Years Ago

I can't even begin to tell you how I relate to this tale. Luckily, your friend was there in person. I had to call a friend up and scream at him over the phone about everything going on in the house. Haha. Lovely anecdote. Thanks.

Posted 11 Years Ago

A great story, well told! You turned me into a 13-year-old, knife-wielding girl. You are the best unpublished author I've ever read. No errors, no typos, no suggestions. It's just perfect.

Posted 11 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive. really had me going with this story. I enjoyed this story.

Posted 12 Years Ago

Good write

Posted 12 Years Ago

HAHAHA! OMG this is probably the funniest I read so far! Love your story!

Posted 12 Years Ago

Haha, awesome. :) I could just imagine. I love how you guys still want to investigate the bedroom even after the sister and her boyfriend leave. I would say "kids always have wild imaginations" but I'm guilty of thinking the worst when I hear weird noises in the house. I've never gone investigating with butcher knives though :)

Posted 12 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very good write. Good job. :)

Posted 12 Years Ago

I feel this is a good expression of fear. Never be embarrassed this is awesome and to think awesome things are real.

Posted 12 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Embarrassed? Why? Ashley Beth, we've truly enjoyed seeing this side of you. I mean, at first, I was like "Where the hell did the darkness go?" and then I was like "well, it is pretty cute; reminds me of when I was a teen." Much different than the previous stuff I've read, and very welcomed (not that I don't like the other stuff...if that's the right word to use...). The childish thrill of his did really bring back some pleasant memories of my own childhood, and that's half the reason it was such a pleasure to read. The other half is for your ability to create the world around us, and continuously causing us to see as you see. Fun.

"Not that two scared thirteen year old girls holding knives were that terrifying" You don't know how frightening 13 year old girls can be.

Posted 12 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

First Page first
Previous Page prev
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


20 Reviews
Added on July 11, 2010
Last Updated on September 27, 2011




when it's good, then it's good it's so good 'til it goes bad 'til you try to find the you that you once had i have heard myself cry "never again" broken down in nagging need just trying to find a.. more..

Blame Blame

A Poem by ashley

Untitled1 Untitled1

A Story by ashley

The Cycle The Cycle

A Story by ashley

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..

Questions Questions

A Poem by ashley

The Date The Date

A Story by ashley

The Text The Text

A Chapter by ashley

After After

A Chapter by ashley

Banana Pancakes Banana Pancakes

A Chapter by ashley