In the back of my mind

You know I'm afraid of dying,
It's a fear of the Unknown.
I picture myself old and frail,
Not ready yet, to go.

It's ironic really,
It keeps me awake at night..
But yet everyday I dream it,
just ending my life.

This Sunday, well it seems too hard,
I'll imagine an escape..
Or this Wednesday afternoon,
I'll list three ways by mistake.

And although I am afraid,
I find I wish for life to end.
Although I'd never do it,
My mind will just pretend.

I've made mistakes, my mind says,
I want to start a new.
Not able to erase the damage,
That's when life says, f**k you.

How deeply messed up I must be,
Dragging myself through,
Imagining the worst,
-And Hoping it was true.

Author's Note

I am sorry that this is so negative. Depression is a bitch and writing about it helps!