2019

Let the clock toll the end,
I’m ready for something new to begin.
F**k my brain; f**k my mind,
F**k all this not being all right.
It’s 2019 and I’m alive,
So f**k depression, I’m living my life.
No more misery, no more tears,
No more anxiety or pointless fears.
F**k feeling like I don’t belong,
It’s 2019, and I’m singing a new song.
Time for new goals; new strengths.
F**k it all, I’m striving for new lengths.
Chemicals in my brain be damned
It’s 2019; I’m taking a stand.
I’m sick of the empty walls in my chest�"
Time to admit I haven’t been doing my best.
But f**k it, leave it in 2018.
Lock the door, never let it be seen.
Shutter it all behind in the past,
No reason to let it take me off task.
Who cares about lust or love,
That s**t ain’t what the worlds made up of.
Stress and bills? Eat my a*s�"
Gonna catch up! Gonna let it all pass.
Build up the strength and courage,
No more ‘what about’s or any ‘or if’s.
This is the f*****g year, I know it.
So I’mma stand up and refuse to blow it.
No more wishing or wanting,
No more vindictive thoughts taunting.
This ain’t 2018; I’m declaring,
Listen to the fireworks and horn blaring:
Done with the angst!
Done with these pages let blank!
Done thinking I’m worthless�"
Brain be damned�" I’m f*****g worth it!
Worth the fight and the eventual tears,
Time for myself�"holding on, dear�"
Worth the late nights and ink blots,
Torn up paper and blank spots.
No more giving up or giving in,
F**k it, it’s 2019, I’m determined to win
this battle made up in my head,
Made up when I was twelve, lying in bed.
Wars gone on too long, I quit�"
Surrendering all the bad, bit by bit.
F**k the anger, f**k the fear.
F**k the world feeling musty and unclear.
F**k the void, f**k the cold,
F**k refusing to let the world grab on and hold.
F**k it all �" everything bad I couldn’t let go,
Time to make like Rose; I know
It’s an uphill climb that’ll take time,
But the worlds just reset mine.
New year, new me; cliche it may be,
But f**k mental illness, I’m working on me in 2019.