Bluebird of Happiness

True Tail

On May 16, 2010, at the age of 98 1/2, Grandma finally succumbed to being on this planet long enough. About two decades too long if you had asked her. That’s how long she continued on after Grandpa passed. She lived alone in her own home until the age of 94 and was 'all there' pretty much until the end.

Shortly before she went to 'the home' (her decision, not the family's) I was sneaking into the candy jar as was my ritual since childhood. She was in the next room watching TV.

“Is someone in my candy?” she inquired.

“Yes, ma’am!” was my reply as I marveled over the fact that she heard me.

I got my sweet tooth from her. Apparently, I also inherited her mutant ability to hear a flea fart. I had originally been Grandpa's girl, but I was still a child when he died. I think my dysfunctional relationship with my mother is what hampered me from being close to Grandma back then. 

Coming into adulthood, I bonded with Grandma and realized all the things we had in common. I'd vent to her about Mom and she'd retort with "I don't know why she's like that. She wasn't raised that way!" We became allies. It's only fitting that her name happens to be nestled in the middle of mine.

After Mom called to tell me Grandma was gone, I went upstairs to the bathroom. Standing in a daze, I stared out the window. A blue jay flew up and perched on a limb in front of me. Without thinking I blurted “Bluebird!” being instantly reminded of the scene in 'K-PAX' when Howie sees the blue jay out the window after being given the task of finding the 'bluebird of happiness'. I proceeded to break down.

Her funeral was on my birthday. Oh, the irony. I spent most of the day in bed. I didn’t attend the service. Distance and circumstances wouldn’t allow it. There was just a small gathering at 'the home' and she was cremated. So there wouldn't have been a body to see in order to gain closure.

Besides, she sent me a blue jay. I'm pretty sure nobody else got one. I googled 'blue jay symbolism' (yes, I'm a chronic googler). I read that spotting one doesn’t tend to happen often. Seeing one fly in from the direction it did is considered a 'good sign'. It’s also said they’re a link between heaven and earth. I came to the conclusion that it’s my 'spirit animal'. Its characteristics describe me right down to my proclivity for sneaking into candy jars.

Knowing that Grandma was more than ready to go doesn’t make it any easier to accept that she’s gone. She was the only constant force in the backdrop of many losses and upheavals in my life. All I can really do from here is continue on my journey keeping an eye out for more 'bluebirds of happiness' along the way.

Reviews

[ScaryTrees]

this is indeed a special story
i think it is a story of loss but also of hope
it is truly beautiful that your grandmother will always be with you

[Kerry O'Connor]

A friend of mine, who was very close to his grandparents as they had a hand in raising him (an only child), once told me this story. One day, after his grandfather had passed away, he was sitting in the garden with his Gran. A little sparrow hopped very close to them. "Ssh," his Gran said, "that's your Granddad." Several years later, his Gran passed away too; we happened to have lunch together a day or so later. We sat outside, and while we spoke, a sparrow hopped closer to us. We both knew, without a word being spoken, what the other was thinking.

I have a great love of birds.
Thank you for sharing this very special story.