Who to follow??

Who to follow??

The more i go away from you

The more close i found you 

The more I say i don't care

The more I cry for you over here

The more I say i hate you

The more I fall in love with you

The more I say you are worthless

The more you seem to be priceless

The more I resist you

The more I crave for you

Mirthful is the fray of mind and heart

Mind tells me to stay apart

but my heart knows...sans you,I am my life's lifeless part!!!!!

Author's Note

please tell me what do you think??

Reviews

[Moniba]

Very nice, Atiba.. Just read it over and make a few grammatical corrections to turn this into an officially beautiful poem.. Mostly we don't mind or point out the grammatical mistakes here much, but in your case, since your writing is very good, i'm pointing it out... Because grammatical mistakes are very distracting..

[The dark story]

yeah sure pls tell me i welcome your views and ifaythg can ake it better...so why should we wait for it...buti cant mae d ammendmnt right now cause y keyboard has ost it senses,that is cearly visile here!!

[The dark story]

lpease tell me my mistakes so that i can make the sorrection!!

[The dark story]

lpease tell me my mistakes so that i can make the sorrection!!

[The dark story]

lpease tell me my mistakes so that i can make the sorrection!!

[Moniba]

I'll mail them to you as soon as I can concentrate on that ;)

[Sami Khalil]

This is an awesome write full of truth and love. You have described something that is so true and relatable. How we think and feel but they are interconnected. Keep shining ...:)

[The dark story]

thanks for the wonderful review..and i'll try to !!

[Sami Khalil]

^^~^^ :)

[keyvan]

beautiful....nice..

[The dark story]

thanks

[Rose]

It's very sweet. Good work. :3

[The dark story]

thanks rose for your kind compliment:)

[Rose]

You're very welcome. :D

[junaid altaf]

what i liked about this poem was the way u have respected the emotion!
and thats very rare!

[The dark story]

Oh well thanks…but to be honest…it just came into my mind and I penned it…though I thInk it needs a little correction

[junaid altaf]

actually if it has been initiated by sincerity then please don't think of killing a poem's soul............it is good as it is.....and yes as a poet ............grammar is a myth!

[The dark story]

HaAaaawwwq…I didn't mean tht…I am glad abt my work but everyone wants their work to be better right na??

[junaid altaf]

yes but remember professionalism is not the seeking of poetry! it is all about the being!

[The dark story]

OhOhoh…hey that's very misely said…beneficial for a stupid girl like me…:)

[The dark story]

Iooops sorry its wisely……and thanks for telling…I will keep this in mind

[junaid altaf]

no no no stupidity is the essence of poetry! and u are stupid! hahahahahah

[The dark story]

oh really so if we will go by that theory of yours..the essence of poetry..then that suppose to mean that i am 20% stupid and you are 20% intelligent because you are a better poet than me!!

[junaid altaf]

intelligence is a synopsis
intellectuality is the worth.....

[The dark story]

Ummmm…maine ye abhi padha…n mujhe samajh me nahi aya…please bta dijiye…so that a brilliantly stupid girl can understand it please please

[Monster ^.^]

Such an irony that is true to its core... How do i know? Is it based on experience? Even I do not know, but I do know this is. :)

[The dark story]

Hahaaahahh…may be …but was that a u were askg to urself ir to me :P…if theatter is right then ihave to use my telepathic power:P :P :P…anyway thnx for the review

[Centfie]

I think you have a great idea here, and you like punctuation a lot. The irony is interesting. Please check the tenses though...I think this poem will do well with one tense throughout e.g the present tense you began with. Best wishes!

[Lupus Kaos]

You, ATIBA, have written a very beautiful poem. Neither sad nor happy, yet so... meaningful. Everything you wrote about and expressed in these lines, is reality to many of us. Thus, I'd like to say thanks for saying something I could not admit for my self till now.

[The dark story]

thanks a tonne for this beautiful review...it means a lot!1

[ewest1220]

I agree with Moniba. The gramatical errors were a little distracting but the poem itself was very very good. A very good strong sense of loyalty and love throughout. Well done.

[The dark story]

seems like i have made seriously a bad grammatical error that it seems so distracting...but it's so unfair that you both are not telling me my mistakes than how can make the corrections?..and i'm already too stupid to find them out by myself!!but thanks a lot for your kind review!!

[ewest1220]

The only thing I see off the top of my head is "mind says we have be apart" maybe add to between have and be.

[Acer]

Package it good , loved it.
Thing's divert us,
eye's see what we want to see,
wether it's good or worst,
but i know very well that
Mind always misleads us,
Heart always' leads us.

[The dark story]

my teacher taught us that the voice of the heart is the voice of the God..i do believe in it too..thanks for the visit and the lovely review..

[Acer]

My pleasure :-')
but yeah, it's true, Heart never misleads us.

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

A very nice piece Atiba :) I wrote about the same topic before and I know how it feels to be in turmoil and dilemma of 2 of the ruling forces of the body, but choice depends on situation.

[The dark story]

yeah it's absolutely true.bhaiyya apke aate hi mera keyboard chlne laga hehehe..good luck for me:)

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

seems like even your pc wants you to tok to me, since its a rare event that we get to talk

[The dark story]

ahahahah...yiiipppppppppppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeee...sure??..i'm sending the text..i thought you might be busy so i didn't asked you anything!!

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

no no, I am never busy :D just drop a message whenever you come

[The dark story]

ya sure..i'll send you hundreds of them and that will make u irksome for sure!!

[Akhand Pratap Singh]

hehe :D I would be least annoyed by message of my sister

[The dark story]

:D :D :D.