Over Dinner

Over Dinner

A Story by bba
"

What do couples talk about over dinner?

"

“So how’s the fish?”
         
“It’s good. A bit salty though.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. I thought of adding more water but decided not to.”

“So, why didn’t you?”

“What?”

 “Why didn’t you add more water?”
       
“I just thought that adding more water would kill all the other flavors. Then I would have to add more of everything else just to balance everything. Then I would have to wait another five minutes for it to simmer. And by the time it’s done, we’ve died of hunger.”

“Oh… Um, I think it’s good.”

“But a bit salty…”

“Uh-uh… Hmmm,  so, how’s your work? Any adventure in the office you want to tell me, my Wonder Woman?”

“Aw, my second-rate husband wants to know if I rescued some boy-toy.”

“Ouch!”

“Well, if you must know, there’s this really cute guy I rescued jumping off a tall building.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Well, actually it’s just an old man - a really old man going down the stairs very, very slowly. He was blocking the way so I helped him down.”

“Anything else?”

“Well, Ellen showed me her new hybrid car.”

“Who’s Ellen?”

“Ellen. Bobby’s wife.”

“Who’s Bobby?”

“‘Who’s Bobby?’ He married Ellen. Last year. We went to the wedding. You-were-his-best-man. If you looked out of our window you’d see his house.”

“Ah, Bobby the jerk…”

“What?”

“Bobby the jerk…”

“Dean Wesson! Why in the world you’re calling Bobby a jerk? What did he ever do to you?”

“He didn't do anything to me. I hope he’d try though - then I’ll break his ba-“

“So what did he do then, huh?”

“That b*****d. He’s cheating on his wife, uh, Ellen. I saw ‘em. Yeah, every morning when his wife goes to work another car comes in then - ”

“Did you actually see another woman come in the house?”  

 

“Yes! Of course! Like I told you, I saw the woman come inside the house. She comes in, right, then after 5…6 hours she comes out.”

 

“Did you actually see what they were doing?”

 

 “No, they always keep the curtains down. But don’t you think it’s a bit strange? Wife comes out, woman comes in, woman comes out, wife comes in.”

“Haven’t you got anything else better to do other than peak out the window and spy on our neighbors?”

“What? I thought you wanted to kno-”

“Know what? That my husband would spread another gossip around about our perfect neighbor? Dean, don’t start this again. Just stop. Now. Before it gets out of hand. Again.”

“I just - I just thought you wanted to know.”

“No, I don’t want to know.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?”

“Oh, Dean…”

“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry, Samantha. I just don’t know what do. I need something to keep my mind off - off that thing...”

“Oh. It’s all right, honey. If - if you can’t do it, then maybe - maybe we can just -” 

“It’s finished. I did it.”

“Oh. You - you really did it? I never thought you can - ”

“Well, we agreed on it, right? We both wanted this, right?”

“Yes, but…”

“This is for the both of us, Samantha. If I haven’t done this then we’ll be stuck with that thing forever.”

“I - I know…”

“All that - that thing does is eat. It’ll just grow and never stop. And what if we can’t give it food any more, what then, huh?”


“I - I don’t-“

“It’ll eat us! Do you understand? Us! Look what it did to you.”

“I - I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“What do you mean you’re gonna be sick? After what that thing did to you? Samantha, have you forgotten those nine months you’ve put up with that thing! That thing could’ve killed you, Samantha!”

“But - but I didn’t know it would be that long. I didn’t - we didn’t know it will take that long.”

“No! Don’t give me that! No, no, no! You knew it’ll take that long. You knew because Ellen told you! She and Bobby keep making those - those things!”

“And what’s wrong with making those things, huh, Dean?  Ellen and Bobby’s in their right mind to make a living out of those things!”

 

“Ellen and Bobby? Ellen and Bobby! They don’t know crap!”

 

“Dean!”

“What?! Ellen and Bobby, they - they make those things then what? You know those things are useless. Always eating, always crying. And they’re only good for one thing, you know?  Making furniture.  Like we don’t have enough furniture in the world we have to make those things into a piece in a nine month basis! We’ve more beds than we need… more chairs…. Our house is practically overflowing with every type of furniture. What will the neighbors think?”

 

“Dean…”

 

“We don’t need to be like Ellen and Bobby, Samantha. We’re doing just fine. So what if Ellen has a fancy hybrid car for making those things? You can still kick her a*s with the Impala, right?”

 

“I - I guess…”

 

“Now, now. I know you’re upset and I’m sorry. I just don’t want to see you again with another one of those things for nine months, that’s all.”

 

“O-okay.”

 

“Anyway, it’s in the room, if you want to see it.”

 

“Is it really finished?”

 

“You can’t hear it anymore, can you? You don’t hear that thing cry, do you?”

“N - no…”

“So, do want to see it? Do you want to see what I did?”

“What? Right now?”

“Yeah, right now. Well, I’ve closed the door so we won’t smell it here.”

“Was it - was it hard?”

“‘Hard’? What do you mean ‘hard’?”

“You know… Was it hard to do?”

