Stardust

2020 feelings

Something feels wrong i just don't feel like myself

its like a piece is missing but i cant seem to place it

one moment i feel fine and the next i'm so full of rage

sometimes i scare myself

i fear the dark parts of me but those are the ones that hold the most power

they hold the secrets

they hold the knowledge on how to get out of this mess that i call my life

how do i leave a place ive longed to be a part of for so long

that i grew up in

i just shut down

it's to much emotion

to much fear

to much intensity

i feel like i'm shattering and bursting at the seems all at once

like in any given moment i'll explode and turn into stardust

it's so bright then it's so dark and cold

ive been feeling so lost 

so out of control

my path is ahead of me but im too afraid to walk it

because what if i mess it up

but what if i flourish?

what if i fail

but what if i succeed

all of these thoughts are rushing right towards me

i feel so lost

so cold

but i can feel the heat on my face that is to come

i can feel all the demons that i must overcome

to get to that place of brightness and warmth

of comfort and healing

of fresh air to breathe in

first i need to come apart so i can come back together

i'm not broken, i'm whole

and imperfectly placed together