The Journey to Providence

My princess,

value is never measured in memories, 

a sum total of past and present happenings 

that give birth to fear and failure. 

You are beautiful, 

despite years of being told otherwise. 

Passed around like a joint in a hot boxed car

full of teenaged delinquents;

used and abused and thrown out with the trash 

after a lifetime of being treated like garbage. 

At four, all you knew about love was the bruises it left behind.

Your worth was however much your mother owed her dealer

and when your body wasn't enough to settle the score,

his bullets pierced more than your skin. 

You died that day, the light showing my face when we had never met.

By seven you were covered in scars, mind reeling from the hurt you had 

learned to expect but never able to fully heal.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire, your father fought the blazing flames

in every life but yours. 

The years never seemed to get better, 

though three days after your fifteenth birthday, 

you daughter came into this world. 

Somehow, she made your family happy

in ways you never had. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took 18 years to find you, 

for fate to complete the vision 

from the first time you died. 

I see your beauty in what the world deems 'imperfections,'

autism and a stunted mind are part of what makes you you,

always letting me know of your royalty 

but never being seen in a dress. 

My daughter, 

nine months ago we were strangers. 

I knew nothing of leukemia, seizures, or disabilities. 

We bonded over broken memories as I asked God to chase away your demons. 

They always came back. 

Cinderella, tormented by evil step sisters practicing black magic

trying to make life to hard for you to live. 

That's how we met, remember? 

The darkness was winning, the devil had your soul,

you were saying your goodbyes. 

It seems my God had other plans, 

placing you in my path just in time to say I cared. 

As the days wore on, I learned of the parallels in our past 

and the differences in how we dealt with it. 

You called me Mommy, saying you always wanted a mother who loved you. 

In the months that followed, a plan formed 

as I became whom you needed me to be. 

We were 1300 miles apart, 

brought together by chance in a world of the unknown. 

Two souls among millions. 

Somehow, we were meant to be together. 

You knew my face as the one an angel showed you. 

Now, I watch you sleep at night. You teach me the art of rubber bands 

and remind me to be silly. You worry that Santa Clause won't know where to go 

and I promise to make sure he will.

In nine months, you became my daughter, 

growing in my heart but not my womb.

My son adores you, 

an older sister we never thought he'd have. 

I love you, baby girl, as a mother should,

I don't care if it's not by blood. 

The memories you make here 

will shape your future

and you don't have to be afraid.