Love

Love

A Poem by writingurl14

I want him more than i want to breathe

I need him to be complete

Without him I am imperfect

Without him I am just skin and bones

With him I am a whole

I am a human

I have a soul

Without him nothing is right

With him i am happy

When he is near nothing could go wrong

 

© 2013 writingurl14


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Featured Review

Very nice. I am able to see the emotion in your work.

However, I not sure about this, so correct me if I misunderstood, but in the first line, I think you meant 'than i want to breathe'. 'Then' is a time-based word, 'than' is a comparison word. When you say 'then' that means you are going to the following words after the first part. When you use the word 'than', it means you would prefer that to the other action. And the word 'breathe' is the verb, 'breath' is the noun. I also believe you don't need 'a' in your 5th line: 'with him i am whole'.

If you wrote it this way intentionally (for any type of meaning) this is fine, but be aware of capitalization, commas, periods, and other grammar tools.

I apologize if I am unclear or if I appear to be harsh. I am bit uptight at times. Anyways, I did love this writing. Please keep it up! I'll be looking forward to more! :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Nice short poem, brings out a lot of emotion. Couple of grammar issues, but overall, good job!

Posted 6 Years Ago


writingurl14

6 Years Ago

thanks and my editor has yet to go over it
A classic poem that will forever be worth reading. ;)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

writingurl14

6 Years Ago

Thanks so much! This means so much to me :)
Emotional, amazing, and very well written.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I understand that you are a 'Juliet' to your 'Romeo'.
I like this line:"Without him I am imperfect'
Very lovely poem.
I can feel your love and passion for him.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Love this.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

writingurl14

8 Years Ago

yay lol
Very lovely! Well written. It really conveys just how desperately you love this person!

Posted 8 Years Ago


writingurl14

8 Years Ago

yea :)
Don't know if you meant it this way, but the last line is kinda creepy. Have you watched that "Overly Attached Girlfriend" video? It's kinda like that.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

writingurl14

8 Years Ago

its ment more as a i would die for him...
GunMetal

8 Years Ago

I'm sure he'd rather you live for him =)
writingurl14

8 Years Ago

yea i know he would...
This is a lovely poem, the feelings within this is very understandable. Good work :3

Posted 8 Years Ago


Very well written my friend.....Good luck in the contest.....Whisk

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on July 1, 2012
Last Updated on June 10, 2013

Author

writingurl14
writingurl14

greer, SC



About
I am a 15 year old writer. I play vollyball and love to go for a midnight run around the neighborhood. im taken and love music and lots of other things. if you wanna learn more about me message me &.. more..

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