The Journey to Providence

The Journey to Providence

A Poem by beautifulblade

My princess,

value is never measured in memories, 
a sum total of past and present happenings 
that give birth to fear and failure. 

You are beautiful, 
despite years of being told otherwise. 
Passed around like a joint in a hot boxed car
full of teenaged delinquents;
used and abused and thrown out with the trash 
after a lifetime of being treated like garbage. 

At four, all you knew about love was the bruises it left behind.
Your worth was however much your mother owed her dealer
and when your body wasn't enough to settle the score,
his bullets pierced more than your skin. 

You died that day, the light showing my face when we had never met.

By seven you were covered in scars, mind reeling from the hurt you had 
learned to expect but never able to fully heal.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire, your father fought the blazing flames
in every life but yours. 

The years never seemed to get better, 
though three days after your fifteenth birthday, 
you daughter came into this world. 
Somehow, she made your family happy
in ways you never had. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took 18 years to find you, 
for fate to complete the vision 
from the first time you died. 

I see your beauty in what the world deems 'imperfections,'
autism and a stunted mind are part of what makes you you,
always letting me know of your royalty 
but never being seen in a dress. 

My daughter, 
nine months ago we were strangers. 
I knew nothing of leukemia, seizures, or disabilities. 
We bonded over broken memories as I asked God to chase away your demons. 
They always came back. 
Cinderella, tormented by evil step sisters practicing black magic
trying to make life to hard for you to live. 

That's how we met, remember? 
The darkness was winning, the devil had your soul,
you were saying your goodbyes. 

It seems my God had other plans, 
placing you in my path just in time to say I cared. 
As the days wore on, I learned of the parallels in our past 
and the differences in how we dealt with it. 

You called me Mommy, saying you always wanted a mother who loved you. 
In the months that followed, a plan formed 
as I became whom you needed me to be. 
We were 1300 miles apart, 
brought together by chance in a world of the unknown. 
Two souls among millions. 

Somehow, we were meant to be together. 
You knew my face as the one an angel showed you. 

Now, I watch you sleep at night. You teach me the art of rubber bands 
and remind me to be silly. You worry that Santa Clause won't know where to go 
and I promise to make sure he will.

In nine months, you became my daughter, 
growing in my heart but not my womb.
My son adores you, 
an older sister we never thought he'd have. 

I love you, baby girl, as a mother should,
I don't care if it's not by blood. 
The memories you make here 
will shape your future
and you don't have to be afraid.

© 2016 beautifulblade


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Added on November 26, 2016
Last Updated on November 26, 2016

Author

beautifulblade
beautifulblade

MN



About
My name is Mariah Lichty. I'm 20 years old and have been writing for around six years. more..

Writing