My fantasy...

My fantasy...

A Poem by barricade
"

just a little " something" expressing my feelings for the "night"...the time i love the most...

"
sitting by the window...
the night it weaves a dream...
casting a spell upon me...
enchanted, i flow along a stream...

i leave the room, bedazzled...
walk out all alone...
not knowing why i do so..
just spell bound by the unknown...

bare feet as i step out...
am greeted by the cold...
the magic has just begun...
mysteries, they unfold...

the moon shining bright...
amongst the zillion stars...
the sky, a dark shade of violet...
the clouds forming a veil, like one; of the czars...

the view; picturesque...
a living fantasy for sure...
nature playing a song...
the music ever so pure...

the wind it quickly wraps me...
in a strong embrace...
sensuously whispers in my ears...
and gently caresses my face...

i stand on my toes to reach out to thee...
and open my arms as wide...
to feel the eternal bliss...
giving me a million rushes, with each rising tide...

nature at its playful best...
teasing me to delight...
my fantasies they grow...
as i make love to the night!!!






© 2009 barricade


Author's Note

barricade
wouldn't have written this one if it wasn't for a dear friend...this ones for her...
still not complete though (maybe) (think i can write more...have lots to say on this...lets see)

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it is very skillfully done and i can tell it is a fantastci peice of poetry but there is something about it that i personally cant get into, it may just be the theme..but dont listen to my personal taste everyone else loves it.

neat and well performed, good imagery

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

There is much to admire in this. I think you need to lose the ellipses, though. They break your flow, making me think there is a missing word or phrase at the end of each line, when they actually read on quite nicely. You should take better care of your rhyming, too. Personally, I found the rhymes jarring and forced at times, especially as you haven't set forward a consistent rhythmic scheme.

amongst the zillion stars...

...the clouds forming a veil, like one; of the czars...

Here, the rhyming line is almost twice as long as the source line. Ideally, it should be the same length, give or take a syllable. To me, it doesn't seem like a true rhyme unless it appears in the same rhythmic position as in the source.

If I ignore the rhymes (and ellipses), this poem read much more naturally, i.e. reading it like flowery prose, instead of poetry.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ah!
A wonderful fantasy....:)
True.....fantasies come alive in the darkness of night.:)

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This was really really lovely, the night it weaves a dream, what a beautiful line. Well written. I do agree with Kelleys review below, the line about the czars...it seems very forced into rhyme. But apart from that one word it was fabulous.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

the wind it quickly wraps me...
in a strong embrace...
sensuously whispers in my ears...
and gently caresses my face... This is great writing! I love the night and all it's mysteries and possibilities, spending countless hours alone under the stars up in the old rock quarries above the city is where you will find me, it is the best time to write and think. I really enjoyed this piece!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is so beautiful..!!i love night...it's so beautiful and best part of the day..!!!

"nature at its playful best...
teasing me to delight...
my fantasies they grow...
as i make love to the night"

great work..!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Such a sensually inviting piece. Luvvin it !!!! Well done......but would love a continuation please. Thanks.
BBXX

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The rhythm and tempo works well for the feelings behind this poem. You are developing a style that will enhance the readers enjoyment has it is developed further.

Good job


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow! This was cool, I love it. Then ending is fabulous. I see a person confident in who they are and doesn't require the approval of others. A person at peace with their inner self and looking forward to the future ahead with glee. That's right, tomorrow, bring it on! Great poem. Although a dream, still inspirational.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AWESOME!!! PROBABALY your best poem i have read thus far. I love the imagrey of the night, and how, at the end you say, "i make love to the night..." great job! i was very impressed. my fav part:

the wind it quickly wraps me...
in a strong embrace...
sensuously whispers in my ears...
and gently caresses my face...

wow..great words..."sensously" and "whispers" "gently"

my kind of poem, you are a blooming writer, keep it up!


Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 8, 2009
Last Updated on June 9, 2009

Author

barricade
barricade

India



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