The Driveway That Eats UPS Trucks

The Driveway That Eats UPS Trucks

A Story by barleygirl
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saga continues . . . see photo

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I hit the stick-shift at age fifteen and I took our little square crackerbox Renault offroad like a badass. If I got stuck in a rut, friends hopped out and helped me lift that sucker over onto a smoother track. When I first moved here, I backed my pickup truck over a big boulder, then promptly powered my way off that mutha with some buckin’ back-and-forths that sent dirt flying. That’s why I’ve been so hard on these wimpy little UPS delivery boys, afraid to navigate my rustic road.

Well yesterday I watched my driveway eat a UPS truck and now I feel a little sheepish about my earlier critical stance.

Usually the big delivery trucks go way down the steep hill to turn around because there’s wide open space down alongside the creek. But yesterday I watched a headstrong driver spin it in my driveway. My driveway is huge, plenty big to twirl two UPS trucks simultaneously. However, I never would’ve imagined how ferocious my driveway could become.

I knew this kid was in trouble when he got too far up on the steep end of my driveway and also I noticed the soil was still sloppy wet from the morning’s downpour. Sitting at my computer trying to focus on writing a book, suddenly a big boulder flies past my field of vision. Should I go outside to see if I can help this idiot or will I be mowed down by flying shrapnel? Who could sit inside, not take a front row seat, enjoy a brown bucking bronco gyrate and peel like a chunky chocolate exotic dancer?

There were a few times when the rear bumper shoved my fence aside an inch or two. One rear wheel was so insistent on flinging a dirt waterfall, we stuffed some boards underneath for traction. The more this driver roared back and forth, the more monstrosities his undercarriage swallowed . . . two boulders and a limb I planned to buck into firewood. Finally, the largest boulder pinned this truck against my fence and there was nowhere else to go but call main office.

I would’ve felt sorry for this harebrain if I hadn’t eaten an acre of crow myself, due to a lifetime of my own unfathomable stupidity. The first thing he said to me when he finally surrendered, shut down his engine and climbed out of the truck: “I’m still on probation and this will be counted as an accident.”

© 2020 barleygirl


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I feel sort of sorry for the guy. I suppose his probation was what kept him fighting to get his beast of a truck out of the hole. Sounds like the end of your story is only the beginning of his troubles.

So, I guess this incident just proves your earlier theory that Fed-Ex has superior drivers, haha. Hope your driveway and fence didn’t suffer too much damage. But I do love this little vignette. Your details offer a sense of being there, as ever, and are capped off with your humor which is always fun to read.

Hope your book writing is going well, Margie. Thanks for sharing some of the day to day excitement from your neck of the woods.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

This poor guy had to wait six hours for the tow truck. No cell phone coverage, so entertainment. I f.. read more



Reviews

Documentation
1/27/2020
5:09 PM U.S.A. MST
This review content authored by PB Jacobs (www.writerscage.org).
My review content of "The Driveway That Eats UPS Trucks," by barleygirl.

Yes, I'm well aware that a dude is something in a pile behind the barn...

So, you have a husky way about telling this story. Get o'er yonder, huh?

Yeah, I get your sense of humor, and yes, I'm kind of a dummy. Try not to c**k a guage between my eyes. Yeah, it's a funny. You seem to be well familiar with the words now see here!

A bossie type, huh?

You have a cool dime store story here. Passing the time?

You're a feisty one. Gotta make you a friend, to give you someone to gripe about.

You make me kind of chuckle, as in your content style amuses me.

Until next time, Your Walt Disneyness!

