I still remember...YOU..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I still remember...you...

 

I still remember the day when we first met,

And after looking at you for the first time,

Even words can't describe for what I felt.

 

 

I still remember the day when I was touched by you,

That moment was really so precious,

And I saw a different feel in your eyes out of the blue.

 

 

I still remember the day when you loved me,

And now you're away from my heart,

But it's only the place where you need to be.

 

 

I still remember the day when we promised to be together till forever,

But we forgot that forever even ends,

And now things can't be back for me…never ever!

 

 

I still remember the day when you left me away,

And how I pretend to be strong,

When you said-"I'm sorry that it turned out this way."

 

 

I still remember your eyes and your tears,

I still remember your way to fight against every fear.

I still remember your laughter and your smile,

I still remember your promise to cross together every single mile.

 

 

I still remember…YOU…

 

 

 

(this is the place where we met both for the first and the last time )

Author's Note

I'm not happy with it's flow :( :(
Any suggestions here? :)

Reviews

[TamiViolet]

I could literally sit and read you all day as I identify so well with everything that you have written. I think the flow is perfect,
Bhavya. I wouldn't change a thing. So creative is the format... bold words...then fading ones...as the relationship ended and
you heard the dreadful... 'I'm sorry that it turned out this way'... I think hearing this hurts perhaps more than the break-up
itself. It's like another gash, and we bleed even more. It's amazing how some can just fall out of love, eh? Personally, I
believe it was her loss, my friend, for as I read you, I see an intelligent, soulful man with such a tender heart. Once again,
you display your flair at selecting just the right photos... This is the third piece of yours that I have read today, and I really
want to hug you right now...

[Blackbeats]

BHavya, first of all let me tell you the flow is just perfect and you should not experiment with it in this piece as it's going so well! secondly, I loved the second pic a lot, it is like a part of the writing, and lastly, I loved the entire writing of yours a lot. It is very passionate and sad indeed, beautifully penned.

[!!..Love..!!]

I disagree with kevin, According to me the poem is perfect and not at all "hitchy"...
The pic actually went too well with it that it actually became a part of it.
Very cold and heart wrenching work Bhavya.

[Sarah]

I really liked this. I love the rhyme & the way you made the text fade out, sort of like your memories of this day (or her memories, based on the quote in the beginning =/) The meter is off in a few places, but it almost works and can be read almost as though you're getting so emotional that you can't possibly speak as fluently as you'd like. XD

[Angelic Darkness]

This is a beautiful poem. It was very emotional, and I
felt every single word you wrote. The picture of where you
added where you both first/last met, is a great added touch.
It adds so much feel and pull to the poem. You mentioned the
flow of this poem not feeling right...well, I am going to try to
help with my opinion.

That moment was really so precious,

And I saw a different feel in your eyes out of the blue.

(In this sentence, the eyes of out blue for me loses the flow,
and doesn't quite fit with the stanza.)

And now you're away from my heart,

But it's only the place where you need to be.

(I believe if you left out but, and continued with the
other words, it would flow better.)

Those stanzas stand out for me. AD

[Kevin Andros]

Yea it's kind of hitchy.... Like you have something stuck in your throat. But the feel of the poem couln't be better. This is, by far, your best composition by you. As I have saide before, you are great in this. Keep writing. ~KA~