As I Once Was

A look back at a half century of life.

as I once was,

a girl in full twirl

middle of three to come in just four years

thus forsaken and neglected unlike our peers

 

muddy pies and lies

warm sister cuddles even as then came

dawning of sadness and birth of fear which remained

 

joy gains in the rain,

midst lightning sparkling in vast array

spin,  fingertips to the sky, to wash pain away

 

as I once was,

a confused sweet teen

not coping well him not sparing the rod

e’er moving  and restoring the ‘normal’ façade

 

hopeless‘n friendless

inconsolable me whose of little use

e’en unable to speak to sisters of our abuse

 

no thoughts had I brought

from 6th to 12th grades, mostly forgotten

no teachers no schools no friends, recalled to unfurl

   

as I once was,

fated ‘n hated

until departing from that youth now free

to college t’was for the first time me loving me

 

saw him on a whim

before he saw I hid ‘til granted fate

on that one splendorous first blind and blinding date

 

I fell hard ‘n well

for my one and only love in just days

he found the means to love me right back in his way

 

as I once was,

woman to a man

married in a small chapel we did meet

enveloped in our small cocoon of sun and heat

 

and so for him then

I wore a lovely gown with white flowers

sewn across the top and wide-brimmed hat with sandals

 

mad in love we had

a one-night honeymoon then too we went

kissing in the shade of Washington’s Monument

 

as I once was,

she was all abuzz

born and we giggled among the grasses

for he said he might scare her with his thick glasses

  

so then she grew true

so quickly now a teen then a woman

fighting for all her goals and wife to a sweet man

 

and it is now how

she whispers in my ear her desires

to be a mother, I smile feeling her fire

 

as I once was,

so skilled ‘n fulfilled

with degrees and certifications

stuck with rubber bands to my name, my creation

 

speaking ‘n seeking

with more power that reached both high and broad

money wasn’t enough to keep up that façade

 

for then came the game

when I gave it all up as I had cracked

poor health took over as those rubber bands thus snapped

 

and now lamb I am,

in life still a wife,

battling diseases and conditions

often I see in myself a strange rendition

 

dauntingly wanting  

to be a grandmother hoping to live

long enough to hold grand babies my arms, amid

 

so hence looking whence

through lowest of lows and highest highs

I’m still that girl who lives with fingertips to the sky

Author's Note

Simple rhyme with 5,10,12 syllable line count.