Tomorrow will be better

TRIGGER WARNING: Eating disorder talking. Me pleading with my disordered eating. please do not follow this as advice this is not that, it is not healthy and I am aware of that.

All I want is some food

to nourish and soothe

just a bite of pizza wont hurt

it'll make me feel better I can always purge

tomorrow I'll be really really good

I wont eat at all, ill be the good girl I should

I'm so hungry it hurts, I'll do better tomorrow I promise

just one bite to fill the hole in my chest

NO

if you eat you will be full and we can't allow it

you will be satisfied and we will not have it 

you will be happy and you are not allowed to feel that

that state is not for you, you will starve

you need to lose the weight to fit into your clothing

that shirt is to tight those jeans do not fit

you will starve until you are a size 10

You will be happier when you have no rolls 

when you don't have a belly

when you are so thin your bones can break

but you will not be alive

you will not be able to feel

the struggle with food is real

everyday is a battle in my mind

people can't comprehend the pain and struggle i go through each day

the ideal weight and health states are constant triggers

I binge

then i starve

then i do it all again

i call it balance

but it;s killing me and my will to live

tomorrow will be better

Author's Note

Trigger warning about disordered eating. This is not normal, this is from the struggles of a person with an eating disorder. I am okay. really I am, these are thoughts from another time. And I am slowly beginning to heal.

Reviews

[Amorous Palm]

This hit hard. So relatable for me and again, makes me feel not alone

[Planet x]

Hard to read but thank you for sharing your fight
Hope you are and will be better

[beauitifulybroken]

I have definitely been able to receive some healing since writing this. Thank you for taking the time to read it.