Ode to Jane

Ode to Jane

A Poem by A. Siemens

How to describe this? Hmm...it's a poem written in Shakespearean about my friend. It was written as a joke, but I kinda like it.


O, valiant, smelly Jane!

Thine breath reeks of regurgitated foods

Thy heart is made of gold, and thy stomach of cast-iron

Thou knowest not what to say, but thine knowledge of how

To use thy odour to clear a room of all its occupants is one of true genius.

O! O, my dear Jane, how great is thy smell

How great is the stink you’ve blessed humanity with

Your love for all things furry, as gentle as thy may be with them,

Yet the repugnant smell of thy underarms driveth them away

They ran faster than the hawk may fly,

As fast as an animal whose existence is threatened

O, but my Jane, cursed and blessed how art!

Thy smell protects you from things you do not wish to meet,

But thine blessing is also thy curse

For all things you love do flee you too, and only the bravest are left standing,

Clothespins glued to our nostrils

We stand, your group of unwilling friends, bearing the stench that is you

For if we try to flee like so many before us, we fear thou wilt chase us,

Thy scent blowing through the crisp, once clean, air

We pity those animals that hath not clothespins in their possession

To prevent the burning odour from destroying their sense of smell

O, how we pity them!

Therefore, to ease the pain they already suffer,

We hath made the sacrifice

We hath given up the outside world, our lives...and our sense of smell

We cannot look behind us and gaze at what we were, what we could have been,

For from the day we made that sacrifice, thy smell hath touched us,

Making us only, but castoffs of thine deadly stench

O, Jane!

Why must thou destroy our hopes?

Hath thou any sense of compassion?

Then please, cleanse thy self in the healing waters of thy shower

Slather thy self in soap, shampoo and perfume

Let us breathe freely for the first time since we met thou

Let us swear that thy hath not lived in a garbage bin for thine entire life,

For we know that thy hath not

We beg of you, O queen of stench, cleanse thy self and let us live in peace.

© 2010 A. Siemens

Author's Note

A. Siemens
Hehe, this was written as a joke, but I really like it. Let me know what you think. :)

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hahahahaha i don't usually find people that write stuff as funny as this awesome

Posted 10 Years Ago

I like this poem, its a perfect 50 50 mix of old english, yet perfectly modern at the same time, one of the most interesting reads I've read in a long while. (:

Posted 11 Years Ago

Ha, this was excellent! :) I loved it! I also loved how the person's opinion changed. In the beginning, they were saying that it protected Jane, and then at the end they said that they want her to clean up a little. :) loved it.

Posted 11 Years Ago

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I read this three times now I guess I shall leave a comment. I think it's cute

Posted 11 Years Ago

Hey very nice one indeed.

Posted 11 Years Ago

This is now my favorite Ode. It's smelly, but wonderful. ;)

Posted 11 Years Ago

This is so cute, I like this, very well written.

Posted 12 Years Ago

hahahaha thats funny and good!

Posted 12 Years Ago

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8 Reviews
Added on July 27, 2010
Last Updated on July 27, 2010


A. Siemens
A. Siemens


I'm a (currently) unpublished author from Canada. I've been writing since I was very young, and have been making up stories for as long as I can remember. I've recently finished my first full novel, b.. more..

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