About Forgiveness

About Forgiveness

A Story by barleygirl
"

my switch got tripped . . .

"

Some say “you should forgive” and what they really mean is that I should shut up about it, get over it, buck up like they have always done, stop whining and stop blaming my past. Just pop the righteous forgiveness pill.

Some say “you should forgive” and what they really mean is that I should carve away a third of my life so they won’t be unpleasantly inconvenienced when I write as if the entire sixty-four years is my God-given lifespan.

Some picture forgiveness as a magic pill that stops people from thinking about anything bad that happened in the past so we can all go forward licking our lollipops of delusion and bragging about how we’ve let it all go.

Some do the honest work of forgiveness, beyond a singular sneeze. But since they slug it out during a few pew Sundays (lucky them) they mistakenly believe I’m not even dialed into the miracle of forgiveness. Clearly, whatever path I’m wandering doesn’t live up to their gold standard of forgiveness.

Who are these forgiveness warriors to say that I’m processing my life lessons in a way that’s inferior because my outcome isn’t the same as theirs?

Some of us remain fractured by whatever tripped us up in life and even though some days we’re sure we’ve forgiven, a week later we know in our hearts that raping toddler-age children (or similarly vile sins) are unforgivable.

Some days forgiveness slides down like a banana split and some days it dons cheetah spots and fangs, the fastest predator on the planet.

For some of us forgiveness isn’t an obligation we can simply make up our minds to do . . . some forgiveness doesn’t fit neatly into a decade . . . some journeys last a lifetime as our understanding of such tough lessons evolves.

Life is the gift that keeps on giving. Why shut the door on a huge chunk of my life that continues to spew messy new understandings and lessons?

I see forgiveness as an act of integration, not erasure. When I write openly and comfortably about my life, including childhood abuse, I hope it shows that my healing and forgiveness journey is well in hand because I’m thriving.

Still some try to shut me up when they say “you should forgive.”

© 2020 barleygirl


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Featured Review

' .. some journeys last a lifetime as our understanding of such tough lessons evolves. '

Some should keep out of other people's business and focus attention on their own sanctimonious and ice.cold lives where understanding is less than a pigeon's dropping. Til someone's felt the flick of a whip on mind and heart, he or she can't know what pain means. Hugs for you, dear friend.. took courage to write those words. Believe me, you're a mountain compared to those hillocks!

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

3 Weeks Ago

I hope to never be the kind of person who acts like, becuz I survived such horrific abuse, then why .. read more
emmajoy

3 Weeks Ago

I try to understand but, believe me, some things are so unbelievable, makes the blood heat to boilin.. read more



Reviews

Hi Margie I’m so glad I popped in and saw this on my feed
I admire and respect and honour your bravery in writing so honestly and with rawness about your whole life .....
Not just the abuse but I did read the book on line about you learning to walk again which I thoroughly enjoyed
Ok 👌 do not listen to others who say you are not on the right path
Just know you are on your lifelong journey and their fast highway is not as scenic as your country roads

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

When I was first led into the wilderness (literally, my cabin borders a big wilderness area!) a deca.. read more
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Li
Barleygirl...this is my first time reading your work. I absolutely love this and it hits home. Some say when you forgive, you forget and I wondered why I wasn't forgetting when I decided to forgive. It seemed that the memories kept flashing back and the more I tried to keep them at the back of my mind, the more they wanted out and I was more furious than ever. I was confused, 'had I not forgiven these people? Why is the memory still fresh and aggravating?' But I realize you never forget, when it's too hurtful, you just can't. I've realized that forgiveness is not a switch that you can turn on and off. It's a process and like you said we all process it differently. I truly believe forgiveness is an amazing thing but so incredibly hard sometimes. But since some of us fail to forget, I just hope it hurts a little less with each passing day until the memory nolonger hurts.