“To be honest, I don’t know. I just went in the room and did it. Of course, the thing thought that I was just giving it food, then… Well, you just need to see it.”

“Do I have to?”

“You need to see it.”

“Okay, but-“

“Don’t worry, Samantha. We’ll both go and see it.”

“Okay.”

“Oh. You need to wear these first.”

“What are these for?”

“Gloves. Hairnet. And this is for your feet. Just wear this over your shoes - that’s fine. And this.”

“A surgical mask?”

“Yeah, helps with the smell.”

“Okay.”

“Ready? Gimme your hand. You might slip on the floor.”

“No no wait! Don’t open it yet…”

“What? Samantha, it’s all right. Everything’s fine.”

“Is it - is it beautiful?”

“You just have to see it for yourself.”

 

© 2011 bba


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Red
Alright, I'm sorry to tell you this, and I'm not intentionally being an a**, but this has some problems. First of all, I think that the Dialogue was humorous, but when you keep saying "thing" over and over again even after the reader already knows what its about a baby, it gets stale. Also, I see what you were trying to (I think) tell a story with the dialogue; you wanted it to be the story itself. That's fine, but I had a lot of trouble trying to understand where Dean is coming from and why the hell he hates 'those things.' If you would have explained why he disliked them a little more than just saying that he thinks that the neighbors wife is cheating on her spouse I think it would have worked a little better. Also, If your really just shooting for dialogue, then you need to be a little descriptive with it. You can't just go 'oh, ya' almost every sentence. Hey, I may sound like I'm bashing on you, but I'm not. I think that your writing is good, but you need a little help with getting your ideas out on paper. Trust me, I KNOW my writing wasn't (and still isn't) the best when was still learning. Another thing: Its hard to learn from other people if all they effing say is "Good dialogue" or "Good Job." when I get reviews like that, it pisses me off because it feels like they didn't even try to read what I wrote. ALSO, It makes me even more mad when people don't even really read your story, they just skim it. Somebody who commented thought this thought it was some sort of syfi. If it is, which im pretty freaking sure its not, then I alpoigize for being an idiot, but Its like they didn't even care. They just want to review you so you give them a reivew. I'm sorry this is so long and YOU ARE A VERY GOOD WRITER, but I think that you could use some feedback from time to time, which ALL writers need. Again, I apoligize for such a heavy, melancholy review.
-Red

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

A clever dialogue piece. Intriguing from beginning to end. Well done! Thank you or submitting this to my contest. ~ Helena

Posted 7 Years Ago


i have to say.....your story is the biggest troll of the day. and believe me i get trolled a lot. i think i just wasted....no. i loved your story. it's short, concise, entirely made up of dialogue. but i enjoyed it all the same. great job! it really made me laugh. but i agree with Red, maybe you should really cut down on saying "the thing." but i can see where your coming from, and why it's being used so it's up to you whether or not you want to change it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


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Red
Alright, I'm sorry to tell you this, and I'm not intentionally being an a**, but this has some problems. First of all, I think that the Dialogue was humorous, but when you keep saying "thing" over and over again even after the reader already knows what its about a baby, it gets stale. Also, I see what you were trying to (I think) tell a story with the dialogue; you wanted it to be the story itself. That's fine, but I had a lot of trouble trying to understand where Dean is coming from and why the hell he hates 'those things.' If you would have explained why he disliked them a little more than just saying that he thinks that the neighbors wife is cheating on her spouse I think it would have worked a little better. Also, If your really just shooting for dialogue, then you need to be a little descriptive with it. You can't just go 'oh, ya' almost every sentence. Hey, I may sound like I'm bashing on you, but I'm not. I think that your writing is good, but you need a little help with getting your ideas out on paper. Trust me, I KNOW my writing wasn't (and still isn't) the best when was still learning. Another thing: Its hard to learn from other people if all they effing say is "Good dialogue" or "Good Job." when I get reviews like that, it pisses me off because it feels like they didn't even try to read what I wrote. ALSO, It makes me even more mad when people don't even really read your story, they just skim it. Somebody who commented thought this thought it was some sort of syfi. If it is, which im pretty freaking sure its not, then I alpoigize for being an idiot, but Its like they didn't even care. They just want to review you so you give them a reivew. I'm sorry this is so long and YOU ARE A VERY GOOD WRITER, but I think that you could use some feedback from time to time, which ALL writers need. Again, I apoligize for such a heavy, melancholy review.
-Red

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Good diologue!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Great Job :D

Posted 9 Years Ago


That's very well done you really allow the reader's imagination to run away with them.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Wow what a twisted little tale. Oh my god this would have been a great episode on the Twilight Zone. Do you read Richard Matheson because I think you are on your way to being in his league.

Posted 9 Years Ago



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955 Views
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Added on December 21, 2010
Last Updated on January 23, 2011
Tags: Short Story, Fiction, Furniture Making, Conversation, Dialogue, Strange Story, Babies, Brian Ayson, I really don't know how to tag m

Author

bba
bba

Philippines



About
I write short stories mostly, somewhere within the realms of horror, fantasy, drama, dark fantasy. Please feel free to read and write a quick review of what you think of my stories. Any comments gr.. more..

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