The Rebel

The teenage where you are against everything ! :)

Be nice,Don't think twice,
Or else I'll rise!
No! Then you can't contain,
You can't sustain,
All you'll get is strain..
A lot more than you wanted,
All this for taking me for granted!
You can try me,
But never lie to me..
I'll do what I want to,
I know there's nothing I can't do!
Stop there! You can't bear,
Another step, and I'll tear,
Your mind, so weak,
Needs a tweak, or else I swear,
It'll break!
So don't take me to an other level,
'Cuz I can be a f*cking rebel!!

Author's Note

It's a short poem i wrote when i was in my class! :)
I think it's something that all the teens can relate to! :) And i'll really be pleased if everybody could understand the intensity of this poem in the same way!

Not one of my best, but still, feel free to leave your reviews and suggestions! :)

Reviews

[alifeacoustic]

Being a teenager is far from black and white, but the passion of being one is. Choices are black and white, you either intensely feel for something, or intensely don't care. It is a great way to be, but is only one aspect of the whole package of youth. It was awesome, incredible, amazing, terrible, dreadful and soul destroying too. On one hand you have infinite possibilities, but on the other, people see teenagers as another species, which I guess they are, but it's no bad thing. I still have the mind of a teenager, with hopes, ambitions and fears, but unfortunately, the packaging I came in has changed into somewhat disappointing grey. The grey in my hair is the only rebellious streak left visible, but I still feel the furious energy of youth in my mind.
It was a time of wonder and confusion in equal measure. I wouldn't want to go through it again, but what a ride it was.
You capture perfectly the voice of youth, which is a voice too often ignored. Old enough to die for your country, but too young to have a beer legally. Something is wrong with that statement.
Great job on this, kudos.

[Aswin R Prasad]

Thank you so much! :)

[Rye]

Love this! This is wonderful, Love the rhymes and beat,
could easily be a song. Wonderful write.

[Aswin R Prasad]

Thank you so much !

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

Sure does sound like a teenager, that or someone thats getting a little angry.
This has real emotion in it, its deep and meaningful.
Love the rhyme scheme to.
Well thought out and written, keep writing :)

[Aswin R Prasad]

Thank you so much! :) glad that you liked it! :)

[cimmy wuv xxxooo]

I did :) your welcome :)

[Daisy Ackerman]

This reminds me of lyrics, and I can definitely feel the emotion you are trying to convey. In terms of it actually being read, maybe some syntax like the double periods could be fixed to be either one period, no periods, or ellipses. And if you're comfortable with it, then I think it would be stronger to uncensor the word in the last line. But all of that is just my opinion. Great work!

[Aswin R Prasad]

Thank you so much for your time and review! I really appreciate it!
And i don't really know about the tactical side of poetry.. I just write what comes to my mind and that's why my poems are mostly unorthodox! ;)

[Willard Wells]

Sounds like standing your own ground and taking control. Well done

[Aswin R Prasad]

Thank you! That's exactly how i wanted it to sound! :)

[Solar]

It could make [with some tweakin'] good pop-lyrics [metal too - with editing into heavy verses]

[Aswin R Prasad]

Glad that you think so.. thank you for your review!

[Solar]

You're welcome - look forward to your reviews.

[zunie frost]

I think it's great because i'm a teen ! I love the beauty of this write

[Aswin R Prasad]

Thank you ! :)

[zunie frost]

Welcome !!.

[idiotproof--1]

thank you for sharing I really enjoyed reading this. the emotions in this poem are very intense. there were a couple spots where you didn't capitalize "I" but otherwise really good.

[Aswin R Prasad]

Thank you so much.. I'll see to that :)

[Greg Agee]

You get the message across well and ts enjoyable to read itit through. You might want to look at syntax, taking me granted, maybe taking me for granted. Not band for sitting in class writing !!

[Aswin R Prasad]

Normal English please.. ;) XD
Thanks for pointing it out! :) Didn't notice that! :)

[Greg Agee]

Normal English may be an oxymoron as I am from the southern United States snd speak with a drawl, lol. Though I am naive American. Which I'll begin to write about very soon. Sorry I have been having serious trouble with key input and had to leave edits as it thrrw me off the page. I think I have IY fixed, maybe.

[JustaManWithaPen]

I enjoyed this read very intense good work

[Aswin R Prasad]

Thanks so much :)

[SnowCat]

Good read thank you for sharing

[Aswin R Prasad]

Thank you so much!