Thanks for conveying it beautifully. Count me in as your new fan:)
Li

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

This review makes it totally worthwhile to have written this. Sometimes I do not feel like revisitin.. read more
Li

2 Weeks Ago

It's my pleasure, I sincerely enjoyed it. Keep writing, don't hold back, someone outthere will relat.. read more
Well Bgirl all I can say is forgiveness is vastly overrated. There are those who can never earn forgiveness or for whom forgiveness can only come from God.
There are those in my past I have never forgiven and thankfully they died before I forgot my pledge not to.
I know you have every reason to deal with your past as you have done, but you have a good handle on it I think.
Harsh ... maybe .... but I'll live with it, as will you.
I know people think you will feel better if you forgive your transgressor ... tell you the truth, I feel quite fine.
Take care in the boonies ... tend your garden ... stay safe.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

I love this discussion of yours about forgiveness! So many things in life are not as black & white a.. read more
I've already seen you speak of someone who did you very wrong in a somewhat gentle way. To me, it looked like you had come to terms, though maybe not forgiven. Even if one doesn't believe Jesus's advice to forgive, it's something we should endeavor to do, nonetheless. It frees us up somehow and makes us lighter. That said, it can be soooo hard to do. Now that there are so many more days behind than in front of me, I search my past for things/people/situations that need fixing. Most often, that fix is my saying, "Okay, I forgive you."
From where I'm at, it looks like you're handling things pretty good.

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

Thank you for a deep & thoughtful response! I love hearing about how you approach forgiveness & I lo.. read more
dear Margie... our past was thrust upon us...
It is always a part of us. We learn as we grow
that we can embellish a different way... some day.
I ponder my past as a Piano Concerto that was composed
once upon a time... when strong winds became a forest of
creativity. gently, Pat

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

2 Weeks Ago

As humans, most have the bad habit of trying to edit someone else's path or tapestry. I never EVER g.. read more
Patricia Wedel

2 Weeks Ago

dear Margie... I have worked with many people from different cultures. They all have a precious hea.. read more
I was listening to a writing podcast today, they were discussing Memoirs. The lecturer mentioned writing therapy - your words above reminded me of this immediately. I think you and I both know, we have to take the time to process things for ourselves. No-one can tell us something and that will make life experiences disappear - we have to go within, find our own answers. I know you have already done this :)

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

3 Weeks Ago

Thanks for a great share. Even tho I'm fully behind writing therapy, I was also blessed to have frie.. read more
It is hard to forgive when the action that caused the hurt is so abusive and intrusive that it is difficult to recover from.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

3 Weeks Ago

Sometimes, when I mention my abusive childhood, other people will say that my abuse is so much worse.. read more
forgiving is one thing...forgetting is another..we can't erase the past.
And even forgiving isn't always the answer....it is more like "coming to terms" with
the past...acknowledging it, hopefully learning from it...and understanding in the end who the
people in our lives are who really matter.
j.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you for stopping by to share your sweetness & understanding (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie
For me, forginveness has always been a hard pill to swallow, because I cannot just forget everything that has happened in the past, because let's face it, it's no magic. I have always been told by my mother to forgive and forget, but it's just something I cannot do, especially when people keep repeating themselves over and over again. For me, forgiveness is for a one time genuine mistake, and not something which has become a habit. It's really good to read what you have written. I too am of the opinion that forgiveness doesn't mean reconnection.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

3 Weeks Ago

Thanks for reading & sharing your always-appreciated views. You bring up something I had not even ad.. read more
Somethings can't be forgiven. Cannot be forgotten. I do believe. We learn to live with things that are painful. I understand your thoughts. Thank you dear Margie for sharing your amazing words and your thoughts.
Coyote

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

3 Weeks Ago

You are one of the most compassionate & understanding people on this website! Thanks for sprinkling .. read more
Coyote Poetry

1 Week Ago

You are my friend too dear Margie and you are welcome.

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Added on July 9, 2020
Last Updated on July 9, 2020

Author

barleygirl
barleygirl

Central Coast, CA



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