It's That Time Again!

It's That Time Again!

A Poem by barleygirl
"

ugly Christmas sweaters . . .

"

Shrewd dude glues his threads with a ton of attitude
never know what deluded mood my man will exude
brashly boondock swaggering a zigzag latitude
he’s finger food in the nude, jauntily subdued.

Frosty sill-drops distort a stocking-draped blaze
around the kitchen table we often bake and graze
I don my wacky berets which he is quick to praise
but his mom is the master who crochets for days.

On a November eve his momma knocks again
with aplomb she drops a bomb: an ugly cardigan
multicolored blinking snow upon a wooded glen
last year’s spectacle starred cross-eyed wise men.

Stifling a sneer, I spot a deer jutting from the front
nob of sheepskin hooks his chin, this Rudolph is no runt
momma’s latest ugly sweater, an animalistic affront
his rebel pals will blast him dead on their next deer hunt.

Long after momma’s gone, he dons this garb so corny
hold my man on the divan, gored by antlers thorny
he’ll have to crack a magazine or dice up something porny
with Rudolph’s hoof in my groin, I sure ain’t gettin’ horny.

© 2020 barleygirl


Author's Note

barleygirl
Robert Trakofler's fine spoof on "night before xmas" with a snappy covid twist inspired me to start rolling out the outlandish holiday writing. Here's a link to Rob's piece: "A New Visit from St. Nicholas Bad Bunny style" . . .

https://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Flaccidbunny/2758468/

My Review

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Featured Review

Okay Bgirl, if there is no law against these types of sweaters, there should be. Of course it would look good wrapped and under the tree ... or flying from a flagpoooolllleee. Sorry a shudder just ran up my backbone.
The poem is much better than that red nosed contraption.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

That is the ugliest sweater I've ever seen, but your poem is a little less ugly. I think you said th.. read more



Reviews

I just love this! The rhythm and rhyme just dance sweet and wild with the words. There is so much playful magic that just moves through every line. Thank you for sharing the joy... it is so needed right now.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

I find it impossible these days to focus on the fomenting that is ever-present whenever I connect wi.. read more
Margie, I love the spoof on The Night Before Christmas, Rudolph and those ugly crocheted sweaters. The other vivid characters are great. You just have a magic way with words, all the time and this one is so uplifting and clever, love it! Hugs, B xo


Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

My general overall feeling is "DULLSVILLE" now that the cold has swept in to numb my mind (in Cali, .. read more
Betty Hermelee

1 Month Ago

This was really quite clever; I love the way you refer to the "granite slab"; I'm beginning to feel .. read more
Oh. My. Word. This poem had me in "stitches". It takes a LOT to make me laugh, yet i'm still chuckling as i write this review! Well done, my friend, Mission Accomplished!

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

Thank you for giving me the ultimate compliment -- you laughed! That's all I need in life (((HUGS))).. read more
quite a yarn you spin. at least it wasn't a fruitcake - i wonder what you'd say about that. if it keeps her busy, i say let her knit all she wants. you could always hang it in the window or use rudolph's nose at night to cut down on your electric bill ... :)

his rebel pals will blast him dead on their next deer hunt

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

I did a fruitcake poem one holiday, but since I was using "fruitcake" to mean a person of alternativ.. read more
Pete

1 Month Ago

i can be quite crude but i try to behave here on the site ... :)
LOL That is the grand master of all ugly sweaters It is absolutely reindeer in the headlights stunning! Holy smokes I am taken aback by the sheer brilliance of this thing! I would wear this all winter long I would instantly scare people and at least double my tips out of pure sadness from my customers thinking I am a wee bit touched! I would walk into arguments suspending the strife from the sheer shock of my semblance instantly disarming the angry parties involved. Oh the power of this sweater Dear Margie

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

I read your hilarious account of donning this wildass xmas sweater yesterday about 24 hours ago. In .. read more
Don't know what's going on today Margie-so sorry-first it posted two reviews and now erased both so here I go again-breathe! This is the best Ugly Christmas Sweater story I have ever heard! Your poetic skill shines as brightly as a Christmas candle and I just don't know how you do it! Intricate rhyming and perfect cadence, alliteration, imagery, word-play-"last year’s spectacle starred cross-eyed wise men". And all done with a really raucous, rollicking sense of humor- even in these hard times we are all living in. Just what we need-Just what I personally need. I'm chuckling, ringing bells and even searching on Amazon right now to buy the Spectacularly Ugly Christmas Sweater in your hilarious picture!:)))))))

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

Getting a double-whammy from you is always a delight, so don't you worry about disappearing reviews!.. read more
Okay Bgirl, if there is no law against these types of sweaters, there should be. Of course it would look good wrapped and under the tree ... or flying from a flagpoooolllleee. Sorry a shudder just ran up my backbone.
The poem is much better than that red nosed contraption.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

That is the ugliest sweater I've ever seen, but your poem is a little less ugly. I think you said th.. read more
aaaawwwww, an ode to the ugly sweater and the men who wear them, on purpose!!!! Margie, I think you should let than man up now, you're squishing that rudolph the reindeer.... ;0)

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

Okay, you're the only one who read me rightly here . . . yes, I did rock off on Rudolph's hoof! I'm .. read more
In the spirit of things that is a bad look cardigan lol;)

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

I'm not a snazzy dresser by any stretch of the antlers. But I don't have any ugly xmas sweaters! (((.. read more

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16 Reviews
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Added on November 29, 2020
Last Updated on November 29, 2020

Author

barleygirl
barleygirl

Central Coast, CA



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Just loving life & sharing my blessings. more..

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