Blueprint

Blueprint

A Poem by kmk

I'm back to loneliness 
back to my own thoughts 
my insecurities 
outlying my flaws 
I'm back to this apartment 
back in this room that somehow seems to consume my thoughts 
and write my failures in red
on my white walls 
I'm back to thinking about that assessment piece 
and my failing GPA 
I'm back to the pressure 
disappointing my family 
another failing semester 
I'm back to making excuses so paper thin
I'm on the edge again 
and i wanna call that boy 
the who comes around only when it suits him 
and i let him 
he takes pieces of me that i never seem to get back 
I'm back to self-hate 
I just bought bleaching cream 
I'm just another being 
caught up in the ideal of a perfect being 
of a perfect life and pure happiness 
i was feed to believe that happiness 
comes in orders 
and necessary steps 
and if i somehow to not follow the blueprint
which is handed to me I'm on a road to self distract 
It seems like i cant just wake up today and choose happiness 
there's a structure for it 
and time for it 
I'm supposed to be a good girl 
love Jesus 
honor my parents 
respect my elders 
be pretty as a picture 
long hair, fair skin, not too dark but no too white 
go to school and do well 
get into University and a get a qualification 
work and save up 
and maybe before my 26 birthday 
have a guy propose to me 
get married 
start a family 
and maybe just maybe happiness will come knocking on my door. 
I'm just another being 
following the blueprint. 

© 2015 kmk


Author's Note

kmk
ignore grammar problems,

I know its a very depressing piece

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It's you, airing some very real concerns and worries about your life, and I believe it's good and normal for you to do it. I'm rather old now, but remember very well being in a similar place many years ago. Life does present us with dark times. Is it a test? No one can know, but the lumps in the road can bruise us and diminish our fortitude. Hold on, young lady--do your best. Things will work out.

Posted 5 Years Ago



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Added on August 15, 2015
Last Updated on August 15, 2015
Tags: life, love, pressure, university, happiness, blueprint

Author

kmk
kmk

Brisbane , Australia



About
I just want to write my writings are just a reflection of my world, things around me and how i make sense of it all. Its my way of dealing with madness. I write about everyday things from love, .. more..