PB Jacobs


Posted 4 Hours Ago


I am kind of surprised they let him out on his own
It is true that if those things aren't loaded correctly or if they are too empty, traction can be a problem
Add inexperience, nervousness and a challenging driveway
BTW I had a Renault R8 early days and it was one decent comfortable, good riding, road handling, performance machine

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Days Ago

My dad loved those Renaults . . . we had 3 over time . . . becuz not loaded with electronic nonsense.. read more
Great piece of description of what is an everyday situation Margie. You've done right using your own lingo to make it authentic. Your use of images to back up description adds greatly to the fun - chunky choco, bucking Broncos etc. It's a nice touch how your disdain for this idiot ends in understanding for his predicament. I can understand how you must be enjoying writing these memories.
All the best.
Alan


Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Week Ago

I usually write memories, but this happened just last week. I still have a big swampy swath of uglin.. read more
I loved the descriptions of this episode. Reminded me of trying to drive a Hillman Husky across a muddy field to save myself a 3 mile detour. I succeeded without any real damage, but spent the best part of three days trying to clear the mud clogging the steering and mainshaft linkage in the street with buckets of water and a scrubbing brush. Just married, tiny flat, no hosepipe . ( Marriage and car both survived - self-esteem destroyed)
You are prompting confessions and realistic writing with your graphic anecdotes ,Margie. Keep up the good work.
Enviously, Norm (((Hugs)))
.

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Week Ago

You nailed my main motivation . . . it's the confessions! I don't give a hang about being a known au.. read more
I have to say Margie I had some sympathy for this guy. He sounds a bit like my 25 year old grandson who seems to get plagued by bad luck. He isn't stupid, but he can certainly end up in some difficult situations. I hope he keeps his job, Good on you for keeping him fed and watered while he had to wait for the problem to be resolved. That brings my maternal streak out. I would have done the same. Fancy sending him out in a truck with bald tyres. Poor sod. You make the ordinary mundane events of the day so interesting. Thank you for this share.

Chris

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Week Ago

Your heartfelt sentiments very much match my own. This kid was such a good sport about everything, I.. read more
Christine Anne Shaw

1 Week Ago

Aw, you softie Margie. Just like me.
Wouldn't it be awesome if he just happened to also wield a pen and unbeknownst to you, there is another take on this tale, floating in the ether?
Maybe spooky biscuits syndrome will hit and booth stories end up starring on the same bookshelf... If the idiot delivery guy doesn't lose the shipment of books.
You'll be getting yourself a bad rep Margie, the way you go through delivery guys 😀

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

These pkg-delivery companies are dense as concrete, it would seem. I've had two different trucks dri.. read more
Lorry

1 Week Ago

Well, hold on to your knicker elastic Margie, because the next statement WILL shock ya... We have up.. read more
barleygirl

1 Week Ago

Thanks for a hilarious share & great comparison!
poor guy! hopefully it will also be a lesson learned and remembered ... the pic fits perfectly of course .. it is a truck eating beast isn't it?! its fun to look over your shoulder Margie ... watching the mud and boulders fly :)
E.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

Now every time I go up to get my mail, walking by this massacred patch of land in front of my house,.. read more
Einstein Noodle

2 Weeks Ago

hugs to you too! :)
I see a demon in that picture a faint silhouette of ethereal tentacles wafting in the air awaiting another ups vehicle. I believe it is the demon of the collective rejected US postal workers... a perilous foe indeed! Seething anger embodied in lifetimes of social service, blisters and callous feet and hearts... I can hear there voices "tho shalt not steal or brothers livelihood brown scourge!"

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

That was the camera lens fogging up when I brought it from inside near the woodstove, to outside alm.. read more
Robert Trakofler (Bad Bunny)

2 Weeks Ago

you know I love the imperfections of things keep that lense dirty Willis
barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

that's me . . . dirty Willis . . . thanks to your encouragement!
I just love the show and not tell technique in your writing always”.......I watched my driveway eat a UPS truck....” that’s such an awesome way of telling it!

As always, the narration is superb, witty and engrossing. Your detailing is interesting and there’s something new on offer everytime.

I enjoyed this read very much.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

When I first started at a different writing website, I was first enchanted with the writers who wrot.. read more
It’s so funny that some people are so stupid and thick-skinned. That UPS driver punched way above his weight! Not funny that others must pay for their stupidity. Great entertaining read and I Iove your lively and engrossing story-telling as always

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

It's a good thing I find this hilarious. Every time I go out front & see the site of the driveway ma.. read more

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Added on January 10, 2020
Last Updated on January 10, 2020

Author

barleygirl
barleygirl

Central Coast, CA



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