I still remember...YOU..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I still remember...you...

 

I still remember the day when we first met,

And after looking at you for the first time,

Even words can't describe for what I felt.

 

 

I still remember the day when I was touched by you,

That moment was really so precious,

And I saw a different feel in your eyes out of the blue.

 

 

I still remember the day when you loved me,

And now you're away from my heart,

But it's only the place where you need to be.

 

 

I still remember the day when we promised to be together till forever,

But we forgot that forever even ends,

And now things can't be back for me…never ever!

 

 

I still remember the day when you left me away,

And how I pretend to be strong,

When you said-"I'm sorry that it turned out this way."

 

 

I still remember your eyes and your tears,

I still remember your way to fight against every fear.

I still remember your laughter and your smile,

I still remember your promise to cross together every single mile.

 

 

I still remember…YOU…

 

 

 

(this is the place where we met both for the first and the last time )

Author's Note

I'm not happy with it's flow :( :(
Any suggestions here? :)

Reviews

[TamiViolet]

I could literally sit and read you all day as I identify so well with everything that you have written. I think the flow is perfect,
Bhavya. I wouldn't change a thing. So creative is the format... bold words...then fading ones...as the relationship ended and
you heard the dreadful... 'I'm sorry that it turned out this way'... I think hearing this hurts perhaps more than the break-up
itself. It's like another gash, and we bleed even more. It's amazing how some can just fall out of love, eh? Personally, I
believe it was her loss, my friend, for as I read you, I see an intelligent, soulful man with such a tender heart. Once again,
you display your flair at selecting just the right photos... This is the third piece of yours that I have read today, and I really
want to hug you right now...

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

I liked this. I thought it flowed wonderfully. the stanza " still remember the day when we promised to be together till forever,But we forgot that forever even ends,And now things can't be back for me�never ever!" really stood out for me. Excellent write.

[Imperfection]

I do not know how I'm supposed to suggest something about the flow. Because this is such a personal piece. Its a part of you.

I like what you've done with the font too.
I'd suggest you to leave the piece at it is unless Y-O-U want to change something in it.

Heartwrenching write. And that picture at the end, has made me so sad.
I have no words to review this.

[Judas Hammer]

Very nice. It tell a story that I live as I read. I feel your emotion. Very well done.

[Carole]

A beautiful write, Bhavya. I love how you included the picture of where you met and where you parted. Has a sad feel, but hey, sadness is a part of life. It just is...I am not sure what I would do to help with the flow. When it is free flow, that is exactly how it is to play out. I say, leave it as is...:-)

[Ruby Moon]

whats wrong with the flow?
*tries and fail to see anything wrong with it*
the last picture added a personal touch...
about the fading colours for the words, maybe it would be better if you do it according to how it comes out in the piece then the placing in the sentence?
as in dark near the left side of the piece and lighter as it goes right?
i understand what you trying to do and i like it...
just that i cant find the patience to do it for my own pieces

[Dani California]

Don't change this, it's beautiful just like it is Bhavya. It's so perfect. Such devastating emotions when the one you love no longer loves you. We have no control over the emotions of another and it's so hard to understand when they walk away. How can they go when every breath we take seems to be for them..... about them .... with them.

That's where we go wrong my friend. Every breath we take needs to be for ourself first -- wherein lies the cure to our heartache. Now if we could just figure out how to do that....

You are a very gifted writer. This is a perfect poem. Its flow works well.

Awesome :)

[Blue Rose]

This is flawless! I adore you both as a poet and a person and these kinds of writing signifies not only your talent of writing but also your nature. You are really a very good human Bhavya and I'm telling this from the bottom of my heart. Don't worry every things going to be alright. I wish for your well being!

[Roxy]

"I still remember...YOU" wow!! This is amazing piece of writing.
Simply flawless and what a beautiful way of ending, I'm looking forward to attend a class from you to learn how to write beautiful poetry like this, ha ha ha!
Brilliant work dude!

[Golden]

You are a master of writing these kinds of poetry! so heartfelt and beautifully penned!

[Innocent]

Omigod!! The more i read your work the more it impress me. You writes from your heart which is such an amazing thing. The flow is really nice and I loved the way each line faded as if a relationship faded with time.

"I still remember the day when we promised to be together till forever,

But we forgot that forever even ends,

And now things can't be back for me�never ever!"-- Oh my!! I can't stop reading these lines again and again. This is so heartfelt. I loved it!