Life

Life

A Story by Bistrô Mental

I entered the car not knowing what to expect. It had been over a year since I last saw her. I was so thrilled by the fact that we were finally meeting each other especially given the circumstances: I was at home still waking up from a deep nap I took to give me energy to go out that night. I had a birthday party at a very fancy and cool place. My cell phone rang and I didn't hear it as she called while I was sleeping. When I saw I had 1 missed call from her, I think I lost my breath for a moment. I can’t really tell, but I sure know that something moved inside me and it was something nice. A rush of energy, a thrill in my stomach, I sudden smile popping up on my silly face, whatever! Whatever it was, it felt good. I immediately returned the call. She did not pick up. Damn! She surely regretted dialing me the moment she hang up, I knew it… she certainly wondered why on Earth she called me, why today, why I didn't answer, why so many things, and man… had this woman a sheer imagination! F**k! Third time calling and still no answer that now I was the one building up creative stories I wasn't even aware I had the talent for.

Ring, ring.

No answer " this time from my side again. She returned my call during my shower.

F**k!

All wet, I pressed the “send” button and the slippery cell phone provided me with a shy yet happy voice on the other side: “hey…”

I smiled. “Hey yourself… what a great surprise. How ARE you?” " I wanted to cross over the phone and simply look her in the eyes: her eyes always expressed so much. They almost gave her away.

“I’m good, thanks. You? Erm, sorry I didn't answer before, I was getting my nails done.”

Ha. Nails. Simple and plain and there I was picturing a thousand other possibilities for her not to answer the call, but no… it was just nails. Was there a little relief in the room now with me?

“No problem! I was sleeping a bit on your first call and taking a shower afterwards. I’m at home. Alone.”

What? Why the hell did the word alone come out?

I heard her smile on the other side.

“Well… ok… erm, I actually called to see if you want to meet tonight. It’s been a while, huh?”

“Meet?!” I clearly remember giving 3 little jumps by my bathroom door.

“Well, it was just an idea, of course, but if you already have plans, which you probably do, of course, silly me, it’s ok…”

“I would love to see you.”

Silence.

Long breath.

Smile again.

“Ok, great! Where do we meet?”

I explained I had to at least show up at the party as it was a special friend but that, if she wouldn't mind, she could meet me there too and we would go wherever from there.

“Deal. See you at eleven-thirty then.”

I changed shirts 4 times and decided to stick to the second option. I think she might have said once that she liked me in blue.

When I entered the car, her very dark brown eyes had a sparkle that really matched her blue dress that showed off her shoulders. Was it I then the one who had told her she looked good in blue? If not, man, she did! Maybe she knew it already…

We smiled and deeply looked into each other’s eyes.

A timid hi-hello and a long hug in the best do-not-wish-to-let-go style followed.

She took off in her always and personalized accelerated but accurate driving.

The rest of the evening was very opposite to that: it was smooth, charming, soft, easy and flowing. Just like her. Just like us. Separate we are hasty. Together we are subtle. Separate we are muse and inspiration. Together we are complementary.

This could well be the reason we are still apart. Muse and inspiration is too much of a perfect combo to break by bringing reality into us.


Original: 

© 2013 Bistrô Mental


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Featured Review

Very sweet story, I think I need to go brush my teeth before I get a cavity :P

On the technical side, the first question I have to ask is ... Who am I? Who is the main character, and who is the woman? Your readers will get infinitely more attached to the characters with slight additions to what they may be wearing, how old they may be, accents, etc.

Even if you are attempting to have the readers substitute their own selves into the story, you should pick an audience and aim at it.

"A timid hi-hello and a long hug in the best do-not-wish-to-let-go style followed."

Hyphens are like saying "I wish I knew what word to put here, but I don't, so I'll try to explain it and throw hyphens between the words". Try something like "A timid greeting and a passionately chaste embrace followed", but perhaps with a bit more embellishment and content, such as what they saw in each others eyes, or the emotions that the contact sparked.

"She took off in her always and personalized accelerated but accurate driving."

You should never have words like 'and, or, but, also, etc.' repeated multiple times in the same sentence. Generally you can assume a comma at those points, or break the sentence into multiple sentences. In this case, I would suggest "She took off driving in her common fashion, swift yet sharp." Again it could use some embellishment if you like, but that would be a smoother wording.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Very sweet story, I think I need to go brush my teeth before I get a cavity :P

On the technical side, the first question I have to ask is ... Who am I? Who is the main character, and who is the woman? Your readers will get infinitely more attached to the characters with slight additions to what they may be wearing, how old they may be, accents, etc.

Even if you are attempting to have the readers substitute their own selves into the story, you should pick an audience and aim at it.

"A timid hi-hello and a long hug in the best do-not-wish-to-let-go style followed."

Hyphens are like saying "I wish I knew what word to put here, but I don't, so I'll try to explain it and throw hyphens between the words". Try something like "A timid greeting and a passionately chaste embrace followed", but perhaps with a bit more embellishment and content, such as what they saw in each others eyes, or the emotions that the contact sparked.

"She took off in her always and personalized accelerated but accurate driving."

You should never have words like 'and, or, but, also, etc.' repeated multiple times in the same sentence. Generally you can assume a comma at those points, or break the sentence into multiple sentences. In this case, I would suggest "She took off driving in her common fashion, swift yet sharp." Again it could use some embellishment if you like, but that would be a smoother wording.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on January 9, 2013
Last Updated on January 14, 2013

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Bistrô Mental
Bistrô Mental

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The Bistrô... May my menu satisfy your thoughts, ideas and fill that little void that we so often mistake for hunger. Lick your fingers, smile, leave here satisfied with new reflections and p.. more..

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