I deserved better

I deserved better

A Story by Fallen From Grace

I gave you everything, even when I couldn't do anything for myself.
I should had know that you were gonna break me beyond anything that has ever had broken me.
No matter how much you hurt me physically and mentally. I still stayed with you.
Maybe it was my fault for staying. I saw how broken you were and I wanted to help you. 
Even if it meant I was gonna destroy myself.
Why couldn't I leave you earlier. It took me almost 3 years to gain some courage to let you go.
You're not the man for me.
You didn't love me.
You never loved me.
You only loved how much pain I was going through to save you.
You were selfish, incompetent, and manipulator.
Why couldn't you accept me for who I am?
You only wanted me around to have someone to blame all of you're wrong doings in life.
I couldn't handle it anymore.
At my breaking point you witnessed it all.
As I sat in the corner balled up, questioning everything between us. 
"Why?, Where did I go wrong? Why am I like this? You took the light out of me. I'm so empty. 
I'm destroying myself over this relationship that is going no where. What do you want from me?"
After that you just went back to bed and said, " I don't feel sorry bout this at all." That broke me.
I felt everything crumbled within me when you said that. 
At that moment I realized.
I need to let you go and move on from you.
You aren't gonna be the man I need. You didn't appreciate what I did for you.
I left you, I had a sense of relief. I don't hate you. I'm actually thankful for have dating.
I know my worth and what I deserve
Thank you

© 2019 Fallen From Grace

My Review

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So a question: Why are you telling me this? Why share the protagonist's letter to this unknown person?

I don't ask to be flip, but to remind you that while this is moving for you, to a reader who knows nothing about the situation, or the people involved, what can they do but shrug? David Sedaris put it well with: “The returning student had recently come through a difficult divorce, and because her pain was significant, she wrongly insisted her writing was significant as well.” This poem would be significant to the one who wrote it. but...

For all the reader knows, the one speaking is the one at fault. And with no way to make a judgement, there is no way in which your words can move them emotionally. And THAT'S why the reader is reading your words. They're not looking to to learn the facts. They want to be made to FEEL. And unless they feel, will they care?

If the one being talked to is the b*****d he, or she, is made to seem, don't tell the reader that. Don't talk to this unknown person. Make the reader live the experience. Make them say, "What a rat!" because they decide they are. Make them feel as you do, not know what you know. A single event that demonstrated character is far more moving than an overview of the affair. Think of a picnic. A razor sharp image of an ant at a picnic, if that ant embodies the theme you're going for, is more personal to the one viewing it than a watercolor of the picnic grove.

High School Lit magazines are filled with poems lamenting how badly the writer was betrayed, and left with tears. They call them, Dismal Damsel Poems, because they are all "telling." But to make a reader feel, you need to show. And by that I don't mean talk about visual things. I mean placing the reader into the protagonist's viewpoint so they know and view the person being described as the protagonist knows them.

Do that, and the reader identifies with the protagonist, and feels what-they-feel. And that—their personal viewpoint—makes all the difference. One of my articles talks about that, and may clarify. It's written for the fiction writer, but it applies to poetry as well.

Hope this helps.

Posted 5 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on April 9, 2019
Last Updated on April 9, 2019