Impulsive Hands

Note: May be triggering to someone who has experienced sexual assault or harassment.

His impulsive hands reached for my legs

The legs weighed down by another guy 

A guy who whispered, " I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes" 

Eyes that were frantic

Frantic, he still continued viewing me as nothing but an object

An object that endlessly pleaded "NO"

No that silently echoed through the shadows that night

The night everyone sat on the ashy sectional

The sectional hugging my body for comfort

The comfort I needed for this nightmare

Nightmare defined by the guy I adored watched from the corner 

The corner where he observed everything

Everything that altered my perspective of the world

The world I once viewed through a telescope

The telescope that saw goodness in everything

Everything warped because of the palm of two guys

Two guys that did not know how to keep their hungry hands to themselves.

-It was only until tears formed in my throat they stopped. 

Author's Note

Any suggestions would be appreciated! Thank you for reading.

Reviews

[00000000000000000000000..]

Monsters like this rage me. This isn't the 1st write seen to this nature here. I have met many here before the years who were raped molested and some made it from that darkness and some took there lives. Some scared in a deep depression and never end of cries. I get really upset thinking about all this and sometimes can't bare to read the pains. I know there is no advice I could ever give other than to be a friend and listen in such a time.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Same I have heard so many stories. Thankfully, I wasn't raped or molested. However, it definitely changed the way I view friends. It is so upsetting hearing people go through such a thing.

The world needs more people like yourself that listens.

[0000000000000000000000000000]

Well I am glad that hasn't happen to you. That is the trouble we wont ever have that in this world because people don't care anymore. I don't suggest many seen all this but there is a Movie called Spit on my Grave it is pretty idk what word to use but she takes vengeance in her own hands and after watching all the movies I said to myself what would I do? I guess one has to understand I was abused but not sexually. All I can say after watching that movie is I felt a rage inside and I know that rage and I am no longer that man who flips in anger anymore. It takes a great deal for a nice quite man to flip. But I felt like going on a mission and taking away souls that should had never been. Man loses his state of mind good doesn't even come in the waves of thoughts in a time like that. Have you ever seen the stories on rape cases what the police do with the rape kits? It is very disturbing they end up in abandon buildings to many rooms never seen and women lay and suffer because that monster was never taken to justice . I wont ever say sorry in how this all makes me feel inside.

[Pete]

wow. powerful, powerful and emotive. no one should have to endure that. i don't know why people think they have the right to do such things at another's expense. just sick. you write really well.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you for reading. :)

[Crowley]

Ughhhh...I can't think of a more horrific thing than being forced into doing something that personal. You really shed light on a societal norm that should definitely not be a norm. Keep lending that voice, it helps I think, it really does. Great writing!

[Amanda Trerotola]

I hear you. Thank you for reading.

[Riddhi]

I can feel the pain and agony of the victim as I read the poem..it painted a picture in front of my eyes...I don't know what to say to people who commit such heinous crime , What should I say them that I love talking to humans not with monsters and you are a monster..No I don't know...And you know people who do such things even death I feel is a very small punishment...They can't understand it but the victim , they are ruining someone's entire life..You wrote on a topic on which I feel that people should raise their voice so that such people think hundred times before doing it..
Keep writing..

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you. I wanted to share my story and I am happy the emotions are shown.

[dementedreality]

It's written with an agenda and that can be felt throughout the piece. It doesn't really bring the reader through the experience. An aspect of this is where you say shifted. Shifted is too neutral a word for what happened. You want to evoke connotations of how things shifted through your choice of word. Warped, bent, distorted, corrupted, perverted, putrefied, disfigured, lost.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you for your honest review. Any other words you think I should change?

[Amanda Trerotola]

You think changing “her to I” would make you feel part of the experience?

[dementedreality]

First, second, or third person doesn't matter. It's more about using fewer neutral words while instead using charged words that evoke emotions.



My hands embraced her legs.
Legs that a kindred spirit helped me to hold.
I whispered seductively in her ears, "I know you want it. I can see it in your eyes."
My eyes lustfully lingering upon her own.
She coyly pleaded "NO!"
The walls bear witness to her silent pleas.
We interlaced upon the ashy sectional.
The sectional that clutched her body.
Clutched her tightly in that moment.
Her love interest peeped in on our show.
Watching us lustfully intertwined.
I rocked her perspective of the world with my lust filled hips.
The rose tinted glasses she wore.
Once colored with love, now distorted through my lust.
Another girl shaped by my lenthy charm.
My charm overtook her purity with the help of another.


-It was only after her voice became hoarse with pleasure we stopped.

His domninating hands outstreached towards my fragile legs
Legs straining against another
He sadistically hisses, " I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes"
Paralyzing slitted pupils holding her down
Her body numbed, again and again her voiced bawled out "NO!"
Nos that echoed unheard through the room in the dead of night
That dead night they bound her to the ashen sectional
The sectional that enslaved her body for comfort
The comfort she needed in that moment
The moment that the guy she loved watched from the corner
The corner where he saw everything
Everything that devastated her perspective of the world
The world she once recognized for it's love
A love now corrupted by tainted hands
Everything lost to the the greedy hands
The greedy hands of two heartless cannibals feeding on her flesh

-It was only long after my throat was torn they stopped.

[John the Baptist]

Heavy stuff here. We are apparently hearing a first hand report from the victim, told with images that tell a multitude of stories from all angles. The most amazing thing is that the assailants ceased when "tears formed in my throat." Hopefully someone who might commit such acts will read this one and be dissuaded.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Wow. Thank you for sharing this with me. I tried my best to capture multiple angels. I hope it helps others knowing they aren't alone and may have those who want to do such a thing think twice. However, if someone wants something that bad they would do anything to get it.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you for reading this, John!

[sette]

one very meaningful poem ...

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you for reading it. :)

[emipoemi]

You paint a truly horrific scene that culminates with a very powerful line. Is this a poetic form, beginning the next line with the last word(s) of the previous? It sounds like that, but if not, that repetition is done stupendously.....except for the second last line. That one doesn't really need to be there, and it doesn't quite sound good either. The poem can do without it. This is otherwise well done!

[Amanda Trerotola]

I wrote it without putting into any poetic form, just was natural! Thank you for your feedback. I see what you mean and I am going to take out the line. Is it the line, "Themselves they only were thinking about?"

[emipoemi]

Exactly! And natural is good. But I think the form/style of repeating the last word(s) of the previous line in the next actually has a name.....I've seen it done before somewhere - whatever the case it sounds familiar. But well done regardless. It was a pleasure to read.

[emipoemi]

Addendum: I would also take out "people" from "the world people she once viewed through the telescope". it looks like you were going for another line, but ended up changing it without deleting "people". It feels out of place there. That's all. The rest is fine.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you! You give amazing feedback. I fixed it.

There is a poetic format that it can fall under but I can't remember. Lol

[emipoemi]

I'm glad you appreciate it. It's my pleasure to be of service.

I can't remember it either. But the important matter is you apply it very nicely in the poem :)

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you so much.

I am wondering, do you think it would be better if I changed from third person to first person? Changing "her to my" or "him to you?"

[emipoemi]

Whatever you feel is more powerful. Both have their ability to grab the heart and shake the soul, and convey a different image (first person is everything is happening to you, whilst third person may conjure the feeling that "you" too are present in the scene, and everything is playing out before "your" eyes as "you" tell about your helpless friend being violated as "you" stand helplessly by). Your call. Whatever feels right for you.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you. I changed it to first person because it happened to